I'm Back

Whoa! What a time it has been.

We are moved. And it wasn't a cake walk. I have found out that the older you get the more difficult things become. We didn't do the actual heavy-lifting. We did the packing (with help) and unpacking (also with help. Thanks Betsy and Karen!!!!)

But there is only so much energy in a mid-60-something body. And there are too many boxes, and incidentals and what we call "twizzles" that collect even AFTER all those trips to the trash, recycling, and second-hand store. They get crammed into a space with one less room and 250 less in square footage. I did manage to get the desk-top and Internet connected, but the lack of energy has been something to behold.

It is downright scary.

But we are here. We are working at decreasing the box count as well as the trash amount. Time will tell.

But I do sure feel older.

A Quote for Moving Day

Today is the day to move from one place to another across town, downsizing, an attempt at de-cluttering life. So here's a quote I found that struck me as appropriate for today.

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. 

Walt Disney

One Week to Go

We have one week until we move. I have been writing about the mental process I have been wrestling through cleaning, downsizing, recycling, throwing away. We had a friend come over and help do some packing the past few days because, as would be expected, other things have gotten in the way.

First, we were both sick with a nasty cold.

Then my wife's cold turns into pneumonia.

Finally, I trip over a packing box and smash my knee into the floor, precipitating a trip to the Emergency Room and a brace on my left knee.

To say this has slowed us down is to state the obvious. So we are more than simply grateful for friends! Things are looking better today with seven days until the move across town to a smaller town house. Downsized.

One of the interesting side effects of all this has been a feeling of comfort as things decreased in number. I was told a few weeks ago by another friend who went through this last year that there will be a sense of freedom set in as you let go of the weight of things. While there is still a sense of grief and loss over the changes, there IS also that feeling of letting go. There IS a response that we are not as burdened as we had been.

Yes, it is getting to the tough days when you feel like screaming, "Enough!" and then throwing it all in boxes and moving them. So far I have generally resisted that urge. I know if I do that some of the boxes would remain taped and forgotten for the next five years. So I will carry on.

Recycling: What Life is All About

We are stardust.
Billion year old carbon.
We are golden..
Caught in the devil's bargain
And we've got to get ourselves back to the garden.
-Joni Mitchell, Woodstock

It's you. It's me. It's that rock or water molecule.

Nothing is, that wasn't once stardust.

The very stuff of the universe.

Such a profound wandering and roaming by simply (?) cleaning out files and boxes.

Pounds and pounds of paper to be shredded.
Boxes and boxes to the used book store.
Bags and bags to the Salvation Army Resale Shop.
Junk and what once wasn't junk in the trash.

Recycling.... Life.

As I have pursued this vocation over the past month or so Joni Mitchel/CSNY's song came running around my thoughts.

Stardust - Carbon - recycling of life, the basic stuff of life, the building blocks of life-

taken and reused countless, infinite times over the millennia of millennia.

Pondering that has made the task a little easier. And actually a little more logical. What remains somewhat illogical is our human attempts to hold on to what's only temporary. Perhaps that is the Garden we need to get back to- a recognition of the temporary permanence of the stardust that has made us who we are.

Yes, it is hard. It requires quite a few mental jumps toward seeing this task as more rational and acceptable.

Ooops. There's that Recovery Word- Acceptance. I can fight it- and make it worse. Or I can accept the process and see how I fit into the eons-old pattern of recycling from stardust to stardust. Billion year old carbon remade anew into the things of today and whatever might come next.

I have so often seen this process ignored as people age- and fight against the dying. It doesn't work- and as I have said before- it becomes unfair to those who follow us. It doesn't make it easier, but as I work through this latest downsizing, I am learning more about me- and how I fit into the great scheme of things.

I am stardust,
I am billion-year old carbon
I am golden
I am caught in the devil's bargain
And I got to get back to the Garden.

Still Cleaning Out

As one gets more and more into cleaning out (downsizing) one wonders why one spent so much over the years on things that eventually are tossed on the trash heap.

Yes, but, many of those brought joy and entertainment.

They are often kept out of fear, stored and forgotten with some unconscious comfort that they are still there. It keeps abandonment at bay.

If you haven't used it in a year (or more!) why do you still have it?

The profound question.

