Three Years On

Facebook's memories algorithm picked up on a three-year old post on Thursday. I posted on my move into what I called my Third Career. I have now been "semi-retired" for these three years. I went from full-time to part-time in December 2013. I had spent some time getting ready for it including some personal coaching. I did reading and writing, talked to our financial advisor, and did a lot of meditating on it. My wife had already retired and was enjoying it. I was a little apprehensive, needless to say, but I knew it was right. I just wondered what Career Three was going to look like.

Well, it took about two years for the whole thing to settle down into something that resembles "order out of chaos." Here are some of the reflections as I begin the fourth year:

• Last winter was the first time I thought of myself as a "snowbird" with two places to live- and not just going on vacation to Alabama in the winter.
• Music has been at the top of my list- and for the past 18 months, half of the time since the move, I have been taking great advantage of the time available to really improve my trumpet playing- and develop the Tuning Slide blog.
• This year the writing has really fallen into place- a big part of Career Three. I didn't do as much on my memoir as I had expected. Instead I got sidetracked into following my dad at the end of World War II on another blog series and then turning the Tuning Slide into a book and finally publishing my Christmas stories on Amazon.
• Photography has not been as much in evidence as I expected it to be. I am connected with a snowbird photo club in Alabama and am looking forward to doing more with that this coming winter.
• Travel has been fun. We have had to make a number of family trips to the east coast. In that we have made connections with some old friends that we haven't seen in years- and done some fun sightseeing. When you are not constrained by having to get back to go to work, you can take your time and be mindful.
• And the ability to just spend time with my wife doing whatever we want to do- or don't want to do- has been great. There have been great hours together in the car, for example, listening to books, podcasts, music, NPR, etc. and talking about them and just about anything.

The other day one of my co-workers was getting ready to retire. My comment to her- If your retirement is even half as great as mine has been- you will love it.

Year four is starting.

• I have two major writing projects I want to tackle.
• I really want to do some musical composing.
• I have a couple videos in mind to produce.
• I am looking forward to becoming an even more accomplished trumpet player.
• Sightseeing, visiting and traveling will continue.
• Life is good!

It Happened Last Week

Actually, not a news review but a personal event. For the first time since I moved into my semi-retirement mode I fond myself saying

I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do.

I remember retired people I have known over the years saying that. I always thought it had to do with chores and "To-do Lists." I didn't ever think that time would seem to be going so fast that I had more things I wanted to do than there was time.

Now I get it.

I have several writing projects that I want to work on. There is the music- practicing, rehearsing, and performing. I haven't had a chance to ride mu bike on any trails and take pictures. My every-other-weekend work schedule seems to be more of a chance to gather my breath.

I will admit that some of the problem does lie in a personality quirk that I have never been totally able to overcome: I am not now, and never have been, a natural-born morning person. Most morning people refuse to believe that anyone can't become a morning person. It is real. Even all the years when I did get up early to go to work or whatever, it was not an easy task. No matter the hours of sleep, that alarm was not a welcome thing. Even getting up early does not automatically translate into early to bed.

But when one has to get up in order to get paid, well, you just do it.

Now I'm not paid to get up early. So I do "waste" some otherwise precious time not getting out of bed early enough. If I could just do that I would have more time to get the things done that aren't getting done. I know all the psychological tricks that I can pull on myself to get me out of bed earlier, but they don't work that easily.

Which means, since I seem unable to motivate that earlier time, I will just have to be satisfied with what does- and doesn't get done. Makes sense. But I will keep trying.

Home!

We have been on the road for three weeks. We got home today. While we weren't traveling every day, we did cover over 3,500 miles since August 31.

We had a lot of great times visiting family and friends.

But I am wiped. Tired. Traveling like this is a lot like work.

So I will go back to work tomorrow.

That's why I'm only semi-retired.

A Musical Summer and Bucket Lists

I realized this past year that I am in the midst of fulfilling a bucket list item. My entire adult life I have wanted to be more involved in music in a broader way. I knew I could never earn a living at it, but I kept my musical chops at least somewhat in shape. As many of you know I have continued to play my trumpet and, in the past five years, greatly increased the amount of time I spend. This has been made possible by going into "partial" retirement.

I am currently in two community-type concert bands, a brass quintet, a big band and sub in another big band. As a result I was looking at my musical schedule for this summer and realized that I have become a musician. Between May28 and August 30 I will have 18 different concerts, performances or gigs. That will be seven concerts, six big band performances, a parade, Trumpets at Twins, Salvation Army Donut Day and a Quintet gig as part of a vintage band festival. On top of that, of course are the practices for the different groups, not to mention my own personal practice time. This adds up to several things.

