In the Face of Death: More Light. More Life.

Another day of death. This one a sabbath.

Eleven people are dead at a synagogue in Pittsburgh,
killed in a crime of hate.

This but a few days after pipe bombs were mailed,
but did not explode. That would have been more death.

The synagogue was called
The Tree of Life.

More light. More life.

These are the words borne on the emblem of the Tree of Life * Or L’Simcha Congregation in Pittsburgh, PA. They stand for that Jewish community’s daily mission and work, mode of worship, hope for the world, and rallying cry. (Museum of Jewish Heritage)

Earlier this week a man of peace and grace I have gotten to know died after a short illness. Tonight I learned of the death of a friend of many, many years. It sounds trite but any death can strike us hard. One may bring anger or fear. Another good memories and sadness. There may be relief at some deaths, surprise at others. A violent death or deaths can overwhelm us with uncertainty and confusion. A quiet, unexpected death can shock us into private grief.

In the Jewish tradition there is the Mourner's Kaddish, a prayer to be said in a time of death and for 11 months after. But it is a prayer that does not mention death. It begins in confidence and humility:

Exalted and hallowed be His great Name. 

It continues later:

 May His great Name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified, exalted and extolled, honored, adored and lauded be the Name of the Holy One, blessed be He. 

Blessed be He. Even on a Sabbath of death.

Especially on a Sabbath of death.

May we join together to proclaim

More light. More life

In the name of the Holy One, blessed be he,

Let all say,

Amen.

Spirituality as Resistance: Proclamation

Epiphany Sunday

January 7, 2018

Proclamation as Resistance

Preaching is effective as long as the preacher expects something to happen-

not because of the sermon, not even because of the preacher,

but because of God.

— John Hines

I come to the end of this Advent to Epiphany series of Spirituality as Resistance. There were the four weeks of Advent:

• Hope
• Love
• Joy
• Peace

Then the Christmas season:

• Humility
• Light in the darkness
• Sacrifice
• Sacrament

Yesterday, Epiphany was

• Revelation

As a result of all of that, these nine themes have been building on each other. They interweave

• who we are with
• who God is and then on to
• who God wants us to be.

We ask the final question of this series:

What good is all that hope and love, light and revelation if we don’t with humility and peace take the sacrifice and joy and

• Proclaim

It?

Easy for me to say. I am an independent, retired preacher who proclaims here, on a lonely blog that most days probably gets fewer readers than I ever had sitting in the pews when I was preaching. I am not dependent on you or any of my readers for my salary. I can say pretty much what I want, filtered through my own bias and spirituality. If you don’t agree with me you can leave a comment, or just not come back to see what else I have to say.

So I go ahead and proclaim my resistance. When I was still in the pulpit I would often temper what I was going to say so as not to offend those of different opinion. I might not speak out against the oppression or non-Christian stands of people in power or government. Not only did they pay my salary, they were also my friends. Therefore I had to find ways to say what I wanted to say that would not push friends away or even turn them into adversaries. What good would that do? It was a fine line and a tightrope down the center of a busy thoroughfare, to mix all kinds of metaphors.

Perhaps I didn’t always trust that God would work as fully as I wanted things to happen. Perhaps I wanted to make sure that I would be around to preach for longer than just that one sermon. But when not in the pulpit- hence when it could be a conversation and not just me speaking- we could have discussions on disagreements. I could find ways to proclaim what I felt- and feel- was and is the Good News when sitting face to face with these friends and agree to disagree while still respecting each other. Brene Brown in her latest book, Braving the Wilderness, talks about getting close to people as a way of overcoming division. She points out that most of us can name people who have very different opinions from ours with whom we can maintain friendships. Many of us know that all __________ are wrong, can’t be trusted and are not worth my time, except for _____________ who is my friend. (Fill in the blanks. It goes in all directions.)

The past year has severely tested those opportunities for many of us. Polarized opinions shut off debate as well as discussion. Proclamation becomes “my way or the highway.” I did some of the dialogue at times with mixed results. It was tiring, even spiritually draining. Even moderate statements could raise tensions on both sides. But it is in maintaining the possibility of discussion and dialogue that we may be proclaiming our views in the clearest way possible. When we say that we need to have a discussion and not a diatribe, we proclaim our personal values of acceptance of the others. We make a clear statement of who we are when we can embrace our friends with differing ideas even when they may be proclaiming something entirely difficult to hear.

There is always something about proclaiming love in what we do and who we are.

That, after all, IS what we say God did in Jesus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What next? I am regrouping for Lent at this point. It’s not that far away- just 38 days. Ash Wednesday is on Valentine’s Day this year. (What a great metaphor to begin the season of reflection!) Over the past six weeks I have been working through a couple of spiritual readings, Falling Upward by Richard Rohr and some of the writings of Thomas Merton. They highlight the inward journey I have found myself traveling in the past year or so. I may take Rohr’s book and do some riffing in good jazz style on what that means in this day and age, building on what I have been writing about since the Dark Night of the Soul posts last year. In any case, keep watch for what’s next. Let me know what you think. Have a wonderful month until Lent.

Spirituality as Resistance: Revelation

Epiphany

January 6, 2018

Revelation as Resistance

Unclench your fists

Hold out your hands.

Take mine.

Let us hold each other.

Thus is his Glory Manifest.

-Epiphany, Madeleine L’Engle

An epiphany is

• a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something.
• an intuitive grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking.
• an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure.
  
  (Merriam-Webster)

• For the essential nature or meaning of something to be revealed is revolutionary and changes everything.
• To get an intuitive grasp of reality through some simple, yet striking event, pushes back against the status quo.
• To experience a truth that lights up our lives and the world empowers us to stand up and resist what needs to be challenged.

But what is it that is revealed on this day? What is so striking about today that it should make the state quo defenders tremble? What is the truth that empowers us to resist?

We answer this in the Christian year as the story of the day the Wise Men arrive. While popular culture has combined that with the Christmas Eve narrative, they stand far apart. Mary and Joseph have Jesus in a house now. The angels now bring warning to the travelers instead of tidings of joy. They participate in God’s conspiracy against the government of Herod- they sneak away by another route. That story is a clear instance of resistance and rebellion. It is not to turn Herod into a “believer” or make Judea or Rome a “Christian” place.

The days of Christmas have come to an end. It is Epiphany. All has been revealed, at least for now. Suddenly it is all clear- kind of.

And what is that we now know either more deeply or for a first time or in an entirely new way?

• The essential nature is not power, but humility and poverty and love.
• Reality is the birth of a baby being worshipped by the rich and powerful foreigners under the very nose of the King.
• The truth is that God’s ways are not our ways since none of this makes any sense in the work and ways of this world’s powers.

In such times and with such knowledge Madeleine L’Engel’s words prod and push us into a different understanding.

