Tuning Slide 4.51- Bloom Where (and Who) You Are (from Year 1)

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

(I'm taking four weeks off from new posts while I do a number of things, not all related to this blog. On these four weeks I will be posting some from the very first year of The Tuning Slide. Some of it will be to refresh my thoughts, and some of it will just ground what I am doing in the purposes of the blog. This one was post #1.7 on 10/14/2015. It was posted right after I had met Herb Alpert after a local concert.)

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Blow your life through your horn.

Arturo Sandoval

One could ask, who else's life could you blow through the horn? Well, sadly, many times we try to be something or someone we are not. We can have role models, but we can't be them. We can wish for other times or places, but we only have what we have in front of us. Here's my "back story" for this post.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost 50 years ago I attended my first professional, big-time concert. It was August 1966 and I had just graduated from high school. I had been playing trumpet for almost four years, had achieved first chair status the previous year, and played in a local "garage band" that covered Tijuana Brass music.

That first concert I ever went to was at the Allentown Fair in Allentown, PA, and featured my hero- Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. (Sergio Mendez and Brazil '66 opened for them with their lead singer, Lani Hall.) I was in heaven.

A few months later the TJB came out with their seventh album, S.R.O. and there, on the back was a picture taken at that concert!

Jump ahead by these past 49 years and 2 months. (Now almost 53 years) That 18-year old trumpeter (me) is now a
67- [70] year old trumpeter, probably better than I ever was. The trumpet player on-stage is now an 80-year old trumpet player with a new album just released and in the middle of a concert tour.

Both of us are still playing, Lani Hall, now his wife, is still singing... and I had the pleasure and exciting honor of attending their concert and meeting him two weeks ago at Rochester's Riverside Live! Concert series.

Herb Alpert is also better than ever.

While this is not a review of the show, I will say that it was amazing and far more than would be expected. His ability at the trumpet is outstanding and his sense of music-making is better than ever. He plays jazz in a number of different styles, engages the audience in questions and answers, and is having a great time. He is doing this, I am sure, because he likes it. Music is his life and he needs to share it, on-stage, with others. He doesn't need to do this- he likes doing it.

That's part of the "who" of Herb Alpert. He tips his hat to the music that made him famous with a medley of TJB music, but that's not the highlight of the show. The Tijuana Brass is who he WAS. Many other artists would capitalize on that old music. Alpert is not interested in that. He wants to entertain with who he IS.

He capitalizes on his skill and the ability to do what he does with style and professionalism. He is not a "screaming" trumpet player. He takes the horn and makes the music that he knows he can make with presence and quality. Within that he uses all the notes of the horn in his solid range. At age 80 he utilizes the wisdom he has acquired over decades of making music to enhance his style and move it forward.

Within the solid range of the trumpet he advances the music as both confident soloist and self-assured leader of the quartet. He plays standards then improvises and innovates. He trades fours with the drummer who moves into an extended solo that Alpert returns to as it falls into place.

That is the "where" of Herb Alpert- the here and now. Someone from the audience asked him who he wished he had played with and he commented that he had the opportunity to play with Miles Davis. But he added that he didn't feel it was right. That wasn't who he was. (I would disagree, but then I am a fan of both of them.)

One can listen to Maynard Ferguson and try to be a "screamer." But without the skill and "chops," doing that will become a disaster. One can try to continually repeat what used to be. That, too, wouldn't work.

Being real- being oneself- is what life is really all about. It shows up on the trumpet, but it also shows up at home in our families and at work with colleagues as well as in whatever we try to do on a daily basis. If I try to be someone I cannot be- or someone I once was- it will not be real.

Who am I?

Where am I in my life's growth?

How can I use my here and now skills and resources to keep moving forward into whatever comes next?

Answer those questions- every day. Seek to build on where you were yesterday, moving into where you want to be tomorrow, by doing what you can do today!

I sat in humility watching and listening to Alpert, but he also encouraged me by still doing what he does better than ever.

We do not stop innovating because we have gotten older. We do not stop improving what we can do because we don't have the same skills as someone else. We can each find our place regardless of age, skill, or time.

