Watchword for 2018

In our Moravian tradition we choose a "watchword" for the year as the new year begins. There are a variety of ways that different congregations do it. In general they are pulled at random from a collection of scripture passages like those used in the daily devotional guide, The Daily Texts (Losungen in the German tradition). The Losungen tradition goes back to May 1728 (yes, 290 years!) as a daily "watchword" was chosen from an Old Testament passage. The Moravian Daily Texts book is still published and is translated into over 50 languages. LINK to more information on The Daily Texts.

Sometimes people can look at these chosen watchwords in some superstitious or "prophetic" way. The main idea is for it to be word that guide you through the day and year. Not being in a Moravian Church at this point, I still find it a great way to start the year. I first look at the watchword (OT) text for my birthday, and this year, as is often the case, it was right on target.

In [God's] hand is the life of every living thing.
-Job 12:10

I double-checked the full passage and, as usual, found more that adds to the power of the word. It is Job himself who's speaking. He is reacting to the attempted words of "comfort" from his three friends. They have been chastising Job for his challenging God and asking the creator for answers to why this was happening to him, a righteous man. (We know he is a righteous man. The story sets it up that way. Also, Job has to be one of my favorite books of the Bible raising very contemporary concerns and questions. But that's another post.)

They come up with all the standard answers but focused mainly on the punishing aspect of God. In other words, they tell him that he is in denial, he is not such a good person, he must have done something really awful for God to punish him this badly. "Repent, Job, and all will be okay," is their heartless message.

Job argues very simply that they are wrong. Period. Yes, everyone, in fact all of creation knows that God takes care of everything and that God is aware of everything. The difficulty is that we want to know what God is, or isn't, doing.

In short, this passage is a statement of trust. Way back in chapter 1, Job had proclaimed that the LORD has given and the LORD has taken away- blessed be the Name of the LORD! He is reiterating that here in response to the "comfort" of his friends.

In the end, at this point in Job's life, that may be all that can be said.

Trust in God. Radical trust in God.

No matter what.

Work therefore to feel the presence and the hand of God on me...

No matter what.

Talk about continuing the resistance to the ways of the world. A good watchword for 2018!

The Tuning Slide: 3.12- Inner Game Skills- Will and Trust

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Never let the thoughts of self-unworthiness re-arrange your prepared passion for failure. You can do it even if others say you can't. But you cannot do it if you tell yourself you can't.
― Israelmore Ayivor

Last week I wrote about awareness, the first of what Barry Green and Tim Gallwey call the “skills” of the Inner Game of music. I wrote:

Non-judgmental awareness moves us into a place where we aren’t fighting what’s happening, analyzing it, trying to “fix” it. We are simply letting it be…

There are two skills which build on top of this awareness- will and trust that I want to look at this week. These are all skills that help us grow toward a healthy balance of Self One trying to analyze and fix and Self Two working on what’s natural. Let’s start with “will.” From Google:

• The faculty by which a person decides on and initiates action.
⁃ synonyms: determination, willpower, strength of character, resolution, resolve, resoluteness, single-mindedness, purposefulness, drive, commitment, dedication, doggedness, tenacity, tenaciousness, staying power - "the will to succeed"

• Control deliberately exerted to do something or to restrain one's own impulses.
⁃ synonyms: desire, wish, preference, inclination, intention, intent, volition

The first thought is obvious- we seem to be talking about willpower and doing what you want to do. In and of itself, that is true. But there is more than just “the will” to do something. One of the things research has shown over the past number of years is that, believe it or not, “willpower” has limits- you can “use it up.” If you go through a whole day having to exert choices and willpower to do- or not do- something, your ability to resist temptation at the end of the day is greatly reduced. You don’t have as much “willpower” left. So, let’s dig in a little and see if we can find some directions in this.

Will is both a decision- drive, purpose, dedication- and the exertion to do (or not do) something. It depends on what you discover through the skill of “awareness to refine and develop what it is you are intending to do and accomplish. From Gallwey and Green as I said last week:

• Will can be described as the direction and intensity of our intentions. It sets the goals, keeps us on course, works through trial and error to keep us on course.

Will does start with some exertion of willpower, but that’s not what it’s about. It is about goals and making decisions to move toward those goals. Goals, Green says

• are the direction finders for our will and the major “will skill” that we need to learn is goal clarity… When we have clear goals and are focused on them, our concentration can be sustained. (Green, p. 53)

In other words if we know what we desire (learned through awareness) and have set clear goals, it becomes easier to stay focused and aware. Again, to Green

• When we are clear about our musical goals, we find that … reserves of strength and energy become available to us. On the other hand, when we are uncertain about our goals, it is hard to bring our will to bear on them and easy for our concentration to wander. (Green, p. 53)

We can reach a point- call it force of habit or whatever- where you don’t need to exert as much will to do something. Now Self Two is beginning to step more clearly into the picture. Self Two has taken over some of the work of the will because I enjoy what I’m doing. The awareness, built in Self One has relaxed about these concerns. I don’t worry about some of the technical issues around these concerns. I now pick up the horn to practice every day- and usually at least twice on most days- even if I have a gig or rehearsal later in the day- because it is what I do. It is natural. It is relaxed. It is fun.

Which brings me to the third of the Inner Game skills- trust. Let’s go back to what I said based on Green last week:

• Trust allows the simple awareness to take place without self-criticism, it lets you go through trial and error without giving up, and it lets you be open to tapping your inner resources to perform your best.