• The clenched fist of hatred and discrimination is not what God wants, unless it is seen in the helplessness of an infant reaching for love.
• The ways of God are not the actions of racism or greed but rather the open hand reaching to grab the fist of the powerless and downtrodden.
• The light of God illuminating us is knowing that none of us is a stranger to God who knows us more fully than we can ever begin to describe.
• The empowerment found in the revealing of God among us allows us to stand together, holding each other tight with hope.

In that is the glory of God made visible.

Spirituality as Resistance: Sacrament

New Year’s Day

January 1, 2018

Sacrament as Resistance

God is always coming to you in 

the Sacrament of the Present Moment.

Meet and receive Him there with gratitude in that sacrament.

— Evelyn Underhill

When I outlined these reflections for Advent to Epiphany I wasn’t sure what to say on New Year’s Day. Sure, I could ramble about new beginnings, learning from the past and moving on, working with a clean slate, making resolutions, keeping (!) resolutions, etc. None of it felt right so I kept it open until about 10 days ago when I came across the quote above from one of the great spiritual writers of the 20th Century, Evelyn Underhill. Suddenly the talk of past and future paled in comparison to the “Present Moment.” But it is not just any present moment, it is THIS Present Moment when we have the opportunity to welcome God into our lives- and our lives into God’s presence.

This is a sacrament:

• a visible sign of an inward grace,
• a visible symbol of the reality of God, as well as a means by which God enacts his grace,
• Sacraments signify God's grace in a way that is outwardly observable to the participant.

Jean Pierre de Caussade introduced the idea of the Sacrament of the Present Moment in the late 17th, early 18th Century. It is in abandonment to the Divine Providence that union with God becomes real. It is when grace grows within us. It wasn't published for many years after his death, but has come to be a classic of spiritual guidance.

Notice that grace is a common theme here! When God is present, so is God’s grace. The sacrament of the Present Moment opens that possibility no matter where we are.

Talk about rebellion and resistance to the ways of he world!

• Abandonment? Forget it. Unless you are talking about blindly obeying the words and dictates of the nation state, of course!

• Grace? A free, unearned gift? Not for me. I’m no freeloader- even on God. I’ll earn my way, thank you!

Today is not a day, then, to look back in pain or nostalgia. It is better a time to remember when God’s grace flowed into my life in the past year; or maybe the times that grace pushed me out of the door of my own self-imposed box and helped others find grace. It is also a time to inventory the times when I closed the door and windows of my spiritual house so that I wouldn’t be disturbed by the cries from those in pain or terror, need or healing. Then it becomes a time of confession and making amends.

Today is neither a time to look ahead in some dim sense of a nebulous hope, filled with resolutions of what I want to do in the next 12 months. Instead maybe it is a day to just welcome the presence of grace into my life; to abandon me soul into God’s presence and seek the power to live it- today- so that I can be stronger tomorrow.

All sacraments are rebellious; all sacraments challenge the powers that be. Even in my tradition of two sacraments, they cover the gamut of life with grace.

At baptism:

• Therefore live! Yet, not you, but Christ live in you. And the life you live, live by faith in the Son of God who gave himself for you.

At the Eucharist:

• As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death, until he comes!

Today:

• The present moment holds infinite riches beyond your wildest dreams but you will only enjoy them to the extent of your faith and love. The more a soul loves, the more it longs, the more it hopes, the more it finds. The will of God is manifest in each moment, an immense ocean which the heart only fathoms in so far as it overflows with faith, trust, and love.
  -Jean Pierre de Caussade

That truly makes for a Happy New Year as well as the promise of each new day. Resist the nostalgia of “the good old days” and the promise of some time when all will be “great again.” It is today, as each day, that the grace of God is alive.

Spirituality as Resistance: Sacrifice

The Sunday after Christmas
December 31, 2017
Sacrifice as Resistance

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.

— Martin Luther King, Jr.

In the church calendar the days after Christmas are not filled with peace and joy. First, on the 26th was St. Stephen’s Day. He was the first martyr as told in Acts, chapter 7. He was quizzed, tried, and killed for preaching and believing. Then, two days later on the 28th was Holy Innocents, the remembrance of Herod ordering the slaughter of all male children under two in order to stop this new King of the Jews. (Matthew 2: 13-18). Maybe that’s why the days after Christmas find so few people in church? Maybe they don’t want to lose the pink cloud joy and warm fuzzies of the season. But this is what happens when you follow the church calendar- you are reminded of the world into which this Prince of Peace was born. The light in the darkness that we celebrated on Monday did not suddenly and miraculously turn things around.

Two thousand years later we continue to struggle with that as well. There are innocents being killed today. Columbine, Sandy Hook, Las Vegas are just new names and places added to the seemingly never ending list while many even refuse to debate ways to deal with it. Racism and poverty prevent many from discovering their hopes and dreams. Terrorists of all kinds aim at non-combatants since that is the way to undermine the will of those they oppose. In many places around the world those who speak out for change or justice are shouted down, demeaned, and from time to time, killed. While in many ways we are living in a better world than could have been dreamed of 2000 years ago, much of it is still in need of progress and hope.

But after Christmas we are no longer just a people of hope, who have been loved, found peace, and are filled with joy. We now become the light in the darkness. That is what it means to be a follower of the ways of God. We are not to just sit and let the blessings flow onto us. We have received the light; now we live the light. We would like to think that all we have to do is wait and pray and it will happen. We would like to believe that if we do the right (or wrong!) things that God will intervene and make it happen. The illogic of that can show up in more ways than we can catalog. A paraplegic is told they don’t have enough faith or God would have given them back the ability to walk. A woman in an abusive relationship is told she has to stay with her husband/partner since that is how God would witness to the other. We can push tensions in the Middle East so that the Second Coming will happen faster.

That is not how progress and justice happen. It happens, as Dr. King’s quote says, through sacrifice, suffering, and struggle. These are the ways of Christmas- the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals- God’s people.

The prophet Amos (5:23-24) challenged God’s people to live, not just sing, to practice justice not just pay lip service:

Take away from Me the noise of your songs; I will not even listen to the sound of your harps. But let justice roll down like waters And righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

Another prophet, Micah, (6:8) echoes it so poetically that the depth and challenge can be missed:

He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justice,
to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Isn’t that what we have been discovering throughout these past weeks of Advent?

Hope,
reaching out with unconditional love,
fills us and others with joy
so that peace is found within and around.
Then, in humility we respond to become part of this call of God, and
we become bearers of light pushing back the darkness.
Because of that we sacrifice and stand up for justice.

As I have said a number of different ways this past month, resistance is not passive; non-violence is not a call to be a doormat. It is a way of life that puts the inner life together with our outer life. It melds us into a unity of purpose and hope. Then we live it. Again, and again, and again I say- we live it. It will do far more than bring some physical light and warmth to the darkness of winter, it will be our way of affirming the ways of God- however we may each understand God- allowing us to find the deaths of grace.

How better to end the year and the Christmas season of posts than the amazing words of poet, author, theologian, teacher, and mystic Howard Thurman:

When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and the princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flocks,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among people,
To make music in the heart.