If you are young, take heart that youhaven't reach the pinnacle of what you can be. Keep at it. What does Herb Alpert do when he is not on a concert tour or on days he performs? He does scales. The simple, basic building blogs of all that we do. Scales. (I am sure he does a lot of other things, too, but he builds that on the basics.)

So, Herb Alpert, thank you for growing and still performing, clearly enjoying life and taking time to greet me and remind me what life is all about.

Overcoming Inertia

A body in motion tends to stay in motion;

a body at rest tends to stay at rest.

-- Newton's First Law of Motion

Yep, been there, done that! In fact my life in "semi-retirement" has been a cycle that illustrates this. Take this year.

January through March was our annual trip to the Gulf coast. While there I do a great deal of, well, resting. I don't want to call it "nothing." I practice my trumpet, go to band rehearsal, take sunset (and other) pictures, edit many pictures, and read. That isn't nothing, but it's at an easy pace, relaxed, healing, renewing.

In April I came home and got into the motion routine. More band rehearsals, no longer doing the picture editing but moving around to different events. And back to work, full-time! Get up at 6:30, go to work, come home around 5:00. Trips to music camps and a great festival in North Carolina. My daughter got married. It was not the easy, relaxed, renewing pace of the first three months.

In both those parts of the cycle I was minimally focused on some things I had wanted to be doing. After going back to work, it was even more difficult. Several significant projects were placed way on the back burner.

At the end of August the full-time work came to a halt, though I am still working part-time.  In the midst of that came several unexpected concerns that distracted my attention and added tension to the situation. Now all I seem to want to do is stay at rest. Everything seems to take an extra effort. Facebook nerding became a default. But the nightly reading was the great pull of the past few weeks. (That had kept up during the full-time cycle. I am not sure I would have made it if it hadn't.)

There is a clause missing in what I put at the top of the page. The motion or rest will continue:

unless an outside force acts on it,

So here I sit at my "office/coffee shop" trying to get moving.I can't seem to find that outside force to move me. So I start writing with no goal in mind other than to write about what is in front of me. As I write I let the words flow and the fingers to respond. As I do so there is a bit of free-flow of ideas that goes on under the surface.

For some reason I feel more tired than usual. Yes, that does happen from time to time. This one, though seems a little more difficult. I have a hunch that there are a couple different factors that keep the outside force from acting.

I just passed by 70th birthday. Yes, that is one of those significant decades. There have also been a couple of times when what I call "mortality" issues have cropped up in myself and other family members. I am also coming up on the 30th anniversary of my sobriety- an almost unbelievable number.

As a result I have become more aware of the issue of aging. Which leads to the obvious question:

What now?

Well, one of the answers to that is to come back to writing. So far that has taken more energy than I expected, but at least I am doing some of it.

Another is to go with the flow. My wife and I are going to be doing a number of fun things over the next month- concerts and plays. We are taking the time to continue to enjoy each other's presence. That is precious and essential.

Maybe it is also time to slow down more and smell more roses.

Over the years, I realize, I have faced this a number of different times. Which is part of life. Which is why I am writing this. To remind myself and do it publicly to make it more difficult to ignore.

So after these words and a half hour of writing I am at least for the moment off square one. It is always about taking the first step to get away from where you are to where you can be.

Tuning Slide 3.47

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize we only have one.
— Tom Hiddleston

As many of you may know from following this blog over the past three years, I am (sort of) retired from my “day job.” For the past 4+ years I have been part-time at my “second career” as an addictions counselor. When I started out in my “first career” as a minister (at age 25) I would see “older, retired” pastors continuing to preach and take appointments at churches. I would shake my head in disbelief. “Why don’t they retire and enjoy life?” I would ask myself. “Relax. Life is too short to keep working.”

Now, forty-some years later, I am still working at my current career. Why doesn’t he just retire and enjoy life? After all, it is too short.

Several years ago I met Herb Alpert, now in his 80s, and still performing.
Last year I met Doc Severinsen, now in his 90s, and still performing.
We had a local doctor featured in a news article who is still active and working in his 90s.

Nobody is saying they should retire and enjoy life, that life is too short.

It is because they enjoy what they do! The old saying that if you love your work you will never work a day in your life may be an exaggeration, but the truth is in there! I can’t speak for the others mentioned, but I do know that is true for me. It is true when I get the opportunity to preach and it is true every day I go in to work as a counselor.