• It is almost like being a real, full-time musician without worrying about earning anything for it.
• My skills have increased radically over the past couple years.
• As a consequence so has my confidence.
• My embouchure has never been in better shape.
• It’s a lot of fun!

All this as I turn 67 this summer.

Feelings and Transitions and What's Important

It has been a tough week or so. I have found myself in a kind of non-specific cloud of sadness and disquiet. I know exactly what is going on- it is life that is hitting me. It is life and transition and uncertainty and trying to stay focused on the important things.

It starts with making a sudden trip to support my wife's 95-year old aunt who needed surgery and a move to a rehab care facility. The questions of "What next?" and self-care and support are rattling around as I look at this very determined little old woman who has been independent and self-caring her entire life. She hasn't lived with anyone else since her father died over 40 years ago. There is a helplessness as I think about what my wife and I can do to help or support her- from 1,200 miles away.

Then there is knowing that while I am out east I can visit my old and most important friend who is facing significant health issues. We have talked and I know what's going on there. To go visit him is essential and heart-wrenching!

The third thing has been hitting a wall in my writing. There is obviously something I am digging toward in the work and I am hesitating in some ways about finding it.

On the lesser side of the issues, yet surprisingly emotional for me, is the series of TV shows as David Letterman ends his incredible career. I have been watching wistfully each night watching him move toward retirement. Having been in the midst of that myself this past year I have a strong sense of what he is going through. Since he is in my age-cohort, I am also watching the end of my generation's work on late-night TV. That, for me, requires a post all its own. Letterman has been a TV guide/guru/friend for well over 30 years and I am saddened as I am reminded of the incredible passage of time.

Perhaps it is not the "lesser side." It touches on my own journey. Like the other three it is what I have often called "intimations of mortality." Change sucks- even planned change- because it means we are getting older. We may not notice that until we do begin to notice that we ARE older. No, I don't believe we Baby-Boomers have invented aging. It may be, though, that we are the first generation to be able to truly experience aging into old age- and experience it with better health than ever before. When people say that 60 is the new 40 it is both a denial of aging as well as a statement about how aging has changed in the past 40 years.

But then the final blow came when I learned of the serious auto accident and eventual death of the 18-year old son of a friend. The young man was about to graduate from high school. He lost control of his car on Sunday and crashed. He was in an induced coma for several days, but was unable to recover. I fond myself prayerfully focused on the family over several days, even coming to tears for them and their personal tragedy.

The helplessness of life is what we most fear. My 95-year old aunt, my friend's health, my own inability to move forward with a personal project. These of mine are brought up short when I ponder the death of an 18-year old who will never get the opportunity to find out the ups and downs of life. I am humbled in pain as I think of parents losing their child so violently and in such a purposeless way.

So I have to put life into perspective. Mine, my friend's, my aunt's. I am sure that Letterman would be the first to agree that his retirement- even his achievements- are nothing- he was only a TV entertainer. To come to grips with loss and change and finally death is the reality of life.

I pray that in the end the quality of life- short or long- may not be dimmed by the pain of losing it. I pray that each day of life may be filled with an awareness of how important each day is and how important it is to live a life that touches others in their hurts as well as our own. To live otherwise is to truly lose sight of the great daily gift we have had.

No, this does not get rid of pain. But perhaps it can give us a perspective that helps us walk through it and be there with others when they need that companionship.

For me to live otherwise would deny everything I profess to believe. It isn't easy- and it is at those moments I can repeat the old but eternally true word: I believe; help my unbelief.

Listen and meditate.
May the soul be cleansed and
held close to the Creator.

A Biking Challenge

The National Bike Challenge starts Friday, May 1 and continues through September 30- the best 5 months of the year for many of us to bike. They are hoping to get 75,000 participants this year. The goal is 35 million miles in these months.
(This is only out-in-the-real-world rides, not trainers, stationary, etc.)

I'm not planning anything extraordinary for this year. I am hoping to ride more than I did last summer. I was really lax with only around 120 outdoor miles over the five months of nearly 400 total miles if you include stationary bikes. Maybe I can reverse those numbers this year and then some. Maybe even get in 500 outdoor miles. That's only 100/month or five 20 mile rides. Very much within the range of possibilities.

I think I am about to break through the early retirement uncertainties. It has been more of a struggle than I expected to overcome some of my innate laziness and desire to stay up late and sleep in. So, posting this here, I am setting a very public goal. If you see me, remind me. If I don't post any updates, hold me accountable.