Spirituality as Resistance: Light in the Darkness

It has always been one of the core beliefs of my faith that resistance to the world’s ways is at the heart of the Judeo-Christian ethic. It may also be at the heart of other faiths, but this is the one I know best and am steeped in. Between now and Epiphany Sunday on January 7 I will take one of the traditional themes of the season and relate it to our present day resistance to some difficult and troubling things happening around us. I don't believe we are to withdraw from the world, but rather engage with the world (in, not of the world) with the Word in mind.

Christmas Day

December 25, 2017

Light as Resistance

Rage, rage, against the dying of the light!

- Dylan Thomas

I wonder if people at the time of Jesus’ birth felt hopeless? Were the “good, old days” the vision they kept in their mind? Might they have said these things?

• Remember when our people were led by Moses? No one like him since.
• Remember the bravery of the Maccabees reclaiming Jerusalem? Where are they now when we need them again?
• Remember the way Isaiah and Jeremiah had such great contact with God? Why are our religious leaders so dishonest now?
• Remember when Judea was great? Who will make us great again?

As a result of being human, did they believe that the world was winding down into some kind of darkness?

It wasn’t physically any darker than it had ever been. Bethlehem on the first Christmas was as dark as ever. The fields where the shepherds were quietly taking care of their flocks was as dark as any such night might be. The manger was as surrounded by darkness as it would always be in the middle of the night. Light came only from oil lamps or torches. Defeating the darkness was one of those basic human drives whether by campfires and torches or today’s LED flashlights and streetlights blocking the light of moon and stars.

We 21st Century westerners have little to no idea about such darkness. Or at least not exterior darkness. We have conquered the outer darkness and hidden the stars from view. The darkness we often rage against is an inner darkness found in our hearts and the actions of others. We may argue whether the times are any darker than they have ever been or what to do about it. We may disagree about how that darkness manifests itself. The past year has seen many examples of darkness attempting to conquer the light many of us believe God has placed in the center of humanity.

• Terror in Las Vegas, Fort Lauderdale, and Manchester.
• Devastating historic-level hurricanes.
• Threats of nuclear attacks.
• Ravaging wildfires.
• The rise of white supremacists and neo-Nazis.
• Terror in the Bronx, Barcelona, and Manhattan.
• Sutherland, Texas murders.
• Attack on congressional ballgame.

We have experienced a daily onslaught of tweets and counter-tweets, the seemingly unending attacks on social programs aimed at helping the least and the lost, the regular twisting and spinning of news to fit “my” ideologies, the degradation of science as a way of understanding our world, the misuse of the title “Christian” as a political “big stick”, and smaller, but just as hurtful, abuses and assaults on decency and character.

But we are also growing and improving.

• The amazing shift in dealing with sexual abuse and harassment is causing a long hoped-for movement into honesty, empowering women to speak out. 
• The Women’s March in Washington started that movement and gave it early momentum. 
• The election victories in Virginia and Alabama have given many an awareness of what can happen when people do get out and vote. 
• The solar eclipse was a cross-country unity of awe. 
• The many pictures of individuals reaching out to strangers in the midst of terror and destruction reminds us that we are better than the headlines might indicate.

It would be easy at the end of this year to be sad, discouraged, or even angry. To do so would be to surrender to the power of the darkness. Most, if not all, myths and cultural foundations remind us that to do so is counterproductive. From the "Odyssey" to "Star Wars", light does find a way to win. We get that image from simply watching a sunrise- or just turning on a light in a dark room. One cannot turn on a darkness switch. It does not work that way. We can hide the light, put it under a covering or a basket, but there is still light and it shines somewhere.

• Let it shine and defeat the darkness.

Dylan Thomas may have written the above words when his father was going blind and dying, but they are words to be read each day when the darkness surrounding us seems to be getting stronger. It is not. The light must not be allowed to dim. To “rage against the dying of the light” is to shine more brightly ourselves, to affirm what we have already celebrated through Advent:

• Hope
• Love
• Joy
• Peace.

To live these each day is to push back against the darkness.

One commentator on the web forum Quora said this about Thomas’s poem:

It is a strong invocation for us to live boldly and to fight. It implores us to not just "go gentle into that good night," but to rage against it. Even at the end of life, when "grave men" are near death, the poem instructs us to burn with life. The poem's meaning is life affirming.
-Quora

Light is not just resistance, it is the way resistance works. It is a light in the darkness, a word to break the night into a place of revelation, an action to push for life. Always for life!! As long as there is light, there will be the promise and hope of life.

Christmas is the Word become Flesh and the light shining in the darkness, breaking through hate and fear, despair and greed.

Sing it loud, let it shine.

Merry Christmas!

Spirituality as Resistance: Humility

It has always been one of the core beliefs of my faith that resistance to the world’s ways is at the heart of the Judeo-Christian ethic. It may also be at the heart of other faiths, but this is the one I know best and am steeped in. Between now and Epiphany Sunday on January 7 I will take one of the traditional themes of the season and relate it to our present day resistance to some difficult and troubling things happening around us. I don't believe we are to withdraw from the world, but rather engage with the world (in, not of the world) with the Word in mind.

Christmas Eve
December 24, 2017
Humility as Resistance

In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, 

but it seems that God continually chooses 

the most unqualified to do his work, to bear his glory. 

If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. 

If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, 

then there's no danger that we will confuse God's work with our own, 

or God's glory with our own.

― Madeleine L'Engle, 

We seek power in a savior and instead are guided to a lowly manger. A baby has been born who, we are told, will throw the great from their thrones and let the oppressed go free.

We expect strength and self-assurance when God becomes human and yet we are told he is in a small out-of-the-way place like Bethlehem of Judea. A baby cries, like any baby, intuitively knowing that when they do that they will be heard.

We watch for armies and weapons to come to take the world back for God yet the most defenseless of humans is where we are led. A baby whose arms can hold nothing and whose legs can’t stand on their own is the unarmed Prince of Peace.

The paradox of Christmas is nowhere more apparent than tonight. The great sounds of music will peal with bells and instruments to proclaim a holy miracle. Pomp and pageantry will be the order of the night from all corners of the Christian faith. It will be anything but a sign of resistance. It may even look like the ceremony, spectacle, and trappings of worldly powers will have co-opted the night. Christianity has conquered the world. We dress up in our finest clothes, we venture into our places of worship to pay our yearly respect for something beyond our understanding, but still underpinning our hopes.

This is not a night known for humility- as resistance, revolution, or anything else.

But in that is the paradox we can so easily overlook. Mary’s song months before the birth talked about that:

…he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

but has sent the rich away empty. (Luke 1: 51b-53)

Perhaps our first act on this night is one of confession for what we have turned this night into. But I think that would also miss the importance of the displays and ceremony. They are not just for us, they are for the world to see. They do not proclaim our greatness, they scatter the proud and bring down the powerful. They lift up the humble- the hungry and lost, the lonely and least with the hope, love, joy, and peace that we have been seeing throughout Advent. A little child IS leading us- a baby who has no choice but to be powerless and dependent, a baby who doesn’t know the word proud or control or self but who can only cry an unknowing cry.