I am having fun. I love it. It is not the only thing I do with my time, either. I write, and read, and ride my bike. And I play trumpet. I am having fun. I love it!

There have been a couple times in my life when the truth of the opening quote above came home to me. I realized as a teenager when faced with family deaths that life is short and not guaranteed. I learned at mid-life when I faced some personal issues of addiction that life is precious and much too important to be unhappy. I am, of course, one of the fortunate ones who has had the means and opportunities to do what I love. Not everyone has that. But many of us do have the ability to look at life from a different angle. Many of us can choose to look at the opportunities instead of the barriers. We can make a decision to make the most of what we have and run with it.

When we truly do realize that the life is the only one we have and that it should have direction and hope and meaning, we have begun to do this life in greater fullness. That is what this Tuning Slide is all about. The interplay of life and music. If you love making music and playing it with others, you will be happy doing it. If it is a chore, work that is done simply because it’s there, you will not be making heartfelt music to the extent you are able.

We can use all kinds of words to describe this- passion, intensity, joy, wonder, awe. Yes, there are days when I say, “The hell with it. I’ll take the day off from the routine.” But I know that will not make me feel joy or wonder or passion. Maybe some guilt, or remorse that I didn’t practice when I could. Which is why I haven’t miss a day in over 14 months now. Because I have learned that when I go to my practice room and play that middle staff “G”, holding it and then moving through the long tones, my life will feel better- and be better.

Now I am not as good at this in other areas as I would like to be. I am working on it. Doing a daily or weekly exercise regimen has been harder than the music. I say that it’s because it takes more time- driving there, exercising, showering, driving home- but it is more than that. I don’t (yet) have the passion for it. I know I can do it- I do it every day with my trumpet. So I know I can do it with exercise.

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.
— Denis Waitley

Am I willing to take the risks involved in enjoying l life and living it to its fullest? Am I willing to take the time needed? Am I willing to do the work to prepare and expand what I can do? Am I willing to make choices between things that I like and things that give me joy and are filled with my passion? Working well into the “retirement years” is one of those. So is my research and writing. And it is definitely true with my trumpet.

What is the risk? Well, I may have to make decisions- choices- that could be difficult. I may have to be better at budgeting and managing my time and daily schedule. I may have to be more intentional about not staring aimlessly at post after post on Facebook. I may have to be more responsible about my life and relationships, making sure that things happen as and when they should.

Most of the risks we face in life are of this type. They are not “dangerous” but they can be uncomfortable. They may have us discover uncomfortable things about ourselves.

For some of us taking the risk of moving beyond our musical comfort zones is huge. We have to face our insecurities and self-esteem worries. We may realize we need more work or practice. We may find that we aren’t the best musician in the band- or even the section.

Take the risk- play the music. Be you! It is the only life you have- and you are the only you there is. Live it!

Song for the week from the wonderful people at Playing for Change:

3.29- The Tuning Slide: The Goal- Making Theory into Reality

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be.
Now put the foundations under them.
— Henry David Thoreau

First, here is the note from the board at last year's workshop to start us off:

✓ Taking the theoretical and making it real.

Let me play with these words for a while. I promise you that if it doesn’t work out, you are not reading this. Or whatever. Seriously, I do want to play word doodling here with the whole idea of that quote. What are the steps of moving from theory to reality?

So let’s set the parameter:

• Theory- an idea that something can be done.
• Reality- doing it.

It is obvious, then, that there is:

• Issue #1- what do I want to have happen?

The answer to that is found by asking myself:

What’s important to me?
Where do I want to go?

I may not even have an idea about what the “theory” is that I am going to try to make into reality. It is vague, it is uncertain. One could call it nebulous, which is another way of saying cloudy and indistinct.

At this point it’s all in my head. It is not even truly a dream.

I take myself back to my first Shell Lake trumpet workshop 2 1/2 years ago. I went because I sensed something would be there after meeting Bob Baca at the Adult Big Band Workshop. Was it my 50+ year experience of being a musician and being able to play music? Was it a sense that maybe I can improve? Most likely it was these things based in what has been an unending part of my life: music.

While at Shell Lake I had an experience that told me, in theory, that I can do something with my trumpet playing, even at age 67. I can move beyond the relatively mediocre but somewhat experienced musician I was. The theory was:

At age 67 I can become a better trumpet player.