In other words Self One knows that Self Two is actually more competent than once thought. Self Two can step aside on those issues and relax while maintaining the awareness of what needs to happen next. But it does that with less self-criticism than it used to. It can now criticize what is happening without adding negative judgements. It knows that I and Self Two are listening and will do something about it. Again, to Green, this is not:

• Blind trust but the trust that comes after hard work, and the trust the comes from knowing there is music inside you…. We have seen that our awareness and will “skills” are powerful tools that can help us solve problems and give intensity and direction to our music. In order to achieve our ultimate goal and enter the state of relaxed concentration where we are one with the music, there is one more skill we need. We need to trust ourselves.

There are barriers to trust that we have to work on. Some of the most common for me are

• Worrying about what others think of me
• Being a failure
• Feeling out of control
• Doubting my abilities.
• Performance anxiety

Fortunately these can be dealt with and I will do so in more depth next week. Dealing with them takes the openness to an awareness of what’s going on within you, including a personal inventory of what you CAN do and what skills you can being to bear on them. It then takes the will to set clear goals and move toward them. But more on that next time.

The barriers can all describe where I was when I attended that Big Band Weekend at Shell Lake Arts Center in June 2015. I felt overwhelmed, outplayed, out of control and exhibited a lack of skill and a lot of performance anxiety. But I also loved what was happening. So I then attended the week-long Trumpet Workshop and found some direction. As a result, I started this expanded trumpet journey. But I had no real goal other than in some way or another to become the best damn trumpet player I can become at my age. I was excited and determined. But I had no idea how to do that. So I started simple- just pick up the horn and practice. As often as possible. Simple goal- aim at playing every day for at least an hour.

Over the next year I averaged between 60% and 80% of days and increased to about an hour and a quarter a day. I managed three months of daily practice! In the middle of the second year I reached the daily practice level- now going on six months without missing a day and have reached anywhere up to two and a quarter hours a day.

I didn’t do that through willpower alone. Yes, it started that way, but the I knew that the simple goal I set was the way to become a better player. I used the same method of goals to learn the 12 major scales around the Circle of Fourths. I then sought to improve my embouchure and stretch my range through some specific exercises. Both of those have been working. These all started with an awareness that I needed to do something. I then set goals, simple, achievable goals to move in that direction. I have been able to sustain and improve my concentration which moved it beyond just exerting my will to pick up the trumpet and play.

I actually trust myself today! I am discovering the music within me like never before in over 50 years of being a trumpet player.

The journey is worth it. Set your goals and move.

The Tuning Slide: Adding to the Music

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Why can't jazz musicians just leave a melody alone?
-Peter Capaldi

The previous two posts have dealt with improvising, what could be considered the mainstay of jazz. From small combos to big bands the music is wide open for the possibility of composing on the fly. How that improvised solo fits into the whole form of the particular song varies with styles, size of the ensemble, abilities of different members of the group. In some groups, for example, the first trumpet may not have as many improvisation skills so they tend to play the written parts while the second trumpet takes the improvised solos. In songs from the Great American Songbook of standards, the well-known melody of the song is shared around the different sections with one or two sections devoted to the improvised solo.

In most instances, though, this is built on the originally composed song. The song may be just the main theme (the head) and a closing coda of the theme. In-between the soloists go off on their own understandings of the song’s feel. The rhythm section often “comps” under the solo. (Think Dave Brubeck’s amazingly steady piano in “Take Five” under Paul Desmond’s wondrous solo.) In the beginning, then, all of the music is someone’s composition. The original song or theme or melody. Add to that the chord changes, tempo, mood, rhythmic structure, and written accompaniment and you have the song which will most likely change every time the group plays it.

That is jazz. But it requires that original song. It requires composing something on which to build. It is why jazz musicians do not leave the melody alone. They hear more than just the melody- they hear a whole composition starting with the original melody. This is not something new. Bach was known as a superb improvisor. For some of Mozart’s piano compositions, the solos are at times just a bare bones skeleton of the piece. Know one knows what Mozart played when he performed those pieces. The full score never existed.

How does all this happen? How does any one of us move into composition- either written scores or improvised solos? I have been experimenting on and off with that in the past year. I have a bluegrass medley that I would like to have our brass quintet play. I have been working on an improvisation on the folk song made famous by the Beach Boys and Kingston Trio- Sloop John B. I have some other melodies that I have heard in my imagination and would someday like to turn into a written composition, whether for jazz or brass quintet. I figured this was a good place in this jazz series to talk about that and see how it has fit together with so much else of what music is all about. So here are the essentials as I have been discovering them:

• Listening
“What jazz are you listening to? How often are you listening?” These are two important questions to ask yourself on a regular basis. In order to begin to grasp what jazz music can be you have to listen. On recordings; on the Internet; in person. Finding live, improvised jazz can be difficult in some places, but it is worth the effort. Get in there, watch the musicians, their interactions, their reactions. Listen to the phrases and get into the groove. Don’t use it as background music. It’s alive.

• Learning the language
The reason to listen is simple. Jazz music, like all music has its own unique language. I’ve talked about this before- and I will again. The learning for many of us is that initial listening. You may not understand what it’s saying at first, but as you surround yourself with the music the phrases and low of the music will begin to make sense.

• Listening
So you listen some more.

• Singing your music
For me singing along was a great start to working on composition. Sing the melody, sing a counter melody, sing a walking bass line, sing the chord changes of a 12-bar blues, sing nonsense syllables (scat singing), let the rhythm sing from within you.

