Tuning Slide 5.10- Beyond Playing Music Together

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.
— Casey Stengel

DIY Musician is a website that posts resources and ideas for independent musicians. I came across a post there about one of the potentially most difficult aspects of musicians working together- it is musicians working together. While we trumpet players have a reputation for being difficult to work with due to supposedly large egos, the truth is that most musicians can have the same difficulty. All of us have strong understandings of who we are and what we can do. All of us want music to be seen as important to us. The better we get we also find we can be both more self-centered and more humble.

The self-centeredness comes from an awareness that we know what we are doing and are capable of doing it. It is actually an extension of self-confidence. We have to believe that we can do our music and do it well or we wouldn’t try. Then, when we work with other musicians as either paid or volunteer musicians, we expect the same level of openness and ethic with our colleagues. We don’t want to waste our time with those who may not have the level of commitment. We fear it could hurt our skills and decrease our ability to make the music we want to make. Hence, the ego shows up. I was once talking with a friend who is also a musician. We were discussing the reputation that church musicians are at times difficult to get along with. He looked at me and commented- “Practice more and get better, and you will understand! I practiced more, I got better, and I understand.

But the humility- ah, the humility. If we are honest with ourselves and others we will know both that we are better than we used to be- and most likely now even more aware of how far we still have to go. It takes time and effort to get there. And, if we are truly open to new ideas, it also means teamwork! Chris Robley on the DIY Musician site has tips about musical teamwork- the pillars of effective collaboration. He uses an example from his own story to illustrate how teamwork can and will build all levels of musicianship. He starts with the fact that when you are working on a project:

Time is your greatest resource.
Robley points out, “Athletes don’t just show up for the first game of the season. There’s months of practice (and sometimes pre-season games) beforehand.” In other words, know what you want and prepare for it before you even begin any teamwork. Finding people who have the talent and have been working toward this point is where to begin. But he also points out that talent and preparation have to:

Work with reliable people.
Yes, I have some pet peeves in this area, but I will be nice. Unfortunately, we may not always know who is more reliable until we are in the middle of a project. One aspect of reliability is that each person on a team needs to be willing to go beyond their comfort zone. This can be difficult in early team-building but it has to include expectations of the team members. What are the guiding principles and directions of the members? How do they fit together? How will you resolve concerns or differences? Reliability has to include all these things. Sometimes it is more structured than others, but a team needs to work through these.

A team, though, is more than talent and reliability. Robley calls it:

Get over yourself and take chances.
If we and our team always play it safe, we will never grow. Teams need to be growing. A musical team is no different.

Delegate- share tasks and responsibilities.
Let people use what they are good at beyond their musical talent. Groups need other things, find out what each team member can do- and let them do it. This means that there will be a leader or leaders who do their thing, but teamwork means sharing the work. Robley also points out that “it’s easier to make suggestions and collaborate when it’s clear who’s in charge of what, and who gets the final word.”

Celebrate your successes and debrief your concerns.
None of this is as easy as any set of guidelines can make it seem. Any group, but perhaps especially a musical team, has a lot of ups and downs. On any given day any one of the team could have one of those days we don’t like to think about. I arrived one Sunday morning where our quintet was playing and began to realize I was getting sick. Aches, pains, a cough, and a sore throat built rather quickly through our warm-up/rehearsal. I was far from where I wanted to be in my playing that morning. Sure, it worked, but it could have been a great deal better. I knew that I had the support of my group which helped me. That can happen to any group.

Fortunately, if all these are worked on and built upon, the celebrations will be far more common than the concerns. Make sure you celebrate in some way, even if it’s just sharing the warm glow of a project, job, or performance well done. The joy and wonder of working together with others will often keep us going through the downtimes or until we get a chance to do it again!

For me, the working team or musical group reinforces what I started with above, namely the growing self-confidence and the humble joy of people working together to make music!

How could you have a soccer team if all were goalkeepers? How would it be an orchestra if all were French horns?
— Desmond Tutu

A Brief Thought on Longevity

As yesterday's post indicated, my wife and I have been married 44 years. Quite an accomplishment, although there are many who manage that.

