Sunday, July 24, 2011

You Never Know What You Don't Know

Especially about the future. Then the future sneaks up on you and it all changes. Back in June I mentioned that I was having some lower leg and lower back issues going on. They sent me for tests, MRIs, X-rays, EMGs, vascular checkup. Then a week ago I went to the spine clinic for all the information to be put into a coherent package followed by an appointment with the neurosurgeon who worked on me 2 1/2 years ago.

Somewhere in the depths of my brain I knew that it was not as good as I was hoping it would be. Little hints were there. The one doctor's response to a new reflex in my right leg wasn't encouraging. So after one more MRI (this time in the cervical spine) we have determined that it will be time for more surgery. In fact, probably two surgeries- one lumbar, the other cervical.

Fortunately the cervical is mostly asymptomatic at this point and isn't expected to go south over the next few months. He did warn me, though, that if there is a significant shift I should be in touch immediately. It looks like the lumbar surgery will most likely be in late September and the cervical in January.

I have been bummed all week. Just at the point where I am really working on getting into good shape, my weight is dropping(!!) and all kinds of fun things lie ahead, it's back to the operating room. I am probably going through a grief reaction- losing something that I have been working at getting- and then having to build all over again.

So I have once again, as always, found myself sitting back at that First Step- powerlessness. I am doing what I can do, and trying to let the rest up to God. I am realizing again(!) that there are more things in the world that I can't control than I can. That even includes significant parts of my own life. In the end that is all I can admit to, let it go, and then see what all this can mean.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

1 comment:

Acedog said...

Sorry to hear of your pending surgeries. Difficult at "our" age to think of starting over, yet we start over everyday (every moment, actually). I trust in your capacity for faith, knowing of the comfort there, and wish you well.