It is when we are willing to live within the paradox of a humble baby who is God become flesh, that we can start to understand who we are. No, maybe it is not about understanding for if we could truly understand this night’s miracles, it would no longer be a night of miracles. By definition we cannot understand or explain what this night is about- other than perhaps to humble us for we, too, are the proud who need tone cast down from our self-made thrones where we have inaugurated ourselves as the saviors of the world.

There is the beginning of humility as resistance. To become as a little child in order to grow into a spiritually mature person of soul. “God humbled himself,” Paul said in Philippians. How can we do anything else.

• Tonight, meditate on the presence of God in our world.
• As a child.
• To show us how important it is to simply be human.
• Humility.

These are the few ways we can practice humility:

To speak as little as possible of one's self.

To mind one's own business.

Not to want to manage other people's affairs.

To avoid curiosity.

To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.

To pass over the mistakes of others.

To accept insults and injuries.

To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.

To be kind and gentle even under provocation.

Never to stand on one's dignity.

To choose always the hardest.

― Mother Teresa

Spirituality as Resistance: Peace

It has always been one of the core beliefs of my faith that resistance to the world’s ways is at the heart of the Judeo-Christian ethic. It may also be at the heart of other faiths, but this is the one I know best and am steeped in. Between now and Epiphany Sunday on January 7 I will take one of the traditional themes of the season and relate it to our present day resistance to some difficult and troubling things happening around us. I don't believe we are to withdraw from the world, but rather engage with the world (in, not of the world) with the Word in mind.

4th Sunday of Advent 

December 24, 2017

Peace as Resistance

While you are proclaiming peace with your lips,

be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.

― Francis of Assisi

We have come from hope to love and joy. As we end our Advent journey this morning these three move us to the heart of the matter, I believe, no matter how we look at it. We come to peace.

• Peace, not as the absence of conflict but the presence of serenity.
• Peace, not as a compromise ending discord, but a way of life that impacts others.
• Peace, not the result of violence, but as a foundation of unity.
• Peace, not the privilege of dominance over others, but as the seed of embracing God’s love for ourselves and others.

• In a world of conflict, peace is an act of revolution.
• In a world of war and violence, peace is resistance to the ways of the world.
• In a world where many seek dominance, peace is to be willing to be powerless for the sake of others.

• It was but a few decades ago when many marched and pushed for peace we were called traitors.
• That was peace as resistance.
• Gandhi preached nonviolence as the way to bring about a major societal change.
• That was peace as resistance.
• Martin Luther King, Jr. followed Gandhi’s lead to break through a century of post-slave era discrimination.
• That was peace as resistance.

As Francis reminds us to have peace on our lips without living it from the heart is to shortchange the meaning of peace. It also keeps us from finding the way into deeper hope. We deprive our world of what we have to share and may even cut off the path to peace.

There is no path to peace,

but peace itself is the path.

― Richard Rohr

One cannot find the way to peace. The peace leads us on the path. Peace is not something that we can build, but something we discover as we walk a path that in itself is peaceful. It is one of the great paradoxes of life that the harder we work for peace, the more we depend on power and control to find it in ourselves, the less peace we will have. That, too, is an act of resistance since it seems so counterproductive to the ways we are told to live. There has to be a willingness to surrender to peace before we can find it.

Being a person of peace does not mean that one becomes a doormat or a victim who has no power. Power comes in living as a person of peace. Peace is not passivity. Sharing a life of peace is active and empowering. When one lives in peace, it can be seen that hope, love, and joy are present. Peace is standing in place when chaos erupts. Peace is knowing the way, the truth, and the life. Peace has discovered an inner source of wonder and direction that the world cannot overcome.

Tonight we begin the season of Christmas. It is a season when peace is proclaimed by angels in the fields of Bethlehem and in the cries of a newborn. It is a season when peace is proclaimed and for a brief period we may begin to believe, again, that peace is possible.

More than that, it is the final Advent call to move forward with the hope we have discovered, the love that loves us unconditionally, the joy that overcomes doubt.

Tonight will be the night when we are reminded that the ways of the world are turned upside down.

We are ready. Advent comes to a close.

O come, O King of nations, bind

in one the hearts of all mankind.

Bid all our sad divisions cease

and be yourself our King of Peace.

Spirituality as Resistance: Joy

It has always been one of the core beliefs of my faith that resistance to the world’s ways is at the heart of the Judeo-Christian ethic. It may also be at the heart of other faiths, but this is the one I know best and am steeped in. Between now and Epiphany Sunday on January 7 I will take one of the traditional themes of the season and relate it to our present day resistance to some difficult and troubling things happening around us. I don't believe we are to withdraw from the world, but rather engage with the world (in, not of the world) with the Word in mind.

 3rd Sunday of Advent 

December 17, 2017

Joy as Resistance

 Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.

― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Joy, according to one dictionary entry is:

the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight.

Have you watched some of the people making pronouncements these days? Is there joy there? Do they exude joy or seem to suck it right out of the atmosphere? People of all persuasions try to persuade me to be happy or joyful while looking anything but. Ads for the many great and wondrous medications make life look amazing while the voiceover (or voice-under?) tells us all the things that could go wrong.

May God protect me from gloomy saints.

--Saint Teresa of Avila

How in the world can we talk about “joy” as a way of spiritual resistance? What is the role of “joy” in standing up to the powers of the world? How does “joy” make a revolutionary statement to confront the powers and principalities? Just remembering political (or advertising) campaigns would give a hint, I think. Much of what passes for political discourse or advertising wants to build on the supposed fact that we are not currently experiencing “joy.” All we need to do to turn our current sad and depressed state of affairs around is to elect the right politician, support the right party, buy the newest, latest and best product. Think about the longing face desiring their dreams to come true under the Christmas tree. THEN, we will find “joy.”

The “joy” we talk about at Advent and beyond is not that type of joy. It is not about acquiring or having a particular theology or ideology. It is something internal, something that can be who we are.

The website Theopedia defines joy this way:

Joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is a settled state of contentment, confidence and hope.

That begins to take us in a different direction. We are now in the area of contemplation and mystery. We are entering the territory of mindfulness and meditation, perhaps even the mystical. We are heading toward a joy that is intuitive and the result of the “hope” and “love” we have already discussed. Perhaps “joy” comes from living a life based on hope that is made real in “love.”

One of the other things about us humans is that we look on “emotional” words like “joy” as if they are these great and overwhelming feelings. We are inundated by information and noise and people and things that in order to feel any of these things they, too, have to be overwhelming and big and loud. We don’t know it’s joy unless it is over the top ecstasy. We don’t know it’s real unless it can break through the clutter of noise and distractions to get our attention in the first place. Joy is not loud and boisterous, although it can be. Joy is not fireworks alone. It is also that awareness of something greater that is both around us and within us as a quiet sunset over the Gulf of Mexico or the wonder of a sleeping child.