In any case, we were sitting reminiscing yesterday. We started with the normal stuff like Richard Nixon was President and Roberta Flack's single, "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," was number 1 on the Billboard charts. We then talked about the fact that for many years we actually worked together at the same job. We were co-pastors from 1989 - 2003. Before that she was involved in the church life as a pastor's wife- and then for most of the time from 2005-2012 with me as the pastor's husband.

We spent a lot of time together. At work, at play, at rest.

Over the years many friends have commented that they could not have done that with their spouse. Working together like that would have driven them crazy.

My response is a deep gratitude that for all these years I have been able to work, day-in and day-out with my best friend. We like being together.

For us, at least, that is one of the secrets of 44 years.

The Tuning Slide - Watching With Wow! and Insight

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Last week I talked about the  "Wow!" factor and how it is  important not to fall prey to it in the sense of being overwhelmed and not getting intimidated by the music (or other things.)  Well, this past week I came across a trumpet quintet video that blew me away. My first reaction was "Wow!" But as I kept watching I allowed the music to move me and my understanding to flow from it.

Here's the video. Take 7 1/2 minutes if you like to watch and then read on.

Oklahoma State (Division Winner) perform Toccata and Fugue in ...
Oklahoma State University win the Getzen Trumpet Small Trumpet Ensemble Division with “Toccata and Fugue in D minor (Bach)” at the 2015 National Trumpet Competition.Video - Michael Cano
Posted by Auckland City Brass Band on Thursday, September 24, 2015

My first thoughts- any brass group doing a decent job on a Bach transcription deserves the "Wow!" The music of J S Bach is always spectacular and moving. Bach touches so many sides of the human experience that one must allow the music to live on its own. Math and magic and amazingly well-constructed phrases make Bach untouchable. His "Toccata and Fugue" ranks among his greatest works. The toccata shows the "improvisational" touch and the fugue the polyphonic structures. Originally written for organ, a brass transcription has to take certain liberties. Any group wanting to perform it has to know the music and their place in it.

So what was it about this group that caught my attention and my "Wow!"

First, they just start out with such confidence. The opening phrase sings and in so doing lifted me up into the music from the word go. "Now that we have your attention...."

That took poise and confidence. So second I was aware that this group was comfortable with itself and its musicianship. They are performing at a competition, so they have worked hard to get to this point, but they don't appear in the least bit nervous. They are there and want you to listen to them. They like what they are about to do- and they want you to enjoy it, too. They also trust each other that the other people will do what they are supposed to do.

As they play, I noticed, third, that they are aware of each other no matter what is going on. Even when the one moves around to the opposite end the whole group is involved. Their body language throughout let me know that they were playing as a unit. More than a team, the unit moves together with all parts moving smoothly.

Fourth, and I know this may be part of watching on a computer monitor, at times it is difficult to separate which player is playing at any given time. That is part of the movement I mentioned above. But it goes beyond that into the smooth transitions from each musical phrase to the next. The handing-off of the melody is seamless.

 Next, fifth, when they are having to move around, change instruments, adjust the tuning, they do so with class. Part of that is the awareness of each other, but it is also, I think, that they are aware that even when they are not playing, what they do is part of the music. That is an often overlooked aspect of a public performance. Yes, people are there to listen to the music, but the performers can do things onstage that detract from that. These musicians are very aware of that and work very clearly to keep it to a minimum.

Everything else falls into place for me as I notice these aspects. It allows me to revel in the wonderful sound they present, the fine technique that is always evident, the deep knowledge of the music itself since they are not using music.  The entertainment value of the music is enhanced. The success of the group is in their relationship with each other and the music.

Instead of just going "Wow!" I found some things for myself, none of which is profound in and of itself. We all know about working together with others as "teams" and "units." We are all aware that we need to be sensitive to those around us and their part in what we are doing together. We agree that if we do not feel comfortable or competent with what we are doing, we will not succeed.

I may never play the Toccata and Fugue in a trumpet or brass quintet, but the inspiration of this performance will have an impact on what I do play- and beyond that- to how I interact with people every day.

Curing Boxes and Baggage

At first read, this is a heavy and complex piece of writing from artist Anne Truitt. Take a moment and ponder it.