• Experimenting
Then pick up your horn and play over some songs you like. Get an app like iReal Pro. Find web sites that have accompaniment tracks available. Work with the Jamie Aebersold books and CDs. Some of these will work better for you than others. For some reason I am still struggling with the Aebersold resources but iReal Pro helps me. One of my goals in the next few months is to double down on the Aebersold and see if I can move past that barrier. Your experimenting will help you get the feel of the language and you will be surprised (I have) when something happens that you never thought you would be able to do. Riff off the melody; play chord progressions; make the mistakes in your practice room and figure out how not to make the same mistakes more than once.

• Listening
Did I make it clear about the listening? By this time it may even be an idea on some of these to record and listen to yourself and your solos. But don’t stop listening to others. The language skills grow from the hearing, the imitating, the experimenting.

• Learn solos by ear- transcribe them
This is the most difficult for me. This is just like ear-training in any language learning. It is just as essential in learning jazz. Even if we never plan on doing much improvisation, to learn the solos, to improve our ear for the language, will help make us better musicians overall and will help the written scores become more identifiable and musical.

• Repeat
Go back to the top and start over.

As we do these things we are composing. We are making our own music. I know that none of this is all that earth-shattering- or new. I used to think and hope that if I bought the right book, read the right information, watched the right YouTube video that this would all fall into place. It won’t. Aebersold books could line my shelves, but if I don’t take the steps into the new and different, I won’t improve.

What this does is get me in touch with me- my music, my songs, my soul. As I express that music I am composing a whole new story to add to the greater story around me. That is important. This is what we do every day in our daily lives- we compose something new out of what has been around us. That something new can only come from us. I can’t leave life alone in the same old rut. Jazz teaches me how to take the risks to tell my story in a new language.

Last year musician John Raymond had this to say after he had spent some time focusing on composing. It is what it’s all about:

At the end of the day, so much of composing (to me at least)
is about trusting who you are, what you love,
and about trusting the music that YOU hear.
Just like improvising, it's an incredibly personal process and your goal is
ultimately to be as honest as you can be.
(John Raymond, email, September 2016)

Tuning Slide: The Reality of Dreams

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

-Henry David Thoreau

A month or so ago I came across a group of people going door-to-door for some cause or other. I was polite and said, "Hello. How are things going?" The answer was a kind of sarcastic, almost fatalistic, "Living the dream!"

Huh? I just went on my way- as did they.

A couple days ago I was talking to a fellow trumpet player who asked about my involvement in groups and my regular routine. After telling him he responded, "Well, that is being a musician full-time."

I smiled and said that this has been a dream of mine for years- to be a "full-time musician. Finally, with semi-retirement, I'm doing it."

When I stop and think about that statement I am still taken aback. What right does a 67-year old retired pastor and semi-retired counselor have to think he can be a "full-time musician?" Even though I don't need to do it to make a living, is it realistic? Isn't it naïve to think it is possible or should even be worth doing?

One of the quotes I wrote down at the end of trumpet camp last summer was:

The reality of dreams comes from naive ideas.

Simply put, even to think some of our dreams are possible is an act of naive belief. As usual, I like to look at definitions and found these two for naive:

• showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment.
• natural and unaffected; innocent.

Most times when we dream of things we would like to do or become there is a definite lack of experience. It is naive in that we don't know what it means or even how to get there. It sounds impossible. We may be told, "Get real!"

A lack of experience, wisdom and judgment, however, can easily lead to the second definition- innocent. Many dreams have a simple, joyful aspect to them. They are based on innocent belief that this might just very well be possible. It can be found in that age-old question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I once wanted to be an astronaut. But it wasn't a dream. Just a sense of adventure. I also dreamed of being a youth worker, a counselor, a preacher, a radio announcer and a TV host/producer.

I have been ALL of these at times in the past 50 years. I found ways to make all those naive dreams into reality.

I have also dreamed of being a musician. I never let go of that one. Things often got in the way- like earning a living, time commitments, etc. But I never let the trumpet go. Whenever and however I could, I found ways to keep playing, however sporadic or mediocre it was at times.

The subject is dreams and believing in them as possible. This is all about the reality of dreams beginning in naive innocence and growing into existence.

When researching this week's post I came across a blog by Joey Tartell, an Associate Professor of Trumpet and the Director of Undergraduate Studies at Indiana University’s Jacobs School of Music. In a post titled "Belief" he had this to say:

Last week, in a lesson, I told a student that I knew she could play the piece in question great. But the look I got back from her reminded me of the second hardest part of teaching:

There are times where the teacher has more belief in the student than the student has in her/himself....

Which brings me back to belief. It’s a very difficult concept to teach. Try this: picture a player that you admire. Now you need to know that that player was once a beginner. That player was not born playing at a world class level. That player had to learn fundamentals and music just like everyone else. And on the first day of playing did not sound like a professional. So if that player can do it, why not you?

Belief in oneself is at the heart of turning dreams into reality.Belief is based on your dreams and the reality those dreams represent. Belief is based on what you think you are able to accomplish, what your skills are and, just as importantly, what your skills can develop into!

Back when I was talking about the Inner Game of Music I wrote the following:

Self-trust. Do you believe you can do it? Have you worked on being able to do it? Have you set goals, formal or informal to be ready to do it? Have you allowed you and the music to meld into a unique idea?

If so, you can do it.

If not, don't quit, just go back and work some more. But remember, sooner or later we will have to be ready. Do it. You know you can.