It is a state of mind - the openness to see it; and an orientation of the heart- the aiming of our soul toward the very source of joy.

M. Ahlers, in the book 50 Things to Know About Practicing Spiritual Discipline, puts it this way:

Joy is a choice based on being content regardless of circumstances. Understanding what encourages joy in your life can help you cultivate it and build up your resources for when circumstances are difficult.

Yes, I can choose to be filled with joy, content no matter what. It also means to cultivate the things that bring joy into my life, which will in turn increase and enhance the joy I am able to be aware of.

The radical nature of joy is beginning to be revealed. The revolutionary attitude to be content regardless of circumstances can confront the ways of the world around us and say a clear “No!” to those calls to our lesser nature; to the desire to separate us from our brothers and sisters based on color or creed or country of origin; to the victimizing of others so that we can have joy even at their expense since they are the ones keeping us from having joy. There is a promise inherent in joy that if we live with the hope that life is worth it and that love of even the so-called enemy is essential- something unique and powerful will happen within us.

Advent is a time of patience, though, since this does not happen overnight. Rumi, the wondrous Muslim mystic and poet wrote:

If you are wholly perplexed and in straits, have patience, for patience is the key to joy

Impatience is what the ways of the world feed on-

• impatience with how slowly we are getting ahead,
• impatience with having to wait to get what we think we need or deserve,
• impatience that leads to seeking instant gratification,
• impatience that kills joy, and
• impatience that allows the world to call us away from hope and love into a joyless uncertainty.

But Rumi adds,

When you feel a peaceful JOY, that's when you are near truth.

Moving from hope to love and into joy brings us closer to the truth that thaws of the world are not necessarily the final answer. In fact that movement into joy moves us to a place closer to the truths that are greater than we are, the truths that transcend religion and race, ideology or nationalism. We Christians can point to Jesus as being “the way and the truth” but that is our experience. Many others have experienced the same truth in myriad ways. Even Christians, if we are honest with ourselves, know that we have found joy, true joy as we have discovered the truths of life in hope and love in many non-religious but highly spiritual ways.

When you feel joy, the truth is near (Rumi)

And, the truth can set you free (Jesus).

The journey of Advent as resistance reminds us again that it is not in the political or ideological or materialistic or even religious ways that truth will be found. We don’t have to give in to the siren calls around us, or the “dog-whistle” pronouncements that reinforce hate or discrimination. Truth is not to be found there.

Live in hope
Love unconditionally
Joy will guide you into truth.

The journey continues.

Spirituality as Resistance: Love

It has always been one of the core beliefs of my faith that resistance to the world’s ways is at the heart of the Judeo-Christian ethic. It may also be at the heart of other faiths, but this is the one I know best and am steeped in. Between now and Epiphany Sunday on January 7 I will take one of the traditional themes of the season and relate it to our present day resistance to some difficult and troubling things happening around us. I don't believe we are to withdraw from the world, but rather engage with the world (in, not of the world) with the Word in mind.

2nd Sunday of Advent, 

December 10, 2017:

Love as Resistance

Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love,
and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I found all kinds of ways of putting “love” into this post as a form of resistance. Where do we get the idea that love is a spiritual discipline?

• Love the Lord with all that you are
• Love your neighbor as yourself.
• Love is how we turn what we say into what we do.
• To live in love is to live in God.
• Love is the embodiment of our beliefs. The only place where the beliefs can be seen.
• We learn love from God!

Love as a discipline of spiritual resistance is important because it crosses barriers and boundaries and allows for no exceptions. Love is acceptance and it’s what I meant when talking last week about our interconnectedness.

On top of all that we don’t often think of the spiritual discipline of “love” as countercultural, resistance to the ways the world deals with love and life. Stop and think about it and we realize that it is the natural extension of the basic so-called Golden Rule:

Do unto others as you would have them do to (or for) you!

Meditate on that; place it as the Golden Rule, i.e. the best rule for living. (Go ahead. Take some time to do that if you want before you read on. I have already done so.)

What did you get? What comes to mind?

First it was the awareness of how seldom I think of that let alone try to actually live it. From there it moved to asking myself another question. “What would such love look like?” Without missing much of a beat it came to a halt at Jesus’ words:

I say to you, Love your enemies, bless those cursing you, do good to those hating you, and pray for those accusing you falsely, and persecuting you… (Matthew 5:44, Young’s Literal Translation.)

Now Jesus is REALLY meddling with the ways of the world. Jesus is actually suggesting that we do the exact opposite of the ways of the world. Love my enemies? You’ve got to be kidding! That would be unheard of, even suicidal.

That isn’t just countercultural, it is downright revolutionary. If we all started practicing that this would be a far different world.

And that is exactly the point! What else would be the purpose of such spiritual resistance but to make the world a far better place? What else would be the result of living a spiritually resistant lifestyle than the overturning of the logical way of living and relating to others?

Now, with all that in mind, let me ask you another question to continue to build this discipline of love.

Do you remember being loved in such a way that it changed your life?

Two things come to mind. The first, that set the foundation for me was a remarkable quote from theologian Paul Tillich:

“You are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted!” If that happens to us, we experience grace.

That quote has come to me a number of times over the past 45 years- always at a time and place of needing to be loved- and what is love except an awareness of being accepted as I am. Me. Just as I am!

The second thing that came to mind happened many years ago but only sunk in recently. A few years ago I was working on following my Dad’s Army unit through the last year of World War II. I called one of my Dad’s cousins to ask some questions. (I should note that my Dad died in 1964 when I was 16, 2 1/2 years after my mother had died. What I knew of both of them was therefore limited.) In the midst of our conversation she mentioned how her mother and others around our small rural town had worried about my brother and myself losing our parents at such young ages. It was an opening of light as I realized that in those years- and many since- I was loved and cared for simply because I needed it. They were worried and wanted to support us.

I have been loved - and it was a great feeling.

How could I not want to share that? How could I not be willing to live that love through my own life? I have spent my adult life in service to others in ministry, in mission, in addiction counseling, in trying to be a good husband, father, and friend. I am who I am because over these 69 years I have been loved unconditionally by many people.

The revelation that “love” has been at work in my life in countless and often unknown ways was one more reason to live in love.

To repeat, that is all quite revolutionary. Not that family or friends loved me, but the feeling of being loved is so powerful even when you don’t know it’s happening, it can change your world.

However to name someone as “enemy” and therefore not worthy of my love is dangerous. My heroes like Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. Have pointed that out. They attempted to live in ways that loved instead of hated. Not long after I typed these words, my friends at Mindful Christianity Today on Facebook posted a meme. Here it is:

We are in a time of great divisiveness and even angry hatred. It may be couched in either nice language or spoken with all its vitriol spewing forth. Such anger and hatred leads to violence. Such violence will always be deadly- emotionally, spiritually, or physically. As part of the counter-culture of spirituality we must remember what it means to be loved and how it works miracles in each of us. Then, in radical acceptance and revolutionary hope, we live that love, no matter what.

