Living in Denial

I realized one morning last week that I am living in denial, in this case about my aging and retirement. As many of you may remember, I went on "semi-retirement" last December. I was on this plan for three months, one of which we spent in Alabama practicing for full retirement. When we returned from our trip (can't call it vacation if one isn't really working a full-time job) I went back to work full-time covering an extended leave. It has been going on now for 11 weeks.

The end is nearing. Probably at the end of 13 weeks, a quarter of the year, I will be back to my semi-retirement and back to some of the things I had started in December. Over these past 11 weeks I have often seen my life as having a job and a half- the full-time work at the clinic and the part-time work of writing and researching. I didn't get much of the sorting and straightening, scanning and posting that I wanted to with the reduced time for the second job (or Career Three as I named it.) It has been fun. It's good to be back at work in a job I love and which i seem to have some skill at. It is good to be around my colleagues day after day.

But I am living in the dream world that I am not going to retire. Maybe if I don't I won't continue to grow older; maybe I can stay young; perhaps I can go on forever.

I know I am exaggerating, but not by much. I have a lot of things I still want to get done in Career Three, places I want to explore this summer and fall, articles and books and music I want to read, write, compose and play. I want to enjoy games at Target Field- including the All-Star Game in July. I am looking forward to a trip to the headwaters of the Mississippi with my wife in August.

Life is good. So it is important that I don't let denial keep me from enjoying it. I thought of trying to extend the full-time gig for more weeks. But that isn't going to happen. I have seen the light of my denial. It's time to get back to what I was planning for a year ago. It's time to keep moving into this new life. I will keep connections and part-time at work. But the pace will change.

It has been a great ride- unexpected back in December, but one that has reaffirmed much about my career choices and my next stages. So once again I am a short-timer at work. It will be hard moving on- again- but it will also renew the excitement.