That is belief and it is basic to overcoming the inner barriers we place in our own way. Such trust and belief is what we build as we practice, develop helpful and healthy routines, begin to develop our skills into new levels of experience and even expertise. This is where those routines and experiences, the people we hang around with, the story we discover in ourselves and the song we sing come together. In our dreams and the belief we can live them.

Joey Tartell concludes his post:

So here’s what I need for you to do:

• Dream big. Think of what you want to do, not what you’d settle for.
• Realize that someone gets to do that, so it could be you.
• Get working, because it’s unlikely anyone is just going to hand it to you. You need to earn it.

But most importantly, believe in the possibility. Like most things, this becomes a logic problem for me. So follow me here:

• If you don’t believe, your chances of success are virtually zero.
• If you believe, your chances are now higher than zero just based on the acceptance of the possibility of success.

Link- Belief to Dreams

By the way- the Shell Lake Trumpet Camp is less than three months away. Link.

The Tuning Slide: Inner Game 2: Trust

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

The nerves are a problem on trumpet,
because when you mess up everyone can hear it.

Just remember most people are too polite
to say anything about it.

That should calm your nerves.
-- Wynton Marsalis

I have introduced the background of the Inner Game in a couple earlier posts. In the Inner Game of Music Barry Green adapted the original work of W. Timothy Gallwey. Basically Gallwey and Green describe two parts of who we are, Self 1 and Self 2. Simply put,

• If it interferes with your potential, it is Self 1.
• If it enhances your potential, it is Self 2.

The next part then is to learn and develop three fundamental “inner game” skills. Candace Brower on the Albuquerque Music Teacher’s blog writes:

Green advises us that if we want to reach our full potential as musicians, we need to learn three fundamental skills: (1) awareness, (2) will, and (3) trust. Awareness is about being fully aware of the sounds, sights, and feelings of playing while avoiding self-judgments that could distort our perceptions. Will is about setting goals, then using the feedback we get from being aware to reach our goals through a process of trial and error. Trust is about letting go of self-judgment and of the physical act of playing to Self 2 and trusting Self 2 to get it right.

Without specifically dealing with the Inner Game, I have spent quite a bit of time already on awareness (mindfulness, attention, etc.) and setting goals. So what’s this thing with trust? Green writes that this is

Not blind trust, but the trust that comes after hard work, and the trust that comes from knowing there is music inside you….

In order to achieve our ultimate goal and enter the state of relaxed concentration where we are one with the music, there is one more skill we need. We need to trust ourselves.

There are, according to Green, three major obstacles to trust:

• Worries about your self-image,
• The feeling that things are out of your control, and
• Doubts and fears about your own ability.

These feed Self 1’s objections to our playing well. Any of these can creep in and interfere with our music. Let's look at each as Green talks about them.

• Self-image
  "Music is a performing art," says Green. He then says the secret to getting beyond self-image is to give "yourself the character and emotions of the music. You become the music, not yourself." This is like being an actor playing a part. The goal of the actor is to express the character not their own personality. So it is with music. We come to accept our role as "interpreters of the composer's music."
  
  Okay- easier said than done, especially when we are playing a solo. Our image as a performer can be at stake, we think, if we flub it. If we keep aware of the fact that it is not about us, we are well along the way.
  
  
• Out of control
  Self 1 wants to keep control and make sure everything is going the way it wants. Letting go of control is then the direction to go in our learning. How do we learn to "let go" to Self 2?
  
  That depends to a great extent on the awareness, goal-setting, and preparation work we have been doing. It is based on trusting ourselves. Why should we? Because we have had years of listening and playing; we have had years of physical training of our embouchure, breathing, fingering; and we have been storing all kinds of information in our nervous system to respond when needed. Every one of us has known that moment when we stop worrying and let go to the music. That is the moment when we are in "the groove" - and it works. That's trusting ourselves. We are not in control- and don't need to be- because Self 2 and the music are.
  
  
• Doubting our abilities
  Hard to believe that a trumpet player will ever doubt his or her ability. That sure doesn't match our perceived self-image and personality. But we didn't start that self-assured about our ability nor do we always have it conquered. But really, what's the worst that could happen? Self 1 will be good at making a catastrophe out of it, but really, what is the worst that is most likely to happen? Chances are it won't be anywhere near as bad as good, old Self 1 thinks.
  
  What's the best that could happen? Probably a more likely prospect than the worst. Plus, unless there is a recruiter from the New York Philharmonic or the Canadian Brass sitting in the audience the best that could happen is most likely the warmth of having done a job well.

Many years ago my daughter and I were pondering our first ever roller coaster ride. She was 8 or 9 and I was in my early 40s. I had not ridden a coaster in decades; she never. We sat on a bench where we could watch the coaster we were considering. I counted the seconds to the top. I counted the seconds of the first drop. I timed the whole ride. We asked each other the questions about worst and best. Could we survive for those couple seconds it took to drop? Would I be way too nervous to bear the tension of the ride to the top? Would we get sick? (Probably not- and it wouldn't last long if we did.) Would we like it? (Probably- but if not, we just don't have to do it again.) We would be completely out of control. (But strapped in.)

We went on the ride.

And then got back in line to do it again. For the next hour. The worst didn't happen, but the best did. We had, in the end, only one real decision to make- did we trust the people who built, maintain, and operate the ride? Just like needing to trust my own ability to play.