It may be resisted or mocked; it may be seen as weakness or illogical. It will empower us to be who we are called to be.

And I saw the river over which every soul must pass to reach the kingdom of God and the name of that river was suffering - and I saw the boat which carries souls across the river and the name of that boat was love.

— St. John of the Cross

Spirituality as Resistance: Hope

Advent begins today. It is the time of preparation for the coming of the Savior on Christmas. It is a time of challenge and spiritual growth. In spite of the seemingly bright and cheerful side of the holiday that Hallmark cards often present, the next six weeks are a time of wrestling with important truths about humanity, about God, and about what God has done and is doing for our release from captivity to sin.

Over the past year many of us have been facing a crisis of faith and spirit with many difficult and uncomfortable things happening around us. Last year I wrote a series on the Dark Night of the Soul in the political era we are living in. I followed it up with a series on Dietrich Bonhoeffer in a time even darker than ours. We have made it through another year and the word that has come to describe what many of us are doing is “Resistance.”

It has always been one of the core beliefs of my faith that resistance to the world’s ways is at the heart of the Judeo-Christian ethic. It may also be at the heart of other faiths, but this is the one I know best and am steeped in. Between now and Epiphany Sunday on January 7 I will take one of the traditional themes of the season and relate it to our present day resistance to some difficult and troubling things happening around us. I don't believe we are to withdraw from the world, but rather engage with the world (in, not of the world) with the Word in mind.

1st Sunday of Advent, 

December 3, 2017

Hope as Resistance

All resistance movements have been based in a sense of hope. In recent history we have had the Resistance in France in WW II. Back in the 60s, those who opposed the Vietnam war saw themselves as a resistance movement. Non-violent resistance- has had a long history, with people like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. being the most famous. In the past year a number of different groups like Indivisible have formed as grass-roots actions to overcome the extreme right-wing. Without the hope that they could be successful against evil and wrong, they would not have done what they did.

Let me start by looking at spirituality and how it is Resistance. I am not looking to get into arguments about the existence or nonexistence of “God.” I believe spirituality in general is far broader than that. Each “religious faith” adapts “spirituality” to be part of its own history and understanding of the world. In general, let me define spirituality this way:

We are connected!

• First, we are connected to something greater than ourselves.
• Therefore we can’t do it alone (and don’t need to) and
• Therefore that is a challenge to narrow vision and easy acceptance of many self-centered beliefs and
• Therefore “Me First” is not an option.

• Second, we are connected to others interdependently.
• Therefore we have a responsibility to others as we would want them to have responsibility for us and
• Therefore we are to do unto others as we would want them to do unto us without exception and
• Therefore we are to be kind to the “stranger” and “foreigner” in our midst.

Spirituality appears to be an evolved human response as a means of survival. Alone, the individual could not survive. It is in the evolution from nomad to tribe to village and city to nation-states to an interconnected world. This is the basis of Spiritual Resistance. It is standing for the many ways we can experience, live, and share the basic message of our continually evolving interrelationships. This is even more important today when all it could take is two individuals who can push each other- and all of humanity- into a world-ending war.

The survival of humanity depends on our getting along and finding ways to interrelate and accept others. Because we have had such experiences in our lives, because we can discover that in our daily lives, and because it is possible to live that way in new ways, we can have hope. Our hope is believing that we can do something to enhance the options for our survival.

That is heavy! That seems like an impossible task. But when we fell that, we go back to the definitions and calling to spirituality. We are not alone! We are connected and can work at increasing that interconnectedness! It is not- and cannot be- about me alone!

• The spirituality of hope is to challenge the false hopes we can all fall prey to. 
• It is resistance to the false hopes presented as variations of “Me First!” 
• It is resistance to the call to be selfish and ignore those who have less than we do. 
  
• It is resistance to myths propagated by many and varied sources in our society and other societies that seek to control rather than heal. 
• It is resistance to anything that denigrates and kills others in body, mind, or soul. It is resistance to racism, sexism, homophobia, religious bigotry, poverty. 
• It is resistance to straw men raised by “leaders” who want to consolidate power over others.

• Hope tells us that life is worth living. 
• Hope tells us that if we are willing to work together we can get things done. 
• Hope tells us that the power of “we” is always greater than the powers of “me alone.” 
• Hope tells us that there are other like-minded people who see the world as we do. 
• Hope says that each person is a person of value and worth and forgiveness and care is at the heart of what we are to do. 

 We will look at other ways this happens as we journey through Advent. In the Christian tradition Advent is a time of preparation for the coming of the Savior. It is when we take time in meditation and prayer to hear the words and follow the life of the one we Christians call The Word Become Flesh. We believe that when we watch Jesus and hear his words we are hearing the way of hope for all humanity. That is not meant to mean the exclusive, we Christians are the only ones who have the answer. It is rather from my faith and cultural perspective in a religion that has just as often ignored or turned those words upside down for their own benefit. Jesus has been called the beginning and the end. The Alpha and the Omega. Omega, the symbol of resistance can be seen as the symbol for what Jesus calls humans to do- resist the life-denying calls of the world. There are life-affirming actions and ways of the world. Jesus calls me to uphold them and keep them active.

My description of spirituality above is open to many ways of following a power greater than ourselves. Admittedly my definition is one that is based on my understandings. It comes out of my experiences of nearly 7 decades of living. I can see no other way for me that encompasses the hope, love, joy, and peace of life. I hope others can see these in their own spiritual evolution. Hope as resistance is the first step in a journey into deeper hope. It helps us to cope with what the world often throws at us and others. Resistance is an immunity against fear and hate, death and selfishness.

Focus on hope this week.

Hope can be more than wishful thinking. It is a sense of expectation that something possible is coming. We must be ready to see it when it comes. We need to be focused, not distracted, but turn toward hope and not despair.

Listen to the still small voice of hope when things seem to be falling apart.

Join with others in hope!

Only One Day at a Time

October 29, 1988 - October 29, 2017

Humbly awed!

4. Dark Night of the Soul- Path of the Dark Night

A couple weeks ago I was talking with a friend about this series. I commented that the impetus to explore the role of the Dark Night of the Soul was the fear and anxiety I and many were feeling after the election of Donald Trump. His first reaction was, you don’t believe this is the worst it’s going to get, do you? Isn’t that what the dark night means- that it will get better from here on?

An article I found online addressed this issue. From Our Sunday Visitor:

The dark night of the soul is not an evil to be endured; it’s a good for which we should be grateful. Of course, it doesn’t always seem that way. The thought of plunging into a spiritual abyss and losing all the sweetness in our relationship with God strikes few as appealing.