Unless we are very, very careful, we doom each other by holding onto images of one another based on preconceptions that are in turn based on indifference to what is other than ourselves. This indifference can be, in its extreme, a form of murder and seems to me a rather common phenomenon. We claim autonomy for ourselves and forget that in so doing we can fall into the tyranny of defining other people as we would like them to be. By focusing on what we choose to acknowledge in them, we impose an insidious control on them. I notice that I have to pay careful attention in order to listen to others with an openness that allows them to be as they are, or as they think themselves to be. The shutters of my mind habitually flip open and click shut, and these little snaps form into patterns I arrange for myself. The opposite of this inattention is love, is the honoring of others in a way that grants them the grace of their own autonomy and allows mutual discovery.
--Brain Pickings

Here's the title of the piece on Brain Pickings that includes this phrase:

Compassion, Humility, and How to Cure Our Chronic Self-Righteousness

That leads me to see something very important in the passage that could easily be missed. It is about how each one of us can overcome the tendency to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to think, a tendency caused by an unwillingness to let go of the past and all the imperfect insights, self-centered interpretations, and putting other people into boxes that limit them while allowing us to be "different from" them.

Okay, that too is more complex than it has to be.

Each of us can tend to maintain our feelings about ourselves by not allowing others to grow and change. We hold on to the old ideas and keep our view of them based on the past.

Last weekend I visited a close high school friend that I haven't been with in person for nearly 45 years. While we have been friends on Facebook for several years, I am sure the images we had of each other were more than colored by our high school relationship. Most likely they were almost totally defined by that 50-year old experience.

We spent the weekend "catching up." It was a combination of reminiscing and letting each other know how we each became the people we are today over these last 50 years. By the end of the weekend the past was more truly the past. I can no longer see him through the eyes of an 18-year old looking at another 18-year old. Neither of us is the person we were then (Thanks be to God, at least as far as my life is concerned!)

Those old images that Truitt mentions above truly do doom us. They doom us to miss the great wonders of growing and changing as well as having the new experiences that keep us stuck in what we like to call "the good, old days," which they were not. They simply were.

This seems to be a time for me to make some of these old connections into new experiences. Tomorrow I will be preaching at the church I served from 1977 - 1984. I have not been there in 30 years. Many people are gone who were part of the church then. The "young people" are no longer young and their children are no longer the age of children. I will be an interesting experience to see the church and my experiences there from a new perspective.

Truitt called this other way of handling the past love. It is the opposite of the inattention that keeps stereotypes, old memories, and our own baggage from stunting our growth and relationships. We are far deeper, wider, and richer than the boxes we put ourselves and others in. I am looking forward to seeing what that means at the church and for me.

Last weekend helped set the tone for me to be able to do that.

The Tuning Slide- The Mind of a Child

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

The greatest invention in the world is

the mind of a child.

-Thomas Edison

Watch a child discover something new. They will explore every bit of it. They will turn it over, touch it, play with it, even put it in their mouth if we let them. Watch a child watching and you will see wonder expressed. Watch a child thinking and you will see wheels turning that we have long forgotten in our rush to adulthood. Life is always challenging, wonderful, strange, new, scary, hopeful, eternal.

Watch a musician learning a new song, attacking a difficult passage, playing a solo and nailing it. You will often see that same wonder being expressed. That sound, that passage, that solo has never been played like that before- and the musician knows it. To come to the music- and life in that way allows for the possibilities and surprises that result in awe and joy.

Just like kids.

I posed the question of having the mind of a child to the group from the Trumpet Workshop. (I hope to keep this going as a way of adding broader insights to the posts.)

Brandyn described it to me:

Kids don't think they just do. When I play and sound my best I'm not thinking about anything except the music. I literally just sing it in my head at times and it’s amazing. Just gotta keep the mind of a child and go for the music!

Cody said:

that when "Having the Mind of a Child" you don't let your ego interfere with the learning process. For example, in "The Inner Game of Tennis", Timothy Gallwey uses the example of the when a child learns to walk. When they fall, they don't get down on themselves.

It's a shame that we lose the mind of a child when we grow up. Not that we should continue to be immature or illogical, but that we should be ready and willing to let the creative juices of childhood flow. We should be ready and willing to kick back and let the moment happen.

Sometimes the best answer is the simplest that doesn't take a lot of complex interpretations. Sometimes it is just letting our lives become the lives they already are and not worry about what that might look like. It is in the trying that we achieve our first successes and not judging the goodness or badness of what we have done. Like Cody said- keep the ego out of it.