Been Thinking A Lot About This

It has been on our minds for a while.

downsize:
reduce, cut down, cut back, trim, trim down, trim back, cut, bring down

It actually began years ago when we had to clean out my father-in-law's house after he died. It was not a huge house, but it was filled with lots of stuff. He wasn't a hoarder like on TV "reality" shows, but he did gather "stuff." At the time we talked about the issue and said we sure don't want to have our daughter go through with that.

picture from moving in 2007

We moved into an apartment a little less than 5 years ago and had our first experience of downsizing. At the time I said this on these virtual pages:

The apartment had ...the ability to "unburden" ourselves from some of the physical baggage we have been toting around. It actually feels good to think in those terms. It is time to help make life a little less cluttered. Why do we keep all those papers from seminary or college? What about those books that have some sentimental value but I know I will never read them again? (Jack Newfield's biography of Robert Kennedy for example. How old is that book anyway?)

We sort of unburdened but kept a lot (like that Jack Newfield book.) Lots of stuff went, but lots of stuff stayed in boxes in one closet or another. And then there's all those books on all those bookshelves.

Well, we are becoming more aware of it again. With my wife's retirement at the end of last year and my turning 64 next month, things like downsizing, uncluttering one's life, unburdening, all become reality tests. Which brings me face to face with my own style of hoarding, based loosely on an obsessive-compulsive soul, probably afraid of losing something important even though I haven't even been aware of its existence for at least 4 of the last 5 years.

I know, if you haven't used it in the past year (some say 6 months), get rid of it.

Easy for you to say.

But it also brings me face to face with aging, closures, moving on, leaving behind. Not easy topics.

I want to say to myself, "Just move on, will ya!" But it doesn't work. Or it hasn't yet. What if I get rid of that "treasured" memento from 1970? Will I even know it's gone? Will anyone even care? Will it mean that I have lost a connection with something or someone or someplace that I haven't had a connection with for 40 years anyway?

But this IS the time to seriously get on it and start doing it. No better time than the present I have always been told. I have my health and strength and time. Don't put it off, it will only get worse.

So I need to go to get ideas from places like Fly Lady's page. And right there she says this that gets my attention:

Clutter has been our security blanket for a very long time. It protected us from people, hard times and having to face ourselves....

If you are having anxiety attacks about releasing some of this clutter in your home; stop and think about what you are afraid of.

1. Is it the security of have 3 of an item, in case one breaks?
2. How about the memories that the item evokes when you see it?
3. And there is always the “Aunt Mary gave us this when we married.”
4. I spent a lot of money on this. I can’t possibly give it away.
5. Oh, I can fix this, but it has been in the basement for 15 years waiting to be fixed.

I want you to think about these reasons and look deep into the heart of them.
--flylady.net

I get the picture, big and little. Now all I have to do is, well, just do it.

Wish me luck.

Where to Start... Oh, Where to Start

It is now 8 1/2 months since we moved. We did a considerable amount of downsizing (throwing and giving away) at the time. It was painful and grief inducing but we were moving from a house into an apartment. We knew we wanted to do this since we have been through cleaning out homes in the past when an aging parent died. So we really do want to make life easier on ourselves as well.

That, as it turns out was the easy part.

There are still wall-hangings sitting on the floor. There are still boxes and boxes in my computer room. At a quick count there are probably 30 of various sizes sitting around the edge of the room and in the closet. They fill the closet.

What is in them? Well many contain pictures. And more pictures. Thousands of pictures.

Others contain slides. Thousands and thousands of slides.

Then there are still boxes of books that we didn't get rid of and don't have shelf room for.

And we can't forget boxes and boxes of cassette tapes. Yes, cassette tapes. That have not been listened to since at least Bill Clinton's presidency since we don't have a car with a cassette player or one in the house that we ever use.

CDs? Of course. The empty boxes from the ones that are in the travel cases. And the full ones that don't fit on the shelves. Which I never listen to since many of my CDs have been put on iTunes/iPod- but the CDs are still there. Of course.

I go on and on. I sit in the room and stare at the computer screen so I don't have to turn around and look at the boxes.

Or the papers and files.

I turn around, feel overwhelmed and head to the coffee shop.