If you want to sign up for the National Bike Challenge, the link is below.
-Link

My Reading List

Just kind of sitting around looking at nothing in particular as I was updating the old blog here. I looked over at the book list through this week. So far this year I am at 56 books, a little more than in the past, perhaps even in record territory. I am sure that part of that is because of my semi-retirement, a full month away in Alabama, and just generally working on the books. It is amazing how many excellent books are published each year.

One thing that struck me, though, was the split in the year between fiction and non-fiction. I have generally read more non-fiction than fiction over the years. There is so much of so great an interest in the world that I can hardly keep up. (Understatement!) But I also love fiction, the top-notch books that expand one's world through the imagination and writing of excellent writers. I also enjoy a good mystery, crime procedural and science fiction. If they are just plain entertainment- that's okay, although there is often a great deal of insight into the human condition in any good novel.

In any case I noticed that this year has an overwhelming difference between the two halves of the year so far. From January through June I read 12 novels of the 33 books read.

Since July 1, though, there are only 4 of the 23 that are novels- and I read those in the past month or six weeks. One thing I did notice overall is that I have been trying to pick up on some older and even classic novels like the Sound and the Fury, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Hitchhiker's Guide, and Chronicle of a Death Foretold. I had promised myself that I would try to get to read some of these that I never read before. I have found that an excellent idea.

The list does not include any of the books I have been mining for the series on my Dad's time in World War II. I am not reading those cover-to-cover, but as I said, mining them for information. Some of them are truly deep mines!

I guess, then, that at least one of my goals for my move into retirement is working- I am reading more than ever. And there are so many more out there to go. It is a wondrous, never-ending stream of excitement, insight, life, and challenge!

Unsurprising Surprises

Like most everything else in the world, we should not necessarily be surprised by what happens when change begins. Just because we plan on the change, try to think through it, even believe we are ready for it, when it comes right down to it, we are clueless about how we will respond.

Or at least we need to be open to be surprised, shocked, enlightened and expecting the black swans we didn't know would happen to us. Last week the black swans came out of their hiding place and I was surprised that I was just like everyone else.

"This is what happens when you move into retirement," my wife said as I couldn't figure out why I was feeling like I was. "It can take months to be ready for this."

"But I was so ready," I wanted to say. "Why is this happening to me?" Yep, that good old fashioned expression of terminal uniqueness. Yep- I'm unique just like everyone else. That means when, even with a year of planning and processing, as the events truly do unfold, you begin to realize that this is really happening.

The times aren't changing- they have changed! It is a whole new world. All the things that move along with this change of movement toward retirement is one of those major life-events that bring to the front all the feelings of loss and grief. It is a time, again, when the passage of time becomes more than real- it is right there in your face. "Look at me! See me! This is real!"

It is as much a step into the unknown as the graduations from high school or college, the new career or new job. Even looking at this move as a "third career" for myself insulates me from some of the underlying issues of mortality, physical ability, health and change.

Then word came that a colleague had died suddenly. He went for a bike ride and collapsed. He is just ahead of me by five years. He is the first of my cohort to die in our older years. Several have died of cancer, AIDS and premature heart attacks. This one is that reminder of reality.

So I have been unfocused, distracted, angry, sad, working harder at staying healthy (bargaining?), depressed and just generally denying things.

I wasn't supposed to do these things. I was supposed to have worked hard so they didn't happen and I could just slide into this whole retirement with no repercussions. In short, I wanted to do it without the pain and the fear, the uncertainty and concerns that always happen.

But here I am anyway. Just like you or anyone else. So w hat do I do about it?

The same thing I have learned how to do over the past 25 years- accept it and move through it. Make the most of what I can do and let life happen. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind, of course:

God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.

But that is only the beginning. It is a deep sense of acceptance that must also be rediscovered anew each day. In order for that we all need to learn to look inside ourselves and be honest about what is happening- and then talk about it. Other people are essential to that process. They call us to be aware- mindful- of who we are and what is happening. Denial is not a healthy place to stay. It gets us stuck in what was instead of what can be.

So for myself, this (re)newed awareness empowers me by pulling me out of where I was into where I can go. That's all I have. That's all any of us has. So take that energy and channel it into hopeful and productive actions.

Let's see how that works.

One More Week for Now

I am coming to the end of one full quarter (13 weeks) of being at work "full-time" even though I went to a type of "semi-retirement" last December. By this time next week (actually Thursday at 4:30) I will be back as a supplemental employee working one to three days per week, depending on the week. I got back from our month in Alabama back in March to find that I was needed to come back and do some filling-in for a colleague on leave. I said yes for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that it was going back to the position I held for about 4 full years that I loved the most of all that I have done in 20 years as an addictions counselor. It was also still winter around these parts, but that was only a small part of the reasoning. I truly liked the job and was excited to get one last chance to go back and do it one more time.