It works when learning to play music. It works when learning to live life.

If it works, why stop?

The Tuning Slide Blog- Introduction

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

“Writing about music is like dancing about architecture - 

it's really a stupid thing to want to do.” 

― Elvis Costello 

So why do this? I’ll start back in June when I first went to a Shell Lake Arts Center Workshop on Big Bands. I was inspired and motivated. I have been a trumpet player since 1961 to greater and lesser degrees, but always still playing. As part of the workshop we had a Master Class for the trumpets. Bob Baca, the leader, did one small thing on playing trumpet. I was blown away. My playing changed almost immediately.

That’s part one.

Part two was the first week of August when I went back to Shell Lake for the Trumpet Camp Workshop. Unlike the Big Band weekend, this was for all ages, although most were high school and first year college students. This was even more exciting and motivating, led also by Bob Baca and a faculty of diverse trumpet players. They were a class act that saw trumpet playing as more than just the techniques, but included the motivational, psychological, and social insights about success.

Again, I was challenged and blown away. This time my embouchure (lip) was in good shape and I was able to play longer and in better tone than in June. I also discovered again the real joy of being in a place where music ruled. One of the other “adult” students commented that it was great to be around a large group of “trumpet nerds.”

The faculty gave us lessons, challenges, and opportunities to play. The showed us how to practice and shared their many stories and experiences with us. On the last morning we all sat in the rehearsal hall and were asked to share what we remembered from the week. Since most of us only remember things for about three days without reinforcement, this was an important part of the “taking it home” process. Most of what was remembered were the ideas and thoughts that motivated us.

As I took notes I thought, “This would make a great blog series!” Next I decided that it needed more than just my usual Wanderings of a PostModern Pilgrim blog. It needed a blog of its own, even if I cross-post on both. Since much of what we learned and experienced is more than applicable to the ways we live each day I knew that it would also be a reflection on how music and our experiences at the workshop made a difference in the rest of the year. So why not do a weekly post that keeps the ideas and motivation going for the 48 weeks left until the next camp?

Which brings me to the title: The Tuning Slide. On a trumpet, that’s the curved “C”-shaped tube at the opposite end of the lead pipe from the mouthpiece. (To the right in the trumpet above.) The slide is to be used to bring the trumpet into tune with the other instruments.

When you are in tune

• The music flows much more smoothly. 
• You tend to get into sync with the other musicians. 
• You don’t get as tired while playing since you are not constantly trying to “lip” the notes into tune. 

In short, the tuning slide keeps us moving more smoothly in the right direction. That is what I hope comes from this blog and these blog posts- ways that even non-trumpet players and non-musicians can discover how to keep life more "in tune."

Each Wednesday I will post on an idea from the camp, share some thoughts about it, apply it to life, all inspired with some quotes about music and life from both musicians and non-musicians.

I may post other ideas, videos,resources and the like on other days of the week, but the main post will be on Wednesday.

So join with me and the faculty and students from the trumpet camp of August 2015. There are some neat things to share and hopefully you will find yourself staying in tune to yourself and others around you.

More Distance of Miles

I have obviously been thinking a great deal about the legacy of Miles Davis this past few weeks. I read his autobiography and have been digging into the making of his seminal album, Kind of Blue. He died in 1991 after making more innovations in jazz music than anyone except maybe Louis Armstrong. Even Ellington did not go as far as Davis went in changing the music. His influence on jazz (and hence American music) in the 2nd half of the 20th Century is beyond description.

Underneath all the change and innovations and legacy lie several pieces that are of interest as well. The first is his up and down wrestling with addiction. He was a heroin addict, used cocaine and pain pills for many years, even long after kicking heroin. He had alcohol problems but they were pale in comparison to the broader addiction issues. He was not alone in the heroin habit, of course. It was epidemic in the jazz world he inhabited. He fought it; he was clean and then he would do the things that addicts often do, believe they could handle it. So he would keep on drinking or using cocaine, "socially" of course. It never worked as he would spiral backwards.

Perhaps it is amazing that he managed to accomplish as much as he did. Unlike many of the others so hooked, he did not die young. He lived out his potential, although I wonder what it might have been like if he had managed to completely kick the addictions? He never said that his drugs helped him be creative. He was not stupid; he was an addict in a time and place that did not understand the disease and its ability to control the brain. I began working toward my addiction counseling license the year Davis died and we knew next to nothing compared to what we know today.