Self-trust is the result of our practice and techniques we learn. That crazy run in Tchaikovsky's "Finale to Symphony #4" doesn't look quite as impossible when you realize it is just a variation on all those scales you have been doing for the past years. The solo in Holst's "Song Without Words" from Holst's "Second Suite" isn't quite as scary when you have listened to it for months and done some innovations on how it is constructed and you can see it's form in your mind.

Self-trust. Do you believe you can do it? Have you worked on being able to do it? Have you set goals, formal or informal to be ready to do it? Have you allowed you and the music to meld into a unique idea?

If so, you can do it.

If not, don't quit, just go back and work some more. But remember, sooner or later we will have to be ready. Do it. You know you can.

The player needs to be able to forget about himself. This is when real communication begins. For with the elimination of the self, he is able to reach the very core of the music, and is free to transmit it. 

-Kato Havas

[Footnote: Ms. Brower in the blog post cited above gives a very good counter argument about the seeming “bad guy” status that Green gives to Self 1. She focuses instead on Galleway’s original idea that the purpose of the inner game is to bring Self 1 and Self 2 into harmony with each other. (How’s that for a good musical idea?) I agree with Ms. Brower and will do some more on this and the insights from neurologists about the brain in a future post.]

Different Ways to See This

Note: About to be a spiritual curmudgeon. 

Just thought I would warn you!

Saw a meme posted on Facebook the other day.

Say AMEN if God has ever answered your prayer.
Hit like if you believe in the power of prayer.

Well, I did neither! Not because God has never answered my prayer or because I don't believe in the power of prayer. Both statements reflect truth in my life.

But not the way these memes usually mean it.

God always answers my prayers.

• The answer is "No!" when the prayer is about what I want and I haven't asked what God's will might be.
• The answer is "No!" when I'm being selfish or self-centered.
• The answer is "No!" because God has more important things to do than my petty wishes.

Do I believe in the power of prayer?

Of course I do. But that power only works when I am keeping my prayers focused on what prayer is really all about.

• Improving my contact with God. 
• I do that when the only thing I pray for is the knowledge of God's will for me (and others) and the power to live it in my life.

This view of prayer does not look for God to be like Santa giving good boys and girls what they want while placing lumps of coal in the stockings of the bad boys and girls. This view of prayer leads us into deeper communion with God as Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer. Then, as we grow deeper into that communion, we begin to realize that what we have and what we are doing needs always to be in communion with God's will.

When prayer "fails" it is usually our selfishness pulling us away from the will and grace of God.

The Tuning Slide - Watching With Wow! and Insight

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Last week I talked about the  "Wow!" factor and how it is  important not to fall prey to it in the sense of being overwhelmed and not getting intimidated by the music (or other things.)  Well, this past week I came across a trumpet quintet video that blew me away. My first reaction was "Wow!" But as I kept watching I allowed the music to move me and my understanding to flow from it.

Here's the video. Take 7 1/2 minutes if you like to watch and then read on.

Oklahoma State (Division Winner) perform Toccata and Fugue in ...
Oklahoma State University win the Getzen Trumpet Small Trumpet Ensemble Division with “Toccata and Fugue in D minor (Bach)” at the 2015 National Trumpet Competition.Video - Michael Cano
Posted by Auckland City Brass Band on Thursday, September 24, 2015

My first thoughts- any brass group doing a decent job on a Bach transcription deserves the "Wow!" The music of J S Bach is always spectacular and moving. Bach touches so many sides of the human experience that one must allow the music to live on its own. Math and magic and amazingly well-constructed phrases make Bach untouchable. His "Toccata and Fugue" ranks among his greatest works. The toccata shows the "improvisational" touch and the fugue the polyphonic structures. Originally written for organ, a brass transcription has to take certain liberties. Any group wanting to perform it has to know the music and their place in it.

So what was it about this group that caught my attention and my "Wow!"

First, they just start out with such confidence. The opening phrase sings and in so doing lifted me up into the music from the word go. "Now that we have your attention...."

That took poise and confidence. So second I was aware that this group was comfortable with itself and its musicianship. They are performing at a competition, so they have worked hard to get to this point, but they don't appear in the least bit nervous. They are there and want you to listen to them. They like what they are about to do- and they want you to enjoy it, too. They also trust each other that the other people will do what they are supposed to do.

As they play, I noticed, third, that they are aware of each other no matter what is going on. Even when the one moves around to the opposite end the whole group is involved. Their body language throughout let me know that they were playing as a unit. More than a team, the unit moves together with all parts moving smoothly.

Fourth, and I know this may be part of watching on a computer monitor, at times it is difficult to separate which player is playing at any given time. That is part of the movement I mentioned above. But it goes beyond that into the smooth transitions from each musical phrase to the next. The handing-off of the melody is seamless.

 Next, fifth, when they are having to move around, change instruments, adjust the tuning, they do so with class. Part of that is the awareness of each other, but it is also, I think, that they are aware that even when they are not playing, what they do is part of the music. That is an often overlooked aspect of a public performance. Yes, people are there to listen to the music, but the performers can do things onstage that detract from that. These musicians are very aware of that and work very clearly to keep it to a minimum.

Everything else falls into place for me as I notice these aspects. It allows me to revel in the wonderful sound they present, the fine technique that is always evident, the deep knowledge of the music itself since they are not using music.  The entertainment value of the music is enhanced. The success of the group is in their relationship with each other and the music.

Instead of just going "Wow!" I found some things for myself, none of which is profound in and of itself. We all know about working together with others as "teams" and "units." We are all aware that we need to be sensitive to those around us and their part in what we are doing together. We agree that if we do not feel comfortable or competent with what we are doing, we will not succeed.