So, for the past 13 weeks that is what I have done. I have not regretted it for a moment.

Over there on the right sidebar is a quote that for me describes what I have been doing for most of my adult working life.

Some want to live
within the sound
of church or chapel bell;
I want to run
a rescue shop
within a yard of hell.
-- C. T. Studd

As a pastor and substance abuse counselor I have been along one of those front lines where people come to do something unique and different with their lives. Most of the time these amounted to standing with them as they attempted to turn from the "gates of hell" itself. When I first saw that quote about 10 years ago it jumped at me, grabbed me, and I knew it was mine.

It brought to mind an incident back about 22 years or so ago. A member of the church was in a bad situation and was threatening suicide. They showed up at the front door of the parsonage and I spent the next three hours talking with them in my living room, attempting to contact a counselor they had been working with and finally contacting a treatment center in a neighboring community. At the end of those three hours I took them to that center for an evaluation and care.

A few days later I was at my own therapy appointment and was describing the event to my therapist. My counselor looked at me and said that she never thought about those of us who were there on the front line of situations like that. She, as an outpatient, hospital-based counselor only saw people after they were stabilized, "talked-down" so to speak. She commented on how important that front-line work was.

I remembered many other such times. Some were being there with a family as their loved-one died. Sometimes it was sitting in the ICU waiting room as life was artificially upheld long enough to make arrangements for an organ donation. It has also been the young mother who has discovered her husband was abusing their daughter and was shaking with anger and a sense of deep betrayal. Or it was baptizing a baby who may not make it. Once it was being a "shaman-like" presence in a wind-swept cemetery as a few family members, the funeral director and myself paid our last respects to a recently found homeless relative who had died of tuberculosis or AIDS or both.

I could go on and on. There are many I no longer remember in detail but in that spiritual place in my memory where rest the spirit of those souls who were facing the gates of hell. These moments of seeming hopelessness, fear, sadness, panic or just plain numbness at the depth of ones soul need not be faced alone. We humans have known this for millennia. We seek the people who can stand with us and the places where a sense of peace can begin to permeate the emptiness that has suddenly or even slowly taken over our world.

To be a counselor, a presence of hope and healing with those facing the devastation of addiction and alcoholism is to be at the same kind of junction of hope and despair, life and death. No, I don't believe that is too strong. Many people in that position are at the place where life is teetering. They are facing hell- or perhaps realize they have just stepped back from an abyss that can only be described as hell. They do not know if they can make it. They are aware of a sense of powerlessness. To be there with them is at once humbling, scary, and challenging. It is a place where the deepest compassion and acceptance is needed. But they must be tempered with a willingness to speak to the truth of what they are facing, to not sugar-coat it or make it seem less dangerous.

It is to run a rescue station at the gate of hell- their very own personal torment of hell.

So for the past 3 months I have had that privilege one more time as a full-time counselor. It was developing the helping and healing relationship that can hopefully break through denial and uncertainty.

It is a great way to work and I am grateful I had the chance to do it again. I am sure there will be other ways I am called to do that work in the future. But for today, as much as part of me doesn't want to stop, I know it is what I am going to do next that needs my attention.

Back in December I spoke of my move to part-time employment as beginning my Third Career. I have no doubt it will continue as part of my lifelong call to be part of that rescue shop. It may not be as immediate or quite as close to the gates as I have been, but it is where I have been called.

So it's back to semi-retirement. I have lots of music to make, especially over the next two months, lots of genealogical research to do for those ghosts in my family that are nowhere to be found prior to 1940, time with my wife and daughter and her boyfriend, time to write and read and dream of more ways to be what I am called to do next. Yet always to be one who can help bring healing and to continue to build my life in secular ministry- ministry beyond the doors and walls of the institutional church where I am now called to serve.

Living in Denial

I realized one morning last week that I am living in denial, in this case about my aging and retirement. As many of you may remember, I went on "semi-retirement" last December. I was on this plan for three months, one of which we spent in Alabama practicing for full retirement. When we returned from our trip (can't call it vacation if one isn't really working a full-time job) I went back to work full-time covering an extended leave. It has been going on now for 11 weeks.

The end is nearing. Probably at the end of 13 weeks, a quarter of the year, I will be back to my semi-retirement and back to some of the things I had started in December. Over these past 11 weeks I have often seen my life as having a job and a half- the full-time work at the clinic and the part-time work of writing and researching. I didn't get much of the sorting and straightening, scanning and posting that I wanted to with the reduced time for the second job (or Career Three as I named it.) It has been fun. It's good to be back at work in a job I love and which i seem to have some skill at. It is good to be around my colleagues day after day.