Visions and dreams are nice, but they remain nothing if we don’t do something about them. So the next stage, though not a particularly clear one for me at that point was what I call:

• Self-testing in thought experiments.
  
  • If I do this, what could happen?
  • What are the pros and cons?
  • What are the steps I will need to take?

NEXT is to do some:

• Research and planning.

The research was right there in front of me at the workshop in Mr. Baca and all the staff. I took crazy notes. I exhausted myself with thoughts and answers. I overwhelmed my thinking processes with new ideas. I listened and asked questions. If I was to find out if the theory was possible, if it could become a reality, I had to have a plan, which was also right in front of me-

• The Bill Adam Routine!
  
  • It was a daily plan to get me started. It was the long tones and thirds, the expanding Clarke #1 and Schlossberg #28. It was making a commitment to playing as often as I could, missing as little as possible. Let’s see what happens, was my philosophy. It can’t hurt- and might actually work.

Which led to

• Action

I did what I said I was going to do.

• Month 1- Easy: I practiced 87% of the month. I was psyched.
• Month 2- a lot of travel and I was not ready to figure out how to practice on the road. Only 15 out of 30 days.
• Month 3- Back in gear. 84% of the month.
• By the end of December- 90% with an overall average of 3 out of 4 days practicing or playing.
• Next two months at 78%, then no month since then under 87%.
• At end of 12 months and returning to Trumpet Workshop: I had practiced and/or played my trumpet on 9 out of 10 days.

Did it work?
Yep. I was getting comments from friends. My wife noticed the improvement. I was building endurance. And Mr. Baca pointed out how much I had changed!

That meant it was time for the next two steps:

• Reflection
• Repeat the process with new goals, new theories to work on, new research to do, new plans to make.

Other goals I have worked on include learning the 12 major scales (without using music), expanding range, learning improvisation, being more intentional about my practice planning.

So, as a trumpet player who has visions of Doc and Maynard floating through his head, here is a new theory to explore:

Is it possible for a now 69 year old experienced trumpet player who is no longer quite as mediocre to build upper register range?

I have never had a range above the staff. If I did in high school, over 50 years ago now, I don’t remember it. I avoided high parts. I would break into a nervous sweat if it went above that “G” on top of the staff and only agree to play that piece with that in it early in a performance. Sure, the “A” above that was somewhat reachable, but only when the gods and weather systems worked together.

Do I need to be able to play up there?
Not if I am playing mostly 3rd and 4th with an occasional 2nd here and there. And if I build enough endurance I could probably, in a pinch, get up to the “B”. But if I want to do any 1st parts, or even interesting improvising, I need to at least be comfortable up there. One friend said that, in essence, your “usable range” is actually about a third lower than your upper note. That meant that my “usable range” was that top space “E” and top line “F”.

That was not good enough for me anymore. But is it possible, at my age, to do that? Hence the research, planning, and action model. I found some of my notes from what Mr. Baca had said about playing the high notes the same way you play the lower ones (simplified, I know.) I took a lesson with Bill Bergren at this past year’s workshop and learned how to start all over again. (Yep! Thanks again, Bill, in all sincerity!) I did some Googling on the Internet. And I started working on it.

As of today, my actual range is now “F” to “F” sharp on the ledger lines above the staff!! My effective range is now up to “C” and “D” above the staff. (I’m still not sure what they are officially called.) I finally broke through a barrier/break that I didn’t know was there but hit every time- the “G-A-B” above the staff. It is a real break in playing and takes time. I didn’t know that before doing the research. In finding that out I realized it wasn’t my inability to play it that was the problem. It was an actual physical and mental thing together. Now I go sailing right through it. I think I have found another one (for me anyway) from “D-E-F” above that.

And I am working on it.

In short, without the whole process and being far more intentional (and less intense!) about it, the more fun it has become. The result is that I am a better musician, trumpet player, and human person, as a result of finding these things about myself.

Truly we can take the theoretical and make it real. It doesn’t happen overnight and we all work at our own pace. But it does work. At the 2nd trumpet workshop I said to my friend Jeff as we looked at the music- I don’t think I will ever play up there in that register above the above the staff High “C”.