I may never play the Toccata and Fugue in a trumpet or brass quintet, but the inspiration of this performance will have an impact on what I do play- and beyond that- to how I interact with people every day.

A Better Saying

I have often been hard on Church signs that have sayings that don't make sense, are overly cute, or just plain inane. Once in a while I do come across one that manages to say something that is a good reminder to me of my daily walk with my God and Higher Power. Here's the one I recently responded to in a positive way:

Is God your first thought or last resort?

My first response was easily

Great question!

As I pondered it further I naturally went to the old line that

there are no atheists in foxholes.

I'm not sure that is explicitly true, but it does clearly say that when our backs are up against a wall and there's no other way, people are more likely to turn to something or someone for help.

God as a last resort.

There's nothing wrong with that, of course. Most of the time we don't need to be stopping and praying to God for the least little thing. Those are the things I have always referred to as "parking place prayers." You know, you are running late, need to get to a store and out quickly so you say a prayer- God help me get a parking place quickly. [Full disclosure: While I admit to believing that the Creator of the universe has more important things to do, I do say those prayers from time to time.] But if that is the way I live, it is probably not the healthiest, in the long run. It can become simply a way of doing whatever I want to do and then asking God to bail me out.

So, I continued pondering the quote. I realized that this is the basic philosophy and way-of-life of the Twelve-Step groups. It is, in fact, Step Eleven:

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.

In the Big Book of AA, Bill W. wrote,

We shouldn't be shy in this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it.

The basic message is the challenge to make God our first thought instead of last resort. That means living my life in the presence of God, knowing God's love and grace, ever aware of my need for God's power(!) and God's daily willingness to provide we what I need, not always what I want.

In other words, God's will should be my first thought, my daily prayer, and my constant source of gratitude. As one begins to live that in more and more ways (and it is not as simple as some make it sound!!!) one  learns the truth of the admonition to

Pray without ceasing!

What a burden is lifted at that point. I don't have to know what's next. I just have to work at keeping myself in God's will or, as one hears in the Twelve-Step fellowships

just doing the next right thing

I guess that church sign did its job the other day. It didn't get me in "their" church, but it did keep me thinking about my faith and spirituality.

Must have been my Higher Power at work.

As usual.

A Leap of Faith

I love listening to Folk Alley, the Internet music service from Kent State University. Hardly a day goes by when some song grabs my attention. The one that got me the other day was a Guy Clark song sung by acoustic blues-master Eric Bibb. The chorus goes thus:

He's one of those who knows that life
Is just a leap of faith
Spread your arms and hold your breath
Always trust your cape

What a great line

life is just a leap of faith!

Truth can be made so real in such a short phrase. We may think life is supposed to be so many things- fair, just, fun, always good, centered on "me". Ah, but we learn that none of these is true. Life is less about fairness than it is about living. It is living with a "faith" that believes that something matters.

Concerns like fairness and justice are what we do with life. They are the ways we treat others. It is the building of community, rooted in our common life.

Today's Gospel lesson was Jesus telling his followers (and us) that we are branches on a bigger- greater- vine. He is that greater vine for those of us who are Jesus' followers. He is the way to be fed and nourished. But we are in it together. No single branch survives if it is disconnected.

The "leap of faith" we are called to take is simply to live in our awareness of our connections

• to each other
• to the communities we are part of
• to the Higher Power that created and feeds us
• to the power within each of us that allows us to follow.

You can define these in any way that is appropriate for your theology and spiritual outlook. The greater reality is that none of us is in this alone- and we don't need to be.

So jump into life- take that leap of faith.

Which is what the rest of the chorus tells us:

Spread your arms and hold your breath
Always trust your cape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I debated on using Guy Clark's or Eric Bibb's version of the song. Both are wonderful. I stuck with the one that I heard that inspired this post.

Toward Pentecost (9): Trust

Taking a Risk

Came across an article from U S News and World Report on Yahoo News. (Link.) It headlined:

Retire At Your Own Risk.

It goes on to point out the roll of the dice that one makes when one decides voluntarily to retire. The biggest risk is, of course the financial concerns that could arise when you don't have the same regular pay check month in and month out. These days a person retiring in their early- to mid-60s could very easily live 20 years in retirement. That's half a work career. The uncertainties of the next 20 years could easily be greater than the last 20. Who knows?! So that's the biggest roll of the dice.

Potentially as big a risk is:

What in the world are you going to do with all that time?

The article points out the increased freedom and opportunities to do things. But how do you handle an unscheduled schedule? How do you do when you have to be a self-starter? It would be a shame, as the article points out, to have gotten this far only to find that you're bored, feeling useless, or unable to keep interested.

As I read the article I gave thanks that I was put in touch with a "wellness" or "life" coach earlier last year. I spent 4 months working with him. I let him ask me questions about myself and what I want out of life. No, not what I want out of retirement, rather what I want out of LIFE! We explored what makes me tick and what have been the things in my past 40 years that have helped make me who I am today- AND how that impacts what the next time of life will include.

Early in the process I came to calling this my "Third Career." Career One was ordained church ministry. That was 30 years. Overlapping that for the last 10 years of my church ministry was Career Two as I became a licensed counselor. That continued for 10 years beyond the church years. So Career Two was 20 years worth of work and life. I continue that into this year (and maybe longer) on a part-time basis while Career Three grows and matures.