But I am living in the dream world that I am not going to retire. Maybe if I don't I won't continue to grow older; maybe I can stay young; perhaps I can go on forever.

I know I am exaggerating, but not by much. I have a lot of things I still want to get done in Career Three, places I want to explore this summer and fall, articles and books and music I want to read, write, compose and play. I want to enjoy games at Target Field- including the All-Star Game in July. I am looking forward to a trip to the headwaters of the Mississippi with my wife in August.

Life is good. So it is important that I don't let denial keep me from enjoying it. I thought of trying to extend the full-time gig for more weeks. But that isn't going to happen. I have seen the light of my denial. It's time to get back to what I was planning for a year ago. It's time to keep moving into this new life. I will keep connections and part-time at work. But the pace will change.

It has been a great ride- unexpected back in December, but one that has reaffirmed much about my career choices and my next stages. So once again I am a short-timer at work. It will be hard moving on- again- but it will also renew the excitement.

Ending Phase One

“Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials.” —Paul Rudnick

One of the first goals I set for myself back when I went into semi-retirement was to get eight years of notes for a book out of the Moleskines and onto the computer. I started that while we were in Alabama in February and was surprised by some of the other thoughts and notes I discovered. I did not get sidetracked (much) and kept at it when I returned to winter in Minnesota last month. Even returning to full-time work didn't slow things down much at all.

Thursday evening, sitting at Caribou Coffee I finished the transcribing and reflections. At this point I have a little over 20,000 words of the memoir/book that I have been percolating for these past eight years. THAT surprised me. I hadn't realized how much I had already written and where some of it went.

But in good writing style, this first draft is everything Anne Lamott called it. It is a crappy, chaotic first draft. As first drafts often are. After all it was written in bits and pieces in journals with no rhyme or reason, just what happened to arrive in my consciousness at that point. Sure, it started with planning and doing my 60 miles for 60 years bike ride in 2008, but it went a number of other places in no particular order.

Now comes the next phase, figuring out what it all means and where it's going. I am aware of many inconsistencies, repetitions, and just plain awful writing. I have to get it in some kind of order, find the holes and work on discovering the threads that will tie it together and give it a direction.

Sounds like fun for the next months.

If only I can stay away from the other distractions I found that Paul Rudnick didn't mention.

Now I Wait

Yesterday was a tense day. It was my day to take the workshop/tests for certification as a Group Fitness Instructor with the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America (AFAA). It was a short story with a long prelude.

Back around a year ago when I was beginning to head toward my semi-retirement I came across a story in a local paper about a fitness instructor at a local center. He was in his early 80s, taught water aerobics (among others) and started in the fitness field when he was in his early 60s.

Over the past 8 years I have slowly but surely worked toward a broader and deeper understanding of fitness. It began when I wanted to do 60 miles of biking for my 60th birthday. For an uncounted time I joined a health club. I was periodic in attendance, but I did keep going. I then moved and joined the healthy living center at my new residence.

That has continued for most of the past 5 years through three surgeries and a few other physical concerns cropping up. As I got into biking and I even commuted to work on my bike. When I read the article on the fitness instructor in town it was like an "Aha!" moment. I have something new to offer, even as I have (now) passed age 65.

So I began to pursue that angle. I took a couple online courses from AFAA on getting ready to be a group fitness instructor and a personal fitness instructor. Yesterday I did the day-long certification workshop ending in the four-part examination. Three of those are "practical," something that AFAA is known for and, I think, is an essential part of becoming a fitness instructor. In this part of the day we had to demonstrate that

1) we knew two strength and one stretching action for each of 10 muscle groups;
2) could do a 3-minute warm-up and five-minute cardio routine; and
3) lead the group in one activity showing beginning, intermediate and advanced options.

There is then a written exam with 100 matching or multiple choice questions. Perhaps the largest single group of questions dealt with the different muscles and muscle groups along with their locations and actions.

I won't know for 4 - 6 weeks how I did. Since no job is hinging on passing the test and getting the certification I am not in any hurry, other than to know.

What will I do with this? At this point I don't know. I would like to be able to help others my age- or approaching my age- to know that age doesn't have to be a reason to get out of shape or even to get back into shape.

I have also discovered Yoga and Tai Chi as important mental supports and mindfulness practices. I don't think I will get special certifications in either of those areas, but you never know how I can use those experiences as well.