I had to apologize for lying to him. He laughed and encouraged me to keep at it.

Keep researching, keep planning, keep the actions moving.

The Tuning Slide: 3-8- Lifelong Learning

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.
-Mahatma Gandhi

Every year two things happen with education and learning. Every summer about this time we hear that “School’s Back.” Every spring we hear that “School’s Out.” And every spring I react the same way:
I hope not. I hope NEVER!

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
-Daniel Boorstin

I had another good example of this recently. As many of you know, I have been playing trumpet for over 55 years. I have no memory of having learned how to play the trumpet. It happened in a different world to a person far different from the one writing this blog. In my mind I have always played trumpet even though I was in 8th grade when I started. Playing trumpet has been second nature. Or was until Shell Lake Trumpet Workshop in 2015 when in a few moments of instruction, Bob Baca, workshop director, taught me something I didn’t even know I needed to know. I started changing how I practiced and how I saw trumpet playing. An amazing transformation has been at work.

Fast forward two years to this year’s workshop. For a couple months I have been aware that perhaps my embouchure needed some fine-tuning. I seemed stuck on a couple things so maybe it was something about my embouchure. I had been working on that in my practicing. I need to point out that until then I didn’t know that it might be something I needed to do. I’ve “always” played like this. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

I went to this year’s workshop with an openness to get some expert advice and instruction- to be “teachable” as I talked about last week. I signed up for a lesson with Bill Bergren whose opinions and approach to the trumpet have always impressed me as anyone who has read this blog before knows. So I went in for my lesson having previously told him what was going on.

We sat down and what did he do but start at the beginning. No, not the beginning of the lesson but the beginning of trumpet playing, just a few steps beyond “This is a trumpet.” I had watched Bill teaching a non-trumpet player how to play that morning. Here he was using THE SAME techniques on me, someone who has been playing for over 55 years. (Hear the arrogance? It was covering the lack of confidence I was feeling at that moment.)

At first I did everything but say “But, Bill, you don’t understand. My situation is different.” I started to get frustrated. “But Bill..”

“Just do it, Barry.”
“Breathe this way.”
“Blow like you’re cooling hot soup.”
“Sing it first.”

He wasn’t working directly on my embouchure, he was working on my breathing. He was working on how I put the trumpet to my lips. He was working on how I thought about playing this instrument that I thought I knew how to play. He was helping me set my embouchure.

Back to basics to learn what I didn’t know I didn’t know. It took a few minutes for me to relax and realize he was doing exactly what he knew I needed. I relaxed a little as I struggled with something I thought I knew how to do. I kept listening and attempting to do what he suggested. I worked on turning off Self One. That’s the part that wanted logical how-to instructions.

“But, Bill, how do I…?”

“Let Self Two just do it.”

We made a little progress, but time was up. I went back to the rehearsal room and tried some of Bill’s techniques. They sort of worked. I went back to my room and worked on it some more. The next morning as I started my daily routine I applied them some more. They began to happen- after some frustrated mumbling, of course.

They have a way to go yet, but now, a few weeks later, I am seeing the results.

Amazing.

We humans are not dogs! You can teach an old human new tricks. At one point I asked Bill, “How do you break a 55-year old habit?”

He quickly came back with the most common answer that has been around for the past 50 years. It comes from the book Psycho Cybernetics which says that it takes a minimum of 21 days! That’s how long the old mental images take to fade and to be replaced by something new. A lot of all this is changing how we see ourselves. If we believe we are too old to learn something new- we won’t learn anything new.

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t,
you are right.
-Henry Ford

More recent research emphasizes the “minimum” part of the 21-day rule. The more complex a habit, the longer it takes to replace it. It is meant to be more difficult to break a habit. It helps us run on autopilot when we need to. It is what Self Two runs on! In general, though, I know I have to be working on this for at least 21 days before it begins to become more habitual.

So far it’s been 14 days. And it is happening! Self Two is beginning to be in charge of how I set my lips to play- relaxed and ready to simply breathe out. I now believe I can do it differently. In fact I am at the point where I have to stop and think about how I used to do it. A sure sign that things are moving in a new direction.