Already in six weeks of the semi-retirement I am very grateful for the coaching. I knew the things I absolutely had to keep in front of me. I knew the things I really wanted to work on developing. And I knew some of the things that will hang around the edge of my new way of seeing the world and my place in it. It is still not easy to wrap my mind around the different structure that I'm attempting to build. I am more aware of our cash-flow of income and expense than I have ever been. I find myself motivated differently than I have ever been before.

I still go in to work. Those keep me connected with the people who have been so much a part of my life over the past few years. While I am building the new structure, the old gives me some familiar places to hang out and see how am changing. It is quite intriguing, I have to admit. It is a little uncertain- and the finances are- and probably will remain at the top of that list.

But if I have learned anything over the years it is that with the right mix of planning and flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants what is important will settle out. The coaching was a huge help. I would highly recommend anyone to find a coach, counselor, adviser, or spiritual guide to help you move into any such change.

What About Lance?

Is he, or is he not, one of the truly great athletes of the past 20 years?

Lance Armstrong.

One who many thought was one of the "good guys" has been found out. The emperor had no new clothes. He was faking it. Juicing. Doping. Cheating and  lying.

But everyone was doing it, he might claim. He had to do it because they were.

No, I don't think that's how it went. THEY had to do it because HE was doing it.  In fact he made a major business of it, for himself and his teammates. He figured out how to get around the rules and regulations and showed others how to do it, too. Because he WAS Lance Armstrong, they went along.

Then he lied some more. He sued those who claimed he was breaking the rules. He won. Because he was Lance Armstrong.

The great survivor's story- a cancer survivor.

Whose cancer could well have been caused by the drugs he was using to be Lance Armstrong.

What a mess! What a God-awful mess!

Now he wants to be forgiven. Now he wants to make amends. Now he wants to come clean.

Because he's Lance Armstrong.

Not because it's the right thing to do at long, long last. No, he wants to come clean so he can be forgiven and be seen as good and righteous and holy. He wants to make amends so he can go back out and win some more and add more to his legacy. He just wants a time-limited sanction instead of a lifetime ban. Give me another chance.  This time, now, I am telling the truth. Trust me, because I am Lance Armstrong.

Sorry, Lance. It doesn't work. What you have done is devastating. You have ruined people. You made cycling a big sport, an Olympic-level sport and then misused, abused, and turned it into your own goldmine of self-aggrandizement. Now the sport is in question. The Olympics may even drop it.

Sorry, Lance. It won't work. I don't believe you anymore. I don't know when to accept your "truth" as reality or your own story to make you look better.

That doesn't mean you can't be forgiven. Of course you can. But that doesn't let you off the hook. Take responsibility for a change. Don't run the races for your glory. Run the races because they are there and help raise money to bring hope to more cancer patients. Run races and do it with humility. Don't need to be at the head of the pack.

Become the Lance Armstrong we all wanted you to be, the one you kept telling us was the real one. Was he? Show us. Over the long term.

There's a saying among some people I know. The only way to regain lost trust is consistency over time. So far your consistency over many years isn't one to instill much hope or trust. Be real, be honest, lose the grandiosity- and do it for years.

Maybe then we will believe you.

In the meantime, thanks for finally coming clean. Now do something with it.

(Note: He did tell Oprah that he raced clean in 2009 and 2010. I hope so. Yes, I am cynical and untrusting. There is no doubt that, even without the doping, he was and is a remarkable athlete. Driven, highly skilled, motivated! That has not been taken away. But let's see him show us in actions, not words.)

Christmas Eagle

Driving to the Cities on Christmas morning, I saw the unmistakeable silhouette and a patch of white to the west of the highway.

"Eagle!" I called to my wife as he soared at tree-top level to our left.

The white was clear on the head and tail. A majestic bird.

Surprisingly this was the first one I have seen in quite a while. I didn't get as many bike rides on the trails this past summer where I usually get the chance to see one of these birds several times. We also have not had the great view of a small lake like we used to have at an earlier apartment.

I am not superstitious, but I find these sightings of this great bird as positive signs. In some Native cultures, the Bald Eagle is seen as a messenger between the gods and humans. There is also the great quote from Isaiah that

they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

I saw my first Bald Eagle in the wild almost 25 years ago now. I had just gotten sober the autumn before. I was at church camp and looked up to see a Bald Eagle soaring not far from where we were standing. As a symbol of power and strength, I saw that as a message that I have not forgotten.

Thanks to the incredible resurgence of the Bald Eagle population in these past 25 years I have seen many of these majestic birds. I always take them as a sign. Sometimes just a reminder that the strength is real and available to do what I need to do each day. My Higher Power is real and present.

Sometimes it is a reminder of memories or people or situations. That's what happened on Tuesday. A reminder of the theme for the day in the mindfulness course I am involved in- Compassion. The news was still carrying the stories from Newtown, CT; another story from western New York of a killing of firemen; memories of people I know who have died or who, today, are going through difficulties and trials.

Behind all of this, I was reminded by the Christmas morning Eagle, there is a power greater than ourselves who can restore us to sanity. We, too, can soar, spiritually, with wings like eagles. We, too, can find the ways ahead of us by looking with the sharp eye of faith and trust.

Mindfulness is simply to be open to the moment and the signs that are always around us. The signs may mean something different to me than they do to you, but that is because we are each in different places. When I see one of these signs, on Christmas, the Bald Eagle, I can know that there is more to this than meets the eye.

They Are There....