In addition all this has a big part to play in addiction/alcoholism recovery. Specialized groups in fitness centers or community programs for recovering people to help their sobriety would be a good move. But at this point, I am not trying to shoehorn this into something. Rather I am trying to be open to whatever directions come.

By the way, the experience yesterday at the workshop was wonderful. I learned a lot and was directed well by the instructor. The field of fitness and exercise is changing rapidly and there are obvious needs for good instructors and trained leaders.

But for now, I wait. Since I am also back to work full-time for a while, it will give me time to think through how this can fit into my semi-retired life.

Taking a Break...

... from semi-retirement.

Well, after three months of the much sought-after and ballyhooed move into semi-retirement back on December 4, I am filling in full-time back at work.

That was short-lived.

Three months of semi-retirement, including the month in Alabama moved back to the old 8 to 5 routine this past Tuesday. Thanks to a need at work they called me and wondered if I could come in and sub for a while.

Sure. Why not?

After all it's still cold outside and it could snow some more and I'm just a good guy willing to help out.

So now, after three days back at work (in a job I truly love, by the way!) it has gone well. I have agreed on 6 - 8 weeks, if needed, which would take me to Easter or the first week of May. We will look at the needs after that, if I am still needed in the full-time position.

But, it's interesting to reflect on it. I am enjoying it since I enjoy the job. That gives me a moment's pause of how I responded to a previous generation who I saw as being unwilling to retire.

I don't think that's what I'm doing. The difference is in many aspects I have a control over my time, now, that I never had at any time in my adult working career of over 40 years. It is by choice that I am doing what I am doing- and caring for the work that is being done.

Yes, it is curtailing some of my new or renewed activities for the moment, but they haven't disappeared.

And, I have a perspective on how good I feel after these past 3 months. The "taking care of myself" without some of the stress and tension that work can bring is refreshing. As I sat in the office yesterday thinking about how lucky I am, I was humbled.

It is good to have a skill that can be used and that I can still use. It is good to be able to share with my co-workers. Finally, it is doing something I like.

Sure, it's nice to have the extra money and stretch what I have until I turn 66 and can take full Social Security. I can put some more aside for some trips and "toys."

But that isn't worth it if I am unhappy. Life's too short.

How blessed am I!

A day of gratitude without any doubt.

And I can always go back to semi-retirement hours at any time.

Never Too Late

We were at the Grand Ole Opry this past Friday evening. A first visit for me and a great line-up of legends and music. Bt the main reason I am writing about it today is simply the performance by Mac MacAnally. Mac is a singer, songwriter, musician. He is part of Jimmy Buffet's band as well as a solo artist. He has been around for quite a few years and won numerous Country Music awards.

He is 57 years old.

And Friday evening was the first time he ever played that musically-hallowed place.

It's never too late! Which resonated with me as I head further into my semi-retirement, or more to the point, my Third Career.

Here's a video of Mac performing an Allman Brothers song, Little Matha, that he did on stage at the Opry. It was even more impressive in person- and Mac got a standing ovation.

Way to go.

Enjoy the video.

The Best Reason

I am just finishing Why We Write edited by Meredith Maran. It is an an interesting compilation from 20 successful writers about their craft. As a writer I was interested in the thought processes that go into different people's writing and style. As is to be expected there is little consensus since each person has their own style. Several things struck me, though, and even resonate.

1. They can't NOT write.

2. They've known this for a long time, even before they became "writers."

3. There's no successful short-cut or one style that will produce success.

4. Writing is work. Work you love to do and have to do, but still work.

5. If you want to be a writer, you have to write. (See #1)

I agree with these in my own less than "acclaimed writer" place. I have 34 years of journals and journal-like notebooks from all kinds of times and places in my life. They speak of the mountains of northern Pennsylvania, walking the streets of New York with a friend, 30-days in rehab, mission trips in various places.

They also speak of the day-to-day reflections of my life. I have always felt compelled to write.

Now that I am in semi-retirement I am going to attempt to make writing a part of my Third Career. I have the time, no full-time day job to worry about. I am not sorry that it has taken this long. It takes many of us a long time to grow young. I have also needed to fill all those other compulsions of my life, like helping people, counseling, ministry, etc.

So, for the next six-weeks I am going to focus on one particular set of writing. For the past six years I have been percolating a memoir and it's time to go back to those pages and pages in my journals where the initial writings took place. I am excited- and scared- of the process ahead. I will keep posting these wanderings here, but it is time to do "full-time" what I have been doing for so long already.

The best reason is always #1- I can't NOT write.

