Tuning Slide 4.47- Being Free #3

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way.
If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

Jim Rohn

Two weeks ago I started a series based on a blog post at Planet of Success by Steve Mueller. It is about 10 powerful ways to free yourself if you are stuck. I took the concepts and riffed on them from my own experiences in the last 8-10 years to overcome self-defeating attitudes that kept me from changing and growing in my trumpet playing. Here are the themes of the previous two weeks:

1. Face your fears
2. Break your routine
3. Effect change, one step at a time
4. Overcome the perception of impossibilities
5. Be honest with yourself
6. Change your perspective

This week we will look at four more. And as always, my thoughts are in italics.

7. Differentiate between feeling and fact
✓ The inability to get unstuck may feel very real, but in the end, it’s just a feeling. And this very feeling creates our perception of the situation. For this reason, it’s important to remind yourself that feelings are not facts.

Try to look at your situation more objectively. Emotional responses might cloud your perception of reality.

Feelings… or facts? Most of the time we are willing to base our “facts” on “feelings”, even if we think they are really, truly, honestly, facts. Since I have been using my Memorial Day experience from high school as the basis of my “facts” it was hard to say that I was going on feelings. It was a clearly obvious “fact” that first, I am not as good a trumpet player as I like to think I am, and second, that I am bad at auditions. Just look at the visible signs of that on that Memorial Day and then when I didn’t get into the college marching band after a poor audition.

But the facts were different. I was not a less skilled trumpet player because I had problems with Taps on that holiday. It may be that I was careless, or just plain human and capable of error, but skill? No way. Blowing the audition surely showed I let things go downhill when faced with pressure. Never mind that they most likely had enough trumpets and didn’t need a freshman- I was simply not good enough I told me. The fact was I could do it, in both situations, but for the next few decades, you couldn’t have convinced me- until I found some facts and began to move forward. Unstuck.

8. Avoid blaming others
✓ It’s relatively easy to blame others when we feel stuck. While this is a great strategy to maintain peace of mind, it will contribute nothing to the solution of your problem.

Even though you’d like to find an external cause for your situation, try to seek that cause within yourself first. Try to take control over your life by not seeking the fault for your problems in others.

I didn’t face this issue in my situation with my music. I knew it was all my fault and therefore I couldn’t do it. But it is a difficult issue to face. We can always find someone else to blame. I could have blamed the tiredness of having marched to the cemetery for my error; I could have said that the person doing my audition was too intimidating; I could have said they didn’t know what they were doing. That might have prevented some of the attitudes I developed, but they would have kept me stuck because once it happens, it will happen again. The next time it will be because they did it. No matter how you look at it, getting stuck is still getting stuck.

9. Stop comparing yourself to others
✓ While we think we compare ourselves in an objective manner, quite the contrary is the case…. In most situations, we take our weakest spots and compared these with people who are above-average in this area.

If you’re feeling stuck in life, try not to measure your life’s worth based on other people’s accomplishments. Measure your life based upon your own standards. Don’t just mindlessly adopt society’s definition of success, find your very own.

You can always find someone who has different, more, or even greater skills than you do. If I always compare myself to Maynard, Miles, or Doc, I will always fall short. Therefore I am not good enough. It’s an old saying that the only person to compare yourself to is you- yesterday. Have you improved since yesterday? If you haven’t, then do something different- the whole gist of this series on getting unstuck. These ways of getting unstuck are really just ways to change our perspective and find the new ways to see what you or I have done and can do. If playing as good as Doc or Miles is the measure of success, forget it. None of us would ever be successful. But stop- what if Miles had said, I can’t be as good as Satchmo? How much poorer the music world would be.

10. Stop making excuses
✓ Excuses keep us from moving forward in life.
Don’t focus on all the different reasons that keep you stuck. Shift your attention to what needs to be done to effect positive change.

That pretty much sums it up! Make the change.

Mueller then completes the 10 steps with the call to do it yourself:

In the end, the only one that is holding you back is yourself. Do not fall prey to the mistake of focusing all your attention on lousy excuses. Look for the steps you can take that will get you out of your situation.

Get past the excuses this week. Take one more step and make a move. It’s not as hard as it feels- or we make it out to be.