And I Am Not

New York that is. Staten Island. Battery Park. Broadway. Statue of Liberty.

You know the place. The city so nice they named it twice.

Our church's mission team left yesterday for a week in the Big Apple to learn, grow, experience, and share. They will be assisting a local group in a big annual clothing distribution. I have been guiding the development of this trip since last fall. Mission trips are my passion. New York is one of my favorite places to go.

Why?

Because in New York you see all you need to see about the needs of your own community. You just see it through a great big magnifying glass. It's right there in your face, especially if you are from out of town and not become blinded by the familiar of the streets. The awareness raising there is second to none. And it is right here in the USA.

This would have been my sixth or seventh New York mission over the past 40 years. I have gone other places at home and abroad, but this was a new opportunity with a new group. But things didn't work out the way I had planned. As I have written here before things began to go south with my back a couple months ago. I tried to push it off. i tried to convince myself that it was going to be okay. Even when I went to see the surgeon I convinced him (and myself) that the surgery could wait until the end of September. All my travels and plans would be done then.

MY travels. MY plans.

As I have heard around the recovery community more than once:

If you want to make God laugh, tell God YOUR plans.

Then I had a moment of clarity. I can't walk that much without going VERY slowly. Have you ever tried to go slowly in New York? While leading 11 other people? Into subways and through Times Square?

Me neither, and this wasn't a time to start. Then I realized that there were some subtle but not positive changes happening. What if I am in the middle of the trip and the back really goes out? How would that feel? How would that help the mission? So I gritted my teeth and scheduled the surgery for tomorrow.

And stayed home as the crew left yesterday.

I know they don't need me to have a great experience. New York is the experience. Mission and service is the adventure. Not me. They know me. I have done my part. It was time to let go and let God do with them what God has had planned all along.

Having said all that, tomorrow is my surgery date. If all goes as planned- and as it did last time- I should be home by Wednesday afternoon. I probably won't be able to give you a report until Thursday, so I have a couple posts already to go for the next two days, at least. I am feeling good about the plans and grateful that my difficulties aren't getting in the way of the group who had worked so hard to go on this trip.

Talk to you again soon.

The First Fear

It has always been reported that the greatest fear people have is public speaking. Never having been cursed with that particular fear I had never thought much about what might be one of those basic primal fears. There are a number of possibilities of course...

1) Fear of being eaten alive by predators;
2) Fear of the dark;
3) Fear of death.

But Sunday morning my Pastor Wife preached on fear, which is an important subject since there are, allegedly, 366 instances of "Fear not!" in the Bible. It seems to be the single most important "command" from heavenly messengers of all types.

But then she went back to the first moment when a human being, facing the creator, was afraid. It goes back to the scene in the Garden after the encounter with the serpent and the apple. Adam hides when God comes roaming through the Garden. When God asks why Adam is afraid, Adam responds with all seeming innocence...

I was naked and therefore afraid.

Being naked.

If, as I believe, the Biblical record gives us a glimpse into the ancient human psyche and its very primitive if not primal responses, perhaps the fear of being seen naked is one of those first and foremost fears.

Being naked leaves us vulnerable. It leaves us unprotected and possibly even unprotectable. It leaves us open to all our humanity being displayed for all to see. Psychologically it is therefore a potentially disastrous possibility.

Perhaps the underlying symbolism is the very act of being born. And dying.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart." -Job 1:21 (NIV)

the very fact that Adam knows he is naked is important. He has now come into knowledge of good and evil. He knows he is naked. He knows that before the great and awesome God he is nothing. That is new. That is the loss of innocence and the beginning of fear.

So he hid.

Like all of us when faced with what we perceive as our shame. But it is not the shame- why would he feel that? It is the fear. It is perhaps the fear of punishment NOW KNOWING he has disobeyed. But beneath that and deeper than that he now knows he is vulnerable. There is a God and Adam isn't Him.

Maybe all the other fears branch from this basic human awareness of being ultimately vulnerable. Powerless. Maybe fear could have a different result if we stopped thinking we are in charge and allow life to be life. Sure, easier said than done, but it is worth a shot.

Defeating the Demons

I had my own "super bowl" win this past week along with my Packers.

I have had difficulty playing solos since, well, since I graduated from high school quite a few decades ago. I have continued to play trumpet all these years. I have played solos in church, duets with organ, that kind of thing. But I have seemed to have this innate ability to screw something up in the middle of it. A slurpped note, a few too many cracks in the sound, losing a beat or what have you.

Over the past year I have had several opportunities to solo in a song our Big Band does on a semi-regular basis. I play it well, hitting it right-on in rehearsals. But come the performance? Nope. It has happened three or four times. But, thanks to the group, they kept encouraging me.

Monday evening at our most recent gig I just laid back, kept it relaxed and got it right. For the first time in a long time I hit it- I was in the right groove and slid right through it.

After we were done, one of the other trumpet players, knowing my history with it, congratulated me. He then said,

You felt it instead of fearing it.

That sums it up. I know tensing up is not good. I know that in order to be "in the groove" you have to feel it, lean into it, let it take you as you go with it. Finally I was able to do it.

That is also a pretty good summation of how to deal with life as well. Feel it, lean into it, let it take you as you go with it. Anything else will only lead us into fear.

I Gotta Trust

Wonderful song; words that I need to hear more often than I care to admit....

Trust

In a newsletter from Explore Faith:

• May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be...
• May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you… 
• May you be content knowing you are a child of God…
• Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of you.

— Mother Teresa