Tuning Slide 4.48- Being Free- Gratitude

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?
– Danielle LaPorte

Three weeks ago I started a series based on a blog post at Planet of Success. It is about 10 powerful ways to free yourself if you are stuck. I took the concepts and riffed on them from my own experiences in the last 8-10 years to overcome self-defeating attitudes that kept me from changing and growing in my trumpet playing. Here are the 10 themes of the previous three weeks:

1. Face your fears
2. Break your routine
3. Effect change, one step at a time
4. Overcome the perception of impossibilities
5. Be honest with yourself
6. Change your perspective
7. Differentiate between feeling and fact
8. Avoid blaming others
9. Stop comparing yourself to others
10. Stop making excuses

But I said there were 10, what gives? Well, the post actually gave 11 ways to set yourself free. That means there is one more to go- and perhaps the most important in the long run.

But first I want to tell you about two incidents within the past week that gives added impetus to what I have been writing about. The first was last Monday evening at Big Band practice. As we were putting the chairs and stands away one of the other trumpet players, who is a regular reader of this blog and knows my story, gave me a big smile and said to me, “When I started that solo in one of the songs, my horn was full of water. I bet you never even noticed.” He was referring to my story from that Memorial Day fifty-some years ago when water in my horn embarrassed me and started the long road to try to rebuild my self-confidence.

No, I hadn’t even noticed- as probably no one fifty years ago did, either. Thanks, Steve, for the reminder that I am my own worst enemy at times.

The second event built on it and was at community band on Thursday evening, the last rehearsal before the concert this past Saturday. There were only four of our six trumpets there due to schedule conflicts. That meant that each of us was a little more on our own than usual. It also meant that we were each often almost playing solo parts. On one piece I was the only 1st trumpet. Anyone who has followed this blog knows that when that happens I easily tense up, muscles contract, my brain seems to misfire, and Self One says, “You really think you can do that?”

Well, I knew all the music very well, I took some breaths, relaxed, and let Self Two tell Self One to be quiet, that yes, I really know I can do this. And I did- as did all of us. For one of the first times in any of the groups I play in at home, I was confident and relaxed. Did I make mistakes? Sure- that’s one of the purposes of rehearsals- to figure out where the weaknesses are and fix them.

So with all that for a long example, I come to the last of the things that Steve Mueller outlined for getting unstuck in that article. It may, in the long run, be the most important interaction between our music and our life:

11. Be grateful for what you have
✓ We sometimes feel as if we’re not moving forward when we think we haven’t yet accomplished enough in life. As a result, we’re quite frustrated about our situation. If we do not succeed as much as we desire, it can feel as if we’re stuck in life.

Developing the habit of being grateful can help you to ease the feeling of being stuck. It helps us to rediscover what is beautiful about our life. Gratitude can also enable us to find what makes our life worth living. As a positive side effect, we spent a lot less time chasing evermore. Instead, we learn to find joy and fulfillment in everything we already have.

Ultimately, this is the way to truly relieve yourself from the feeling of not being able to move on. So take yourself some time to count your blessings. Appreciate everything you’ve been given.

Gratitude is something we often overlook in our music as well as in our daily lives. Gratitude works with parts of the brain that produces dopamine, the “feel good” brain chemical. Because you get that feel good reward you are then learning to do that same thing again. It becomes a cycle of doing the right things and finding the reasons to be grateful.

It takes practice, of course, to become better at seeing and responding with gratitude. It is a skill, one that is essential to our positive health and growth. Keep a gratitude journal, say thank you to people, feel the joy of music, be grateful for the ability to play music and then let it move through you.

I went home last Thursday after rehearsal grateful and flying high. It felt good to be able to do what I needed to do. It felt good to know I am capable and have skills. It felt good to know for the first time in some ways that I am no longer as stuck as I thought I was. It is time to move forward.

Did that carry over to the concert?

You bet it did! Gratitude and experience reinforced each other. I do have to admit that it wasn’t as good as Thursday evening. But I also know why- and will be working on it. But the confidence and greater willingness to let Self Two do his thing were there. It is, after all, progress - not perfection and I am progressing!

Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind.
— Lionel Hampton