A Protestant writing in Christianity Today put it this way:

One lesson we can learn from the ancient mystics is that dark nights are not problems, but opportunities. Grasping this reality moves us beyond "How do we fix this?" to "What might I learn in this?"
--The purpose of the dark night, of course, is to strip us of our futile attempts to find God on our own terms and awaken us to a much simpler desire for intimacy with God
--Chuck DeGroat

With the awareness that this dark night is going to be helpful let us also remember that darkness IS frightening. Think about how much we are aware of things in the dark- even things that aren’t there- except in our imagination. Every creak and bump in a dark house is multiplied. The old Celtic prayer for protection included “things that go bump in the night” right along with “ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties”. Darkness, sometimes described as “wilderness”, however, is almost always seen as the path to spiritual growth.

Traditionally, spiritual directors identify three primary stages (or ways) of growth in holiness.

• The first is the purgative way, where we break habits of vice, acquire habits of virtue and learn to live a Catholic life.
• The second is the illuminative way, where we grow in virtue, charity and the life of prayer.
• And the third is the unitive way, where our wills and hearts move in perfect harmony with God’s.

In the dark night of the senses, God purifies us of our attachments to the things of the world — physical comfort, physical pleasure, material success, popular acclaim — as well as even the comfort we seek in prayer. Sorrows afflict us, and things that used to ease us — food, sex, shopping, compliments, even the liturgy — no longer do. Through this dark night, God prepares us for the illuminative way and a deeper, more contemplative life of prayer.

The dark night of the soul occurs at the end of the illuminative way, as we prepare to enter the unitive way. During this dark night, God roots out our deepest attachments to sin and self, and the desolation that accompanies that rooting out is overwhelming and crushing. - Our Sunday Visitor:

Let me talk about these stages of moving through the dark night. As we walk these steps it is important to remember the wisdom of Winston Churchill:

If you're going through hell, keep going.

It is tempting to stop, to "give up", or "give in" to fear, cynicism, anger, or reprisal. We have seen all that and experienced all that in many different ways over these weeks since the election. Those are not the ways to get through the dark night; they do not help us- or anyone- move forward. We easily get stuck in these and don’t move anywhere helpful or healthy.

What then do we go through? As in that quote from Our Sunday Visitor the first part is the purgative way. Purgative means cleansing, intense purifying, even liberating. We are talking about the path of the dark night moving us away from our attachment to things of our own doing and making; we are realizing that we are powerless over people, places, and things; we become aware of how we cling to things that are not helpful or productive in order to gain fame, fortune, or even at times a sense of calm and peace. Does it really make us feel better when we revert to angry, nasty comments? Does it help us- or anyone- when we lash out at those who differ from us? These are all the ways we act when we don’t know what else to do. “Well, they started it,” is not a good reason.

But in the dark night nothing positive seems to be working either. As John of the Cross describes it, even the deepest and most sincere prayers and rituals seem to lose their effectiveness. God seems to have abandoned us. We may cry, “How can God let this happen?” We feel lost and lonely.

At that point we have two choices.

• Admit we are lost and nothing can help us or 
• decide there has to be a power greater than ourselves who can get us through this. So we go searching in a sense of desperate hope. The Catholic Dictionary says we discover that as we detach from the things we have trusted we move closer to God and

the will becomes more firmly attracted to God and more securely attached to his divine will. This purification, however, is only a means to an end, namely, 1. to give greater glory to God, who is thereby loved for himself and not for the benefits he confers; 2. to lead the one thus purified to infused contemplation and even ecstatic union with God; 3. to enable the mystic to be used more effectively by God for the spiritual welfare of others, since the more holy a person is the more meritorious are that person's prayers and sacrifices for the human race. -Catholic Dictionary

This is the seed of the illuminative way- the second phase on the path. Down in the depths of that dark night, as we struggle and wrestle and seek beyond our deepest longings, we also discover some light. Enlightenment. In Twelve Step language, we come to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves. This is a power that can make sense of what is happening to us, that can lead us into new understandings of the world we inhabit- as well as the inner life we each can develop. We can be restored to sanity. We do not need to “give up” or “give in” to the world, our fears or desires, even our personal ideologies, political or religious positions, institutions. In our search for comfort and release of fear we have often relied on these. It is time to move on. We need to “surrender” to the Higher Power.

One would think that such a surrender would be the start of something wondrous and bright. And at first it does seem so. It is like a “pink cloud” where everything is hopeful. That is but the beginning. We are so used to hearing that all one must do is “trust God and all will be okay” that when it doesn’t happen that way we get upset, angry, or lose faith. What has happened is that we have experienced part of the joy of cleansing of the senses and physical issues. We must then, as John of the Cross guides us, also be cleansed of the spiritual issues.

It may be necessary for us to give up warm and fuzzy religious feelings, or have them taken from us by God so we can draw closer to Him. Catholics United for the Faith

The action of surrendering is not as easy as we would like; we are not done with the cleansing. Or more to the point, simply coming to believe is not the end. Much still can block us from the light at the end of the dark night. As part of the spiritual growth ahead of us we must also take a serious look at who we are and what has led us to this point. In the Twelve Step programs this is the “housecleaning” stage.

• We take a searching and fearless moral inventory and share it with a trusted mentor. (Twelve Steps, Four and Five)
• We discover our shortcomings and ongoing character defects and become willing to surrender them. (Twelve Steps, Six and Seven)
• We become aware of those we may have harmed or had difficult relationships with and make amends. (Twelve Steps, Eight and Nine)
• We learn how to take a regular self-inventory and be quick to make amends when we have hurt another. (Twelve Steps, Ten)

These are deeply spiritual steps.

• These force us to look inside and be honest about ourselves. 
• They make us confront the ways we may still cling to the old ways of self-centeredness, anger, resentment. 
• They lead us into finding new ways to relate to the people in our lives and the world around us. 
• They are preparing us to be awake in our spirit and in the Spirit of our Higher Power.

This may seem like a long way to get to what is happening in the world in these early days of 2017. We now have a new president, one who has arguably been the most controversial and disliked candidate-now-president in modern politics. Many remain fearful of what he is going to do. Many have seen him do things that they find unacceptable and promote values they have difficulty accepting. Many are ready to stand up to him and challenge him in the face of his supporters who tell us to “get over it.”

I believe what we are facing is an ongoing spiritual journey. We have only been at this specific journey since early November. It took many by surprise. Too many of us were complacent, almost sluggish. The election was a shock to our system. It told us that we didn't know our country as well as we thought we did. It told us that there is more going on here than we were paying attention to. Many of us have felt like we were swimming in quicksand, being pulled down and out. That is how, for me, the dark night began this journey.

Spiritual can be a confusing term. I am using it here in both the traditional "mystic" sense of becoming unified with a Higher Power (being part of something greater than ourselves) and in the awareness of being connected to those around us- our fellow human beings. These must always be together no matter what spiritual tradition, or lack of one, we may have come from. The journey will be unique for each of us, based on who we are and what we have experienced. It must also be in connection with others.

Marks of the spiritual can take many forms:

• love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control
• humility, forgiveness, and acceptance
• honesty, openness, and willingness.

to name but a few.