The second part of Davis' compulsive side was his inability to maintain healthy relations with women. He was not monogamous and probably never even tried. He kept looking for something that he was unable to experience, love and stability. Some of that was his endless curiosity and creativity that encompassed everything. He was guided, even imprisoned by his sexual needs and searching. This, we know today, as having the same roots as addiction. The process of the human brain is biochemical, regulated- and dysregulated- by neurochemicals that carry everything from memories to pleasure, fear to ecstasy. Davis' relationships were almost as controlling of his life as his addictions. He admits that his use of drugs did get in the way of his sexual drive. Not a surprise.

This side did not have the kind of periodic impact on his creativity that addiction did. Addiction is powerful, overwhelming, and ultimately in complete control. That did prevent him at times from performing to the level he could have.

In that way, Davis' story is a cautionary tale. There are those who, in spite of incredible personal dysfunction, can change the world. (Steve Jobs' narcissistic, even anti-social personality comes to mind.) As I have been reading these different accounts of his music and accomplishments I have at times been in awe of what he was able to do. He was a genius who heard what he wanted in his head and moved with it. He was able to pick out people who would work within the framework he dreamed of. He turned many of them into music leaders in their own right.

I was also deeply saddened by many aspects of his story. Some of it- perhaps even most of it- was beyond his control. That's the old idea of powerlessness found in the recovery community. He was unable to ever see that. But that was also why he was as creative and innovative as he was. He refused to be told that something wasn't possible- that it was beyond his ability or control.

The paradox of a person like Miles Davis, then, is that tension that for many a lesser person will drive them into an early grave. He was who he was and for that the world has been given insights and music that the lesser person would never have been able to give.

You Read When You Are Open and Ready

Several years ago I bought and started to read a book by bassist extraordinaire Victor Wooten. Called simply The Music Lesson, Wooten tells a magic realism story of a strange music teacher who shows up in his life one day. I never got past chapter 2. Not because I wasn't interested- the book intrigued me- but because I now know I wasn't ready to hear the teacher on its pages. Last week I picked it off the shelf and started over.

Talk about getting blown away. When the student is ready, the teacher appears; when the mind is open, the book jumps off the shelf. I realized as I worked through the book that I needed to be more involved in making music before the book would make even greater sense to me. So, in the past 4 years I have been playing my trumpet a lot. I play in two bands- a Big Band and a community concert band- and a brass quintet. I have gone farther in my musicianship in the past 4 years than I would have believed possible. I still have a long way to go. I now see that what Victor and his teacher, Michael, have to share is where I am heading.

From the book's website:

THE STORY

The Music Lesson chronicles the story of a young bass player desperately in need of improving. He awakens one day to find a strange man in his house. This man tells the young bass player that he is his teacher. "Teacher of what?" the student asks. "Nothing," the strange man replies. This is the start of an interesting and entertaining journey.

After choosing Music as a subject, the two musicians start on an expedition that opens the student's eyes, mind, and body to things he never before dreamed of. He quickly realizes that he is learning much more than Music. He learns, along that way, that as well as helping himself, he is actually helping his Life and the Life of Music in the process.

Michael and the student decide on ten areas of Music to look at and explore from a completely unusual and unorthodox point of view. The starting point is simple and profound- as most simple things are.

Music is a language and we learn language as babies by "jamming" with professionals at it- our parents. Yet we don't do that with music. With music we go to lessons with other amateurs like us. We do rote exercises. We don't feel good when we make mistakes. Wooten has a TED Ed talk on this. It's short and worth the listen.

As I read on in the book, I discovered that a synchronicity was occurring with several things going on in my life right now. Michael is teaching mindfulness and meditation, awareness and acceptance, meaning and celebration and gratitude- in other words the themes I have been studying and experiencing in the Attention and Interpretation Therapy course I am involved in with Dr. Amit Sood of the Mayo Clinic. I have also been working on developing a deeper mindfulness and meditation group for work including Tai Chi and Yoga. In addition I have been working through a book on Improvisation for the Spirit. All of these, and a few other thoughts in the past 5 months or so, meant I was ripe for what the book has to say.