Wrestling On

Over the last month of being “semi-retired” and not being as immersed in the daily work, I have found myself wrestling with religious issues as if I were back in the pulpit again. I have been blind-sided by this movement in my life. Not that I left it behind over the past 10 years of working outside the church. The posts of this blog often had that religious direction to them.

But here I am spending a lot of time talking to myself in these words about what it means to be the church, to be part of the church.

So why am I still preaching? At least, still preaching in my writing? Why am I still working on being part of the church? Why can’t I quit you?

Yes, it is that kind of a relationship. It is one I am stuck in and with because I am unable to leave it behind.

Now that is scary. That is what I hear all the time from my patients and others who are still stuck in addiction. It is why I described the movie that line is from as about love addiction- co-dependence.

Perhaps some of it has to do with the fact that I spent 30 years of my adult life serving the institution- and I want to make sure it was for the right reasons. On one hand I know it was for many good and wonderful things came out of it. People were touched, loved, brought into deeper relations with the Creator of the Universe.

But the church is an imperfect organization that hurts people as much as it helps them. Not necessarily a given congregation, but the Church. The human institution is very capable of doing evil. A scan of religious news of the past several decades would easily give enough examples to fill many books.

Many people have been abused and misused by other church people. Judgmentalism, self-righteousness, anger clothed as “holiness”, violence in order to protect God’s good name have not been missing from the day in and day out life of many churches. People have been cheated, lied to, accused of wrong doing by leaders they thought they could trust. Even when the truth comes out, the abused and misused have been sure they were wrong and their leaders had to be right.

The institution itself perpetuates its own myths. We think of ourselves more highly than we deserve to be thought of, yet are often truly humble and willing to reach out to the least and lost around us. Most positive social change has started in one way or another in the halls of faith as a response to living out the call of God. Abolition of slavery, civil rights, building homes with the poor, feeding the street people are but small pieces of the work of the churches.

Yet these were just as often opposed by church people using the same Bible to keep the status quo in place and the poor and oppressed in their place. The KKK found a fiery cross for its symbol and Hitler easily co-opted a country of deep religious history into buying his Final Solution.

There is always a “Yes, but…” in the discussion about the church. There is always another side, the opposite side sometimes good, sometimes evil, but clearly able to be seen. The church slowly makes its snail-like progress through the centuries, often stuck in an image and understanding one generation behind.

Hence the eternal need for prophets in the church. When the institution becomes too secular it is challenged to go deeper into its faith. When the church becomes too comfortable in serving itself the prophetic challenges it to step outside the box. When it throws out tradition because it doesn’t seem to be “relevant” the voices remind it that tradition can be solid ground in difficult times. Or when tradition is the end-all and be-all a prophetic vision breathes new life into the seemingly dead bones.

In short, the church is always in the process of dying- and always having the holy wind of God’s resurrection pushing at its stone-guarded doors.

This is what I am wrestling with today. We will see where it goes, of course. I seem to say that about many different things, but then again, I am always this work-in-progress. I seek each day to be led by my Higher Power. Step Eleven of the Twelve-Step programs is very clear and what I try to do each and every day. I try to seek

through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, asking only for knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry it out.

Feedback?

Taking a Risk

Came across an article from U S News and World Report on Yahoo News. (Link.) It headlined:

Retire At Your Own Risk.

It goes on to point out the roll of the dice that one makes when one decides voluntarily to retire. The biggest risk is, of course the financial concerns that could arise when you don't have the same regular pay check month in and month out. These days a person retiring in their early- to mid-60s could very easily live 20 years in retirement. That's half a work career. The uncertainties of the next 20 years could easily be greater than the last 20. Who knows?! So that's the biggest roll of the dice.

Potentially as big a risk is:

What in the world are you going to do with all that time?

The article points out the increased freedom and opportunities to do things. But how do you handle an unscheduled schedule? How do you do when you have to be a self-starter? It would be a shame, as the article points out, to have gotten this far only to find that you're bored, feeling useless, or unable to keep interested.

As I read the article I gave thanks that I was put in touch with a "wellness" or "life" coach earlier last year. I spent 4 months working with him. I let him ask me questions about myself and what I want out of life. No, not what I want out of retirement, rather what I want out of LIFE! We explored what makes me tick and what have been the things in my past 40 years that have helped make me who I am today- AND how that impacts what the next time of life will include.

Early in the process I came to calling this my "Third Career." Career One was ordained church ministry. That was 30 years. Overlapping that for the last 10 years of my church ministry was Career Two as I became a licensed counselor. That continued for 10 years beyond the church years. So Career Two was 20 years worth of work and life. I continue that into this year (and maybe longer) on a part-time basis while Career Three grows and matures.