We got into a discussion about it just yesterday. Mostly about my room but also about some of the other "treasures" that we just were not able to get rid of, including books and CDs that are on the shelves. Our daughter says she is ruthless about keeping things. But she has always lived in an apartment. By the time we were her age we had begun accumulating in our first parsonage. A big old farm house.

Well, over the next couple months we have to do something. I don't have enough time left in my lifetime to scan all the pictures that I might want to keep. And the slides... Israel, nature, Austria and Germany (in 1970!) They are almost 40 years of life.

I saw an article in the paper about a service that will scan pictures, a thousand of them, for a reasonable rate. But I still have to go through and pick out which thousand I want. But at least I am thinking about it.

Downsizing is harder than it looks. Any ideas? Let me know.

Talk About Down-sizing

Came across this in Time magazine and now found it online. It is a movement sweeping the nation (or sweeping out the closets):

Excess consumption is practically an American religion. But as anyone with a filled-to-the-gills closet knows, the things we accumulate can become oppressive. With all this stuff piling up and never quite getting put away, we're no longer huddled masses yearning to breathe free; we're huddled masses yearning to free up space on a countertop. Which is why people are so intrigued by the 100 Thing Challenge, a grass-roots movement in which otherwise seemingly normal folks are pledging to whittle down their possessions to a mere 100 items.

The idea comes from Dave Bruno. He has a blog and keeps people posted. More from the Time article:

Bruno keeps a running tally on his blog, guynameddave.com of what he has decided to hold on to and what he is preparing to sell or donate. For instance, as of early June, he was down to five dress shirts and one necktie but uncertain about parting with one of his three pairs of jeans. "Are two pairs of jeans enough?!," he asked in a recent posting.

Well, as one who has been in the process of trying to down-size from a house to an apartment since mid-November I can say even moving to 1000 things is hard enough. (No, I haven't counted. It's a metaphor, or some literary thing or another.) I am impressed with anyone who tries to go to the 100 items. Of course the way I think, I would say that my book collection is one item; by CD collection one item, etc.

That's not cheating, is it?

More some other time. But it is an interesting challenge.

Blank

Well, actually overfull. My mind has gone beyond its capacity to take in any more information or to truly process even some of the most basic of ideas. The two days of orientation sessions are over. Now orientation begins back at my work site. That will mean following people, sitting in groups, trying to remember names. I looked at the list of co-workers in my area and only saw letters in some semblance of names. I need to rest and take it from the top tomorrow.

I started the day early. Any of you who have known me will know that I am not a morning person. Never have been for any great period of time. But I got up early and arrived an hour early at the session this morning in order to sign-up for a fitness center membership. Yes, me. Even old dogs can find new tricks to try.


But the worst part was another round of snow!

And waiting for my ride home in the midst of it.

Or more to the point watching all the slowness of a rush-hour snow storm.

But such is life in Minnesota in December!

Starting Up All Over Again

Boxes.

Boxes.

More boxes.

All over the place.

Aaargh.

I slept late today. Till 11:30. I was just plain exhausted. And stiff.

Finally got to the apartment and felt overwhelmed. We did manage to get the bedroom set up and that's about it. More sorting. More downsizing needed.

One thing I am grateful for in all of this is the 10 months of exercising I have been doing and the 14 pounds of weight I have lost. I can't begin to imagine how I would be feeling if I were not in some sort of better physical shape. I would have been in agony a year ago if I had tried to be doing what we have done the past several weeks.

One more night in the motel to give us a chance to get a little more done tomorrow before I have to head up to the Cities for a previous commitment. That will keep me out from noon until about 11:30 p.m. probably. We do have a friend coming tomorrow evening to help until Saturday afternoon. What a blessing friends are.

Tomorrow morning I have to be up and around before 8:00 since the TV people are to be there sometime between then and 10:00 to hook up or service. Phone and internet was hooked up today. By Friday night we should have most of the amenities of modern life available again.

What an interesting experience. Downsizing. Moving. Aging. Changing jobs. And no, I haven't found my keys. Oh well.