In other words, I am ready to make a change in my music, excuse me- Music Life. It means I am going to have to listen and feel differently when I am working with Music. I can no longer just "play" music. I have discovered some things about being in the "groove" and dynamics, articulation, and listening to the rests. I have learned that zero is not nothing, but gives shape to the Music. I have to be involved with it. But I am not to work hard at it. I am to work easy at it.

Music is also about relationships- not just of the different parts, but the notes and rests with each other. It has to do with the relationship of emotions and thoughts. It is about the relationship of the people in the group with the people listening. It is even about the greater relationship with Music and Life and the world I live in.

Fortunately- I know the language, I can "read" it. I have listened to it and experienced in thousands of ways over the past 65 years. I have even "jammed" by singing along with some of the greats in the privacy of my car. I am now, finally, learning to speak it, to jam with it more fully, and to listen to the silence and emotions.

I have already been having a great time playing music over these past 4-5 years with these different groups. Now I am going to be part of the conversation, instead of just one of the voices and helping make and share Music.

You know what- I have absolutely no idea what any of that means. But I am looking forward to being there when it happens. I will keep you posted.

The Key to Life and Power

If we are to become mindful of ourselves and each other, we have to give up some of our defensiveness, let down some of our barriers, become vulnerable. Brené Brown's TED talks have been a huge sensation. Rightly so. She has challenged us to that vulnerability. It is the key to our lives.

Owning our story can be hard
but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.

Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky
but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on

• love and
• belonging and
• joy—

the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
― Brené Brown

In my meditation and mindfulness I must come face to face with that part of me that is vulnerable. I have to look within and see that when I love, I am taking a risk not to be loved back or to be disappointed. When I look for relationships, I find that I may be rejected and not belong where I thought I belong. It is in sharing this basic human condition that I will become fully who I can be.

To be other than mindful or accepting of it is to deny the many possibilities of life.


Vulnerability Video Link
Shame Video Link

To Start on Relationships

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.
--Thich Nhat Hanh

Give that gift to those around you today.

Share it in your prayer and meditation.

Send silent blessings to those you meet.

Be a living gift to all today.

What a Strange Concept!

The ongoing debate over gay marriage has certainly hit a new level of discussion. I was listening to the public radio program On Being last evening and caught part of the discussion on the issue. Two things hit me.

First, in the discussion by a person formerly opposed to gay marriage, he made the point that here are these individuals who want IN to an institution that many mainstream Americans seem to want OUT of. And it is the institution that the anti-gay marriage people are trying to protect. What this amounts to, I realized as he talked, is a major cognitive dissonance when what we see and say and believe and want all come into some form of disagreement.

In essence he said that he realized that all the anti-gay marriage talk hadn't done anything to strengthen the institution. Marriage is in trouble, he implied, in spite of all the support it is supposedly getting. Why then are people trying to prevent those who WANT to get married from getting married?

Sidenote: I have been hearing how marriage is in such trouble for as long as I've been married (41 years). Maybe we are just better informed about it. Maybe more people feel free to leave truly bad marriages. Maybe we just are more willing to look around and see that the old institution of marriage was broken and we are in a time of moving it into a new way. I don't know, but it is not a new problem in 2013.

In that may well be the seeds of the change that has been occurring over the last few years. It is a massive change which, as the pundits have been telling us, is an almost unprecedented change in a short time. How does not allowing someone to get married keep marriage safe? So goes strange concept #1.

Second was the idea that most of the time when we are discussing this issue, we are leaving out one small factor. What is at the heart of marriage? What is it all about? Children? Commitment? Societal institutions under fire? Religion?

Nope.

In the end it is about love.

Whatever that means for the individuals, love is the underpinning of marriage. It is the force that brings two people together. And as it grows, it is the glue that surrounds the couple and keeps them going when the original love (or infatuation) begins to wear off. Love goes deeper and forms newer bonds within the relationship.

Love.

What another strange concept. The more we argue about the rights and wrongs of marriage (gay or straight) the more we lose sight of love. And the more we need to be reminded of it and how, in our current situation the government denies the right of love to be officially recognized in a rite of love.

May this strange concept of love not be denied. May it be allowed to blossom and bloom.