For us to be prepared for a spiritual journey, one must have been spiritually prepared. That is where we are now. We are at a beginning. These stages of the journey, or the Twelve Steps as a paradigm, or your training and direction and how that happens. We are less than 90 days into this particular journey. We are preparing.

Dark Night of the Soul #3: An Earlier Experience

My only previous experience of a dark night-type experience was over 30 years ago now. Details have become foggy, but it all began with a premonition. I envisioned a war in the Middle East during August of 1982. About two years earlier, in 1980, I had been asked to choose hymn verses and write prayers for our denominational devotional, The Daily Texts. I was assigned August 1982. As I read through the daily scriptures for the month I found myself growing afraid. They seemed to indicate that a war was coming in the Middle East. This idea got planted firmly in my conscious and unconscious mind.

This was only enhanced in November 1980 when I hosted a trip to Israel. Among the group who traveled with me were several people who believed that the Second Coming was imminent. An important part of that view is war in the Middle East. They spent a great deal of time talking about that as we toured the country. They almost seemed more interested in that than in the religious and spiritual aspects of the trip. The visit to Har Megiddo (Armageddon) was particularly difficult!

One afternoon I had some free time and I went to one of the hills on the outskirts of Jerusalem and sat there meditating, contemplating and praying. I could envision fighter jets flying over the walls of the Old City. My overactive imagination did its thing. It cemented the fear and uncertainty I was feeling. It remained there when I returned home. A few months after the trip our daughter was born. Now there was more reason to fear and worry.

I lost many nights sleep over the next 18 months. I didn’t talk about it to anyone for months. It was a constant presence in my thoughts, under the surface at times, but always bubbling up in the night. I became interested in St. John of the Cross and his writing at that point, but was unable to truly connect it with what I was going through. Nothing I did seemed to ease the tension. I began trying to figure out how to survive the coming war. It was no longer located in the Middle East in my imagination. It had become World War III. We owned a vacation place in the wilds of northern Pennsylvania so I decided that this would be as good a place as any to survive such a war. I planned that we would go there for the month of August. I never explained why.

I did go to see a pastoral counselor at one point. All he did was make it worse. “It must be something to have that ability at premonition,” was the only comment I remember. Not a help. I don’t think he was being sarcastic. Ironic, maybe. I did finally talk to my wife about it, but by then I was overwhelmed and just looking forward to getting past August. I knew it was crazy, but it was still alive.

Needless to say nothing happened. August 1982 came and went. I went back to “normal” life- or so I thought. Looking back from 35 years later I see that something else happened. It was but the beginning of a longer dark night that took another six years to finish. During this time my use of alcohol increased significantly. I would go up to our vacation place by myself. I would spend days alternating between drinking myself drunk at night and working on sermon and worship planning during the days. Days were productive; nights were hell. I would find renewal in the daylit woods and writing but the darkness would bring the demons. It is not an unusual pattern for a deepening alcoholic. I didn’t realize it was happening and even had trouble describing it several years later when faced with the outcome. But I tried something- in July 1984 we moved from Pennsylvania to Wisconsin.

Geographic escapes don’t work any better than any other actions of denial. The darkness was deepening and I was oblivious to the problems. A number of other personal and emotional storms began to develop. I began to question my own direction, desires, calling. I was outwardly doing well; inwardly I was falling apart. And no one knew it. Least of all myself. Can I blame it on the inability to identify the dark night of the early 1980s? Could it have been avoided if I had taken a different approach before it reached these stages?

No, I don’t think so. One of the difficulties of becoming spiritually mature and insightful is that you have to be old enough to have had the necessary experiences. Premature maturity is truly an oxymoron. The darkness at the beginning of that decade was the start of the dark night. It was setting the stage for what was to come. Through the mid-1980s I struggled with an inner darkness. I thought there had to be light shining somewhere in there; in truth I was fooling myself since I was looking for answers in my own understanding. I was refusing to allow the spirit touch my soul, although I knew that I wanted it.

My drinking expanded. It was a classic binge drinking pattern. It was easy to binge when I was away from home. I would go to conferences and hide in my room at night. I would visit friends in New York and make sure I had enough to drink when I was alone in what I called my “monk’s cell” in their apartment. I would walk the streets of New York with loneliness in the midst of eight million people. I was lost in my own darkness and unable to see the dark night St. John talked about.

Until finally, in late 1988 I had my own epiphany. I had become an alcoholic. I needed help. I entered treatment. Part of me expected it to be an escape. It turned into freedom. I thought it would be a way out of the inner hell I had created. Instead it became a way through that hell. It was a true dark night for in reality the night that John describes is an awareness of- and acceptance of- powerlessness and personal unmanageability in all areas of one’s life. Which is, of course, the First Step of Alcoholics Anonymous. I wouldn’t have used the words from John’s first stanza at that time. I do now!

On a dark night,
Kindled in love with yearnings
--oh, happy chance!--
I went forth without being observed,
My house being now at rest.

John describes this first stanza of the dark night as purging the lower self- the sensual self. In my years of sobriety and work as a substance abuse counselor, I would say that this is a good way to describe the work of the first three steps of AA. That purging or “housecleaning” is then described in steps four through nine. It is necessary. Most addicts and alcoholics have been hijacked by the senses and feelings of the “pleasure center” of the brain. Or rather, their chemical use has hijacked that area and turned their lives into hell. There is a constant search in the bottle or the pills, the weed or the next line, to get rid of the thoughts and feelings that seem to never go away.

—Oh, happy chance!— 

 that I was able to go forth and discover, in the midst of darkness, the light that shines in that darkness.

I could spend many days putting the dark night and early recovery together, which is not the purpose of this particular series. When I started this discussion of the dark night and how I have come to approach the current political and cultural issue I did not expect it to go this direction. I did not- and do not- have the whole thing outlined and ready for “prime time.” It is through my times of writing that these things work out. As I wrote the first two posts I realized that, for me, this is part of a longer and more profound journey. In putting this together I am describing my pilgrimage and its present location. I do not believe that this is unique to me. The language I use in the telling is mine but the experiences are far more common than not.

Within the next week we will have a new president. The divisiveness, anger, fear, and even hatred shown in the campaign and transition period was what spurred this series. There are times when I see a post on Facebook or a news story about some particularly difficult event that I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Anxiety builds; darkness seems to be more prevalent. It doesn’t appear as if that is going away any time soon. For today, and at least the next few weeks, the question is how do I live and grow through this? The Dark Night remains the best paradigm for me to work from.

In the next post I will delve more deeply into the path the dark night takes us on. John is very clear about what that is and why. I will utilize my experience of the Twelve Steps in that, but it is not about alcoholism or addiction. It is about the spiritual journey. John states that the goal of this journey into the dark night is

the state of the perfect, which is that of the Divine union of the soul with God.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that the purpose of the twelve Steps is the same, though in different words-

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps… and to practice these principles in all our affairs. [emphasis added]