Loaded Up and Gone South

We have made it this far. Sunday I spent going through boxes and boxes of books that we have gathered over 30-some years in parish ministry. It was somewhere around 30-35 boxes of ministry and church related books. Yes, 30. I would guess that this was well around half a ton of books! They sure brought back loads of memories. Many reminded me of situations and places and people. Twenty-seven of the boxes have now been donated to Books for Africa. We are both excited that these books will now be in the hands of people who are hungry to read!
Then I went up the hill to my home away from home- the local Caribou Coffee Shop that I used as a place to sit and work and read most Saturday and Sunday evenings for the past three years. None of the regular workers were there for me to say good-bye to.

Then yesterday the movers came to pack us. What an experience. It was like this tornado of packers and boxes and packing paper running through the house. Meanwhile we were finishing packing some stuff, moving other stuff aside so it didn't get packed and moved, trying to stay out of the way. They really were something to watch. Next we double-checked and got a special trash pickup for this:


Makes you wonder why you hang on to stuff for so long when in the end it just gets thrown away. When I paused to think about all the money we spent on stuff and books, well, it is beyond comprehension so I just stopped thinking about it.


I did manage to get away to take the books in the car to Books for Africa:


By the time I got back the crew was quitting. They had the truck half loaded and just about everything off the main floor of the house. They planned a quick finish of loading on Tuesday and then heading south and unloading before the end of the day.

Fortunately Sunday and Monday were remarkably beautiful warm (Minnesota November-type warm) and sunny. It made that part of it a lot easier.

The movers arrived today at 8 with the temperature now dropped to 3 degrees (F). Brrrr. They managed to get out of the house by 10:30 and headed south with Val just ahead of them. I stayed behind to have lunch with a friend and to do some cleaning. About 11:45 I went to leave, reached to my belt loop for my caribiner and keys....

and they were gone.

I searched everywhere. Up, down, around, etc. The last time I had them was about an hour and a quarter earlier when I moved the car to the driveway. I walked through the yard, out into the street. Nowhere. Val didn't have an extra set- and she needed to be at the apartment a hundred miles away for the rest of the afternoon.

Then I noticed a key that we hadn't known which car it was to. Why not? I said to myself. We had been ready to toss it but for some reason (?) had left it sit on the kitchen counter. It worked. It was the extra, extra key.

I eventually got to our new home and we were both exhausted. We are at a motel tonight, all our belongings are in the apartment. We are not sure there's room for us. Wow! What a lot of boxes. Maybe I can get some pictures tomorrow before the unpacking begins.

But for tonight- that's all!! We have made it. There's work ahead, to be sure, but we are here. Hopefully we will find my keys in one of the cars on the floor or dropped into a box at the last minute after the movers left.

But that is for another day. And we don't plan on waking up early tomorrow. There will be plenty of time for that when I start back to work next week.

Welcomed By the Eagle

Over the years I have always been impressed and inspired by the American Bald Eagle. This is not because of its American-patriotic iconography but because of its incredible majesty as an animal. To see an eagle in the wild was for many years a rare and awesome sight. Fortunately it is no longer as rare- but it is still just as awesome. Whether watching them soar effortlessly or sitting majestically on a tree branch the Bald Eagle is nothing short of a spiritual experience.

I have also understood from American Indian spirituality that we all have our "animal" as our spiritual or soul guide. Mine has always been the Eagle. I have always just known that. Intuitively. To see one in the wild has become a message, a reminder, that all is well and that all is just as it is supposed to be.

Well, last week I had to travel to our new home and stop by the apartment building where we will be living and drop off some papers. As I pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car I looked across the adjacent lake. There in the leafless tree, sitting and looking in my direction not 200 yards away was a Bald Eagle. I am told that they have a nest there and can be seen often. Which also happens to be the direction our apartment faces out our balcony.

It was one of those moments. I sensed that it was a welcoming home- to our new home. This is the place where we are supposed to be. It is right- and it is time.

That's one of those special things that the "spiritual" brings to us- the awareness that the ways of the world- and of God- are just the way they're supposed to be. No matter what any one of us may think, want, or think we want, the ways of the spiritual life are openings for a different way. We make decisions, like the decision to move, and pray we have done the right thing. When we are in touch with spirituality in our lives, the "right thing" will be intuitive- and affirmed.

I am looking forward to living across the lake from the Eagle. I will, of course, try to get pictures of him because that's one of the things I do to hold the memory. I don't try to capture it on film, I try to take an image- an icon, if you will- that can be a reminder and a window to greater awareness and peace.