True Strength

Management guru Seth Godin has a way of bringing it down to the basics. Here is his list that he simply titles:

Demonstrating Strength

• Apologize
• Defer to others
• Avoid shortcuts
• Tell the truth
• Offer kindness
• Seek alliances
• Volunteer to take the short straw
• Choose the long-term, sacrificing the short
• Demonstrate respect to all, not just the obviously strong
• Share credit and be public in your gratitude
• Risking the appearance of weakness takes strength.

And I assure you, this is not just for business. It is a great way to develop a healthy, caring personal life with hopeful relationships across the board.

HighTech Touch

I saw an item on the news the other night about the increase of young children with cell phones. One of the parents commented that they want the phone for their child so they can stay in touch. We have reached an interesting time when we want and expect to be able to have instant connections with whoever we want to be in touch with. It is hard to go anyplace where there aren't people on cell phones, answering cell phones, dialing on cell phones, texting on cell phones.

Back in 1982 just as the possibility of computers and the household use of high tech was beginning to be a possibility, John Naisbitt wrote a book called Megatrends. In it he proposed that as we become more and more high tech we are going to need more and more high touch in our lives. The "coldness" of high tech would push us into that need of the personal and the warmth of relationships.

Keeping connections is what cell phones have become about. We are hungry for relationships. Or more to the point, we are created, I am sure, to be in relationship with others. We are not meant to be lone creatures. We live and react in community. But the overwhelming high tech around us can make us feel disconnected. Hence the popularity of cell phones, even to the point of people giving up land lines.

But every now and then I run into someone who will still say, "But I don't want to be that available all the time." No one says you have to answer the phone every time in rings. But you can answer the phone when you want to talk to someone.

Several years ago, when my daughter went to Spain to stay for a school year, the most difficult part for me was those hours she was on the plane heading there. She was out of touch with us for the first time in her life. Completely out of touch. As soon as she landed, she called us to let us know she was safe. Today we take that ability to touch for granted. Thirty-eight years ago I went to Europe for the summer. My aunt- my guardian- had no idea I arrived safely until she got a post card from me a week to 10 days later.

Yes, our high-tech world has given us the need for high touch. And much to our surprise it is the very technology that gave us the need that can also help provide it.

Auld Acquaintances

It was written by Robert Burns, a Scottish poet in the 18th Century although according to Wikipedia there are older, similar poems. We sing it and cry or get shivers or stare off into a New Year's Eve stupor or turn and kiss the one we love. It is arguably one of the more common English-language customs.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

Refrain:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.

Auld acquaintances. There are many as we grow older. We all lost some this past year. We will lose more next year. Sometimes it is from death. But we lose many many acquaintances simply by moving on. We move, or change, or find new interests. The people we have been with in the past often do the same. It is one of those unbreakable laws of life- Things change, times change, people change.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot? But it is the memories of these auld acquaintances living within us that can often give our lives meaning and direction. We pile new on the old, we add refreshment to what we saw in the past. We turn toward new ideas and new ways of living and deepening relationships. We find ourselves in new places- many times because of these auld acquaintances. They give us courage if they have been empowering. They give us hope if they have been supportive. They give us wisdom if they have been challenging.

And days of auld lang syne.

The song's (Scots) title may be translated into English literally as 'old long since', or more idiomatically 'long long ago',or 'days gone by'. In his retelling of fairy tales in the Scots language, Matthew Fitt uses the phrase “In the days of auld lang syne” as the equivalent of “Once upon a time”.
--Wikipedia

Time moves on. Days of "long, long ago" or even our own personal "once upon a time" events fill us. As someone once said we really are the summation of all those we have met and all the experiences we have had and all the places we have been.

So tonight we will all stop in our own ways and remember, a secular-style memorial day- or better- day of memories. We will party because that's what we do. We feel like we are starting over. But we are not. We are taking what has been into a new year. Another year. We hope and pray it will be better than the last, and look forward to many things.

We- and our world- have made it through another year.

And that's a reason to stop and give thanks to God for what has happened- or ask for strength to continue to face what may yet occur in the year ahead. And make sure you thank those around you for the relationships you have been able to develop.

Enjoy!

Boasting of Weakness
When I went to the Daily Text for yesterday (July 31, 07), this passage is what came up:

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.
2 Corinthians 11:30 (NIV)

Well, I'm here to boast that I have a weakness. I am an older brother. And there sure are times when I like to act like that older brother in what is probably Jesus' second most famous parable- The Prodigal Son (after The Good Samaritan, of course. Hmmm. They both do say the same thing, don't they?)