It doesn’t matter what it is we are trying to do differently. Part of our success will be in our ability to visualize the new way. It may be getting the right note in our head before we play it; it might be in taking time to exercise or practice or eat healthier food. It isn’t willpower, it’s habit.

Learning is not a part-time experience nor is it simply what happens in schools. If that was the extent of learning, we would be a far poorer people and our individual lives would be quite dull. There are people who do stop trying to learn. They become satisfied with where they believe they are or that they have nothing new to learn. The past two years for me have shown that even in something as ingrained as my trumpet playing was, it can change and grow.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.
Anyone who keeps learning stays young.
The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.
-Henry Ford

School’s Out?
No way. I have too much to learn.

The Tuning Slide: 2.22- You Gotta Have Grit

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

“Grit is about working on something you care about so much that you’re willing to stay loyal to it.”
“It’s doing what you love. I get that.”
“Right, it’s doing what you love, but not just falling in love—staying in love.”
(Grit, p. 53)

Back in November I did some posts on “deliberate practice” as one of the most significant keys to developing skills. It isn’t 10,000 hours, it's how you spend those 10,000 hours. That was taken from the book, Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool. They clearly believe- and can show- that there is not such a thing as “natural talent. It takes work- and lots of it.

Another book from last year takes this to a different level. Angela Duckworth, in her book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance asks the excellent next question. “How do you stay motivated to practice all those hours?” Ericsson and Pool raised the same issue when they noted that this “deliberate practice” is not always fun or easy. You have to keep working at it. Duckworth digs deeply into what she calls “grit.”

Like Ericsson and Pool she demythologizes “natural talent.

Nietzsche said. “For if we think of genius as something magical, we are not obliged to compare ourselves and find ourselves lacking. . . . To call someone ‘divine’ means: ‘here there is no need to compete.’  In other words, mythologizing natural talent lets us all off the hook." (Grit, pp. 43-44)

Great quote, and right on target. I can never be as good as [fill in the blank] because they have natural talent. Even trumpet players, known for our supposedly over-sized egos, may try to imitate Doc, Miles, or Maynard, “but you know- those guys had natural talent. I can never do what they do.”

Malarkey Nietzsche says. As do Ericsson and Duckworth and many others. There may be other reasons why we may not end up at the level of the greats, but natural talent isn’t one of them.

After showing her reasons why she doesn’t accept “natural talent, Duckworth went on to study “grit”, stick-to-itiveness, motivation in many different areas. When she got to music she affirmed Ericsson’s ideas. She then lists four barriers, “buzz-killers” she calls them, that keep us from sticking to the long haul.

“I’m bored.”
“The effort isn’t worth it.”
“This isn’t important to me.”
“I can’t do this, so I might as well give up.” (Grit, p. 80)

I don’t know about you, but any one of those can- and does- crop up on a much too regular basis. These are the questions raised by the inner voice that tells us we aren’t good enough or that fears failing. In the book The Inner Game of Music, Barry Green calls this voice Self 1. It is the voice of interference. On the other hand there is Self 2, the voice of our talents, abilities, desires, grace. The trick is giving Self 2 the go-ahead and bringing Self 1 along. Duckworth then writes (with my comments in between):

…the research reveals the psychological assets that mature paragons of grit have in common. There are four. They counter each of the buzz-killers listed above, and they tend to develop, over the years, in a particular order.

First comes interest. Passion begins with intrinsically enjoying what you do. Every gritty person I’ve studied can point to aspects of their work they enjoy less than others, and most have to put up with at least one or two chores they don’t enjoy at all. Nevertheless, they’re captivated by the endeavor as a whole. With enduring fascination and childlike curiosity, they practically shout out, “I love what I do!”

I love the phrase enduring fascination and childlike curiosity. Remember last week and the discussion on mindfulness? This fascination and curiosity is part of what we are building when we practice mindfulness. (By the way, how are you doing at developing that? Just thought I’d ask.) Not everything we do is exciting and adrenaline producing (think- long tones.) There are aspects of every job that are mundane and, yes, boring. But there is that initial interest. Don’t lose it. Stay mindful

Next comes the capacity to practice. One form of perseverance is the daily discipline of trying to do things better than we did yesterday. So, after you’ve discovered and developed interest in a particular area, you must devote yourself to the sort of focused, full-hearted, challenge-exceeding-skill practice that leads to mastery. You must zero in on your weaknesses, and you must do so over and over again, for hours a day, week after month after year. To be gritty is to resist complacency. ““Whatever it takes, I want to improve!” is a refrain of all paragons of grit, no matter their particular interest, and no matter how excellent they already are.