Already in six weeks of the semi-retirement I am very grateful for the coaching. I knew the things I absolutely had to keep in front of me. I knew the things I really wanted to work on developing. And I knew some of the things that will hang around the edge of my new way of seeing the world and my place in it. It is still not easy to wrap my mind around the different structure that I'm attempting to build. I am more aware of our cash-flow of income and expense than I have ever been. I find myself motivated differently than I have ever been before.

I still go in to work. Those keep me connected with the people who have been so much a part of my life over the past few years. While I am building the new structure, the old gives me some familiar places to hang out and see how am changing. It is quite intriguing, I have to admit. It is a little uncertain- and the finances are- and probably will remain at the top of that list.

But if I have learned anything over the years it is that with the right mix of planning and flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants what is important will settle out. The coaching was a huge help. I would highly recommend anyone to find a coach, counselor, adviser, or spiritual guide to help you move into any such change.

It Was a Very Good Year

The year is gone- and a new one has begun. It is difficult to summarize a year, of course. Here are some numbers from my 2013.

Reading and movies are a big part of my life. They take me to many places and open my world in more ways than I can begin to count. But here are 77 of them:

59 = Number of books read
18 = Number of movies seen

But life is more than sitting and having my world opened. I had to get up and move around, too. These numbers sure helped make my life even better.

    49 = Number of days biking outside
  116 = Number of days biking indoors (165 days!)
1,534 = Total number of biking miles (indoor and out)

Partly as a result of the above, but also because of I needed to do so by watching what I ate and how I ate, this is the number I am proudest of:

30 = pounds lost

THIS is one non-number that makes me excited for 2014.

Semi-retirement = best personal action of the year

``` ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ```

 And, yes, I have some goals for 2014 that include:

   15 = additional pounds to lose
 250 = number of days biking (outdoors and in)
    2 = Books started and at least partly written
    2 = Fitness instructor/trainer certifications earned
    1 = MLB All-Star game activities at Target Field
365 = Days to be surprised at what is in store

Seeing Signs and Portents?

My local coffee shops have these big chalkboards (blackboards) where they ask people to write something. Thursday evening at one of the shops the question was "What's your New Year's Resolution?" I don't normally make resolutions but I felt led to put one there: "Write a book."

Yesterday I walked into another one of the shops and their question was "What is something different you would like to do in the new year?" I didn't write anything on this one. But there was something there that stood out to me as a sign or omen or portent. "Time travel!" was highlighted by someone.

I had to laugh. That does connect with the "write a book" I put on the other chalkboard. You see I have been playing around with a story idea for about a year now. It's not enough to be a book, but it is something I would really like to write and finish this next year.

It's a time travel story. Which is all I will say about it right now. However, I have a hunch I have just found one of the things I am going to be working on over the next couple months and see how it goes.

After all, one of the reasons I have moved to the part-time, semi-retirement approach to my life over the next months prior to actual retirement is that I have wanted to really concentrate on writing. I don't think I have the makings of a novel anywhere right now, but a short story or three? Why not?

Which will also give me the discipline to be working on a memoir and doing some non-fiction essay writing. Sure, I hope to get published, and I am working on some of the ways and places to do that. For the time being, though, I am just going to start writing.

As to the semi-retirement, I have been at it for over three weeks now. So far- so good. No new insights yet. I am still playing with the idea and emotion of "retirement." It is clear that this way of planning and leading into it was a good way of working it. I still have enough connections with the job I have been doing that I don't feel "out in the cold." I will be working a little more than half-time in January, but never having to get up early and go into work first thing in the morning.

Onward I go.

Surprising Actions

Those who have known me for years know that I have never been a morning person. The snooze button is one of the great modern inventions. It has allowed me to avoid the getting-out-of-bed decision more often than not. This does not mean I haven't gotten up early for things like work. That's a given. For most of the past 6 years I have been out of bed by 5:30 am most work days; sometimes a little later, but not very often. That is one of the nice perks of this semi-retirement that started a few weeks ago- no more early mornings.

Most mornings, though, I have been getting up before the alarm. I kind of do some things around, check the computer, etc. Well, this morning it went to an extreme. I woke up and was having trouble and couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up.

At 7:15 am.

By 10:45 I:

• took the car for an oil change
• got a haircut
• went to the library and picked up a book and
• shopped for some things I needed at the grocery.

A full day's effort before 11:00.


Where is my body and what have you done with it?

Okay- I confess- I did take a nap this afternoon.

But hey, it's on my time.

Things are interesting. I am not yet accustomed to this non-scheduled schedule. But it is fun.