Anyway, my older brother stuff doesn't come out toward my biologically younger brother. No one has killed a fatted calf for either of us for a long time since our parents died when we were still teenagers. But maybe there's something about being an older brother that makes one behave like one.

Actually, it may very well start because the older brother usually has more difficulty growing up. (No- younger brothers- I will not listen to your side of it. I AM the older brother here. Anyway, it's my blog!) Parents are afraid, over-protective, controlling. The younger brother gets more freedom (or takes it, I'm not sure which) because the parents made all those mistakes of control with the older one. The younger gets away with more things. (No, I don't want to hear about how the younger brother had to put up with that silly, self-righteous whining of the older brother.)

From there it may very well grow into a pattern. Anytime someone else who is seen as less faithful, less committed, less dedicated gets credit for something- well, it is so much easier to sit on the sideline and suck ones thumb and look sour. It makes other people feel so sorry for you. They take pity on you and give you hugs and support. (Usually, if they are older siblings, especially, do they understand. Others just tell you to grow up. Imagine that!)

Remember, I am boasting about this, just as Paul suggested. Look how great I am at being a long-suffering older brother. Look at how my life has been taken advantage of. Look at how others just don't understand. Look- there's the father even trying to make excuses for treating me that way. Life sucks.

Well, maybe that isn't what Paul had in mind.

Yes, life sucks when I get caught in my own pity party- and no one else wants to attend. That's lonely. Life sucks when I fall into my older brother humanity and want it my way- notice me- see me- love and support me.

But you have been loved and supported, is what I hear in return. Why do I waste what I have in order to feel sorry for what has happened and how someone else has gotten what I would have liked? Wait a minute, wastefulness? Isn't that what prodigal really means? I have been so blessed and cared for and even led through my own valleys as dark as the very shadow of death- and I haven't been abandoned.

Perhaps I can only boast that I am nothing more than a prodigal myself. Of course that means that there is also a fatted calf waiting for me- a celebration of my ongoing presence with all that has been given me. All I have to do it get my hands off my eyes, pretending I don't see, and reach out.

All I can boast of is the power and support of God. As for me, well, maybe I can't learn a little better how not to act like an older brother quite so often.

And to stop wasting my life, my time, and God's love on what I don't have.

Relationships Out in the Cold
Yesterday was the coldest April Easter in the Twin Cities in 57 years. In fact, it wasn't really any warmer than Christmas back in December when the average temperature for the day was 27.5. Yesterday's was 29.

And it was cold (19 degrees F.) out there in the cemetery as our brass band played and the sun rose over our little group of Moravians proclaiming that the grave cannot hold power any more. As I stood there keeping my hand from freezing to the trumpet I glanced around and thought about all the people in all the houses around the cemetery hearing us play. I wondered if they thought we were a little out of our minds. We looked so powerless and helpless there on the hill, wrapped in winter clothes while making music of spring and rebirth.

Yet we weren't powerless. Far from it. Our proclamation was one of power. The power of relationship. First the relationship that Jesus had with God that allowed him to be who he was- God incarnate. Second the relationship that we can have with him even though were are physically separated from him by two millennia but as present as if he were next to us. And the third relationship was the one we were enacting for any who wanted to see- the relationship of believers- brothers and sisters in Christ- who have learned that we need each other.

And Speaking of the Weather
At times I feel strange leading with or posting simply about the weather. I for one am a weather geek. I make no apologies for that. It keeps me off the streets.

Talking about the weather, in Seth Godin et. al.'s The Big Moo answered the question about why we talk so much about the weather and gave me the okay to talk about it. The writer of that chapter came to the realization that the weather is one of the few things that affects all of us. We all have our experiences with weather- and our own reactions to it. Perhaps, the writer said, "it isn't totally vacuous after all."

As he (or she) started talking about the weather to people he/she met they began to realize that talking about the weather became an effective bridge to shared experience or even deeper conversations. When you talk about the weather you open the possibilities to instant links to the world beyond oneself. Weather is everywhere. It is a good way to start relationships that can make a difference for you and them.

It is amazing how much the weather can bring us closer and raise our awareness of each other. It's one more way we can learn to pay attention.