For some of us the capacity to practice may be greater than for others. If you have a 40-hour a week job, you won’t be able to put in four hours of practice every day. But there has to be a discipline of doing it- and seeking to do it better than the day before. This goes on month after month. There are days when we don’t want to pick up that horn and go through the routine. But I have never met anyone who was sorry they did when they finished.

Third is purpose. What ripens passion is the conviction that your work matters. For most people, interest without purpose is nearly impossible to sustain for a lifetime. It is therefore imperative that you identify your work as both personally interesting and, at the same time, integrally connected to the well-being of others. For a few, a sense of purpose dawns early, but for many, the motivation to serve others heightens after the development of interest and years of disciplined practice. Regardless, fully mature exemplars of grit invariably tell me, “My work is important—both to me and to others.”

Why am I doing this? I am sixty-eight years old. I will never be at the level of my trumpet heroes. Why is it important for me to get out that horn and practice every day? If I was just doing it for my ego reward of sitting in my practice room and hitting a high C on a regular basis, I would soon lose interest. Even (finally) being able to play Al Hirt’s Java never kept me going. But ever since I have been playing in groups- concert bands, big bands, a quintet- I have begun to (re)discover the joy of playing for others, of watching an audience respond, and yes, the ego reward of playing more challenging music. I may never play the Charlier etude in public, but it gives me the skill to play Copland or Gabrieli.

And, finally, hope. Hope is a rising-to-the-occasion kind of perseverance. In this book, I discuss it after interest, practice, and purpose—but hope does not define the last stage of grit. It defines every stage. From the very beginning to the very end, it is inestimably important to learn to keep going even when things are difficult, even when we have doubts. “At various points, in big ways and small, we get knocked down. If we stay down, grit loses. If we get up, grit prevails.” (Grit, pp. 80-82)

Again, a great phrase- hope “defines every stage” of grit. Yes, I have blown solos with the band, or missed entrances with the quintet. Yes, some days my embouchure just doesn’t want to cooperate. Does any of that mean I have reached the end of my skill development? I HOPE not. When I have gone as far as I think I am able to go, grit will lose. I have always wanted to be a skilled musician. Other passions, such as my career vocation, were more important. Now, with time and practice, I have the hope that this dream will continue to be fulfilled.

Could I have done this earlier? Sure, but I wasn’t ready I guess. The old saying- when the student is ready the teacher(s) will appear- is true. I didn’t know it was possible. Now I do. I have lived this way in my vocations, however. Those four things of interest, practice, purpose, and hope led me through over 40 years in my careers of choice. No matter what you or I do for a living, we can apply them there- and in whatever else may be important to us.

Just don’t quit.

Always Study Time

One of the people I know from hanging around the local coffee shop walked in this evening with his books and computer.

Study time,

I said to him.

Always,

he replied.

I am sure he has no idea how true that statement can be. Or perhaps how true that statement should be. As I continue to get older (the only one of the two options I like) I find it more and more interesting to continue to study.

I study politics. I study quantum physics. I study trumpet playing. I study how to publish my own books. I study new ideas in my career field. I study theology. I study new ideas!

I do this through books and magazines, through Podcasts and TV shows, through walking into the library and scanning the new books.

It's endless.

And it's fun.

It keeps me from acting out my oldness by keeping an open mind.

Keep studying. It's worth it.

It Happened Last Week

Actually, not a news review but a personal event. For the first time since I moved into my semi-retirement mode I fond myself saying

I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do.

I remember retired people I have known over the years saying that. I always thought it had to do with chores and "To-do Lists." I didn't ever think that time would seem to be going so fast that I had more things I wanted to do than there was time.

Now I get it.

I have several writing projects that I want to work on. There is the music- practicing, rehearsing, and performing. I haven't had a chance to ride mu bike on any trails and take pictures. My every-other-weekend work schedule seems to be more of a chance to gather my breath.

I will admit that some of the problem does lie in a personality quirk that I have never been totally able to overcome: I am not now, and never have been, a natural-born morning person. Most morning people refuse to believe that anyone can't become a morning person. It is real. Even all the years when I did get up early to go to work or whatever, it was not an easy task. No matter the hours of sleep, that alarm was not a welcome thing. Even getting up early does not automatically translate into early to bed.

But when one has to get up in order to get paid, well, you just do it.

Now I'm not paid to get up early. So I do "waste" some otherwise precious time not getting out of bed early enough. If I could just do that I would have more time to get the things done that aren't getting done. I know all the psychological tricks that I can pull on myself to get me out of bed earlier, but they don't work that easily.

Which means, since I seem unable to motivate that earlier time, I will just have to be satisfied with what does- and doesn't get done. Makes sense. But I will keep trying.

Friends

I have been thinking a lot about old friends in the past year. One reason is the obvious- like me, my old friends are also getting older. A second was brought about by the death of a really special friend last year, a friend from whom I had been disconnected for many years due to distance and changing times and places. I managed to visit him six weeks before he died and I will be grateful for that final opportunity.

Over the years I have made several moves, halfway across the country. We have developed many friendships in these different places. But some of these are hard to maintain over such time and distance.

When one is younger, we don't think about the end of life times. Even when friends die at an early age it doesn't truly register that someday this will be more common. My college roommate died in our mid-20s. Then two of my best high school-era friends (one from my high school and one from Illinois that I had met at a summer program) died of AIDS in our 40s. These were not the rule, however. These were exceptions. Sure, the losses hurt and I grieved. But it didn't spur me as much as it could have to maintain connections.

Maybe being past the mid-point of my 60s and the death of the friend who was truly unique in my and my wife's life got me thinking in new ways. As a result in the past year I have made two really important reconnections. One was with a high school friend and then with my college friend and his wife for whom I was best man at their wedding and he was mine. Both of these relationships were- and are- of the deep and important kind. With my HS friend it was almost 50 years since we last saw each other; with my best man, we have hardly been in contact for over 30 years.

I say that with sadness and deep regret.

Yet I am also aware of the possibilities that still exist. It is odd, though. We suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, get back in touch with each other.  What do we still have in common other than those formative college and young adult years? How have we changed and grown? What if we were friends but that friendship can't be sustained now?

How, in fact, does one even go about that?

We have made a start. It is not rocket science- we keep in contact. We share what we can over the thousand mile distance between us. It's not as easy as keeping in touch with people down the street or in the next state, but I am hoping it can be done. 

The Tuning Slide - Bloom Where (and Who) You Are

Weekly Reflections on Life and Music

Blow your life through your horn.

Arturo Sandoval

One could ask, who else's life could you blow through the horn? Well, sadly, many times we try to be something or someone we are not. We can have role models, but we can't be them. We can wish for other times or places, but we only have what we have in front of us. Here's my "back story" for this post.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost 50 years ago I attended my first professional, big-time concert. It was August 1966 and I had just graduated from high school. I had been playing trumpet for almost four years, had achieved first chair status the previous year, and played in a local "garage band" that covered Tijuana Brass music.

That first concert I ever went to was at the Allentown Fair in Allentown, PA, and featured my hero- Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. (Sergio Mendez and Brazil '66 opened for them with their lead singer, Lani Hall.) I was in heaven.

A few months later the TJB came out with their seventh album, S.R.O. and there, on the back was a picture taken at that concert!

Jump ahead by these past 49 years and 2 months. That 18-year old trumpeter (me) is now a 67-year old trumpeter, probably better than I ever was. The trumpet player on-stage is now an 80-year old trumpet player with a new album just released and in the middle of a concert tour.

Both of us are still playing, Lani Hall, now his wife, is still singing... and I had the pleasure and exciting honor of attending their concert and meeting him two weeks ago here at Rochester's Riverside Live! Concert series.

Herb Alpert is also better than ever.

While this is not a review of the show, I will say that it was amazing and far more than would be expected. His ability at the trumpet is outstanding and his sense of music-making is better than ever. He plays jazz in a number of different styles, engages the audience in questions and answers, and is having a great time. He is doing this, I am sure, because he likes it. Music is his life and he needs to share it, on-stage, with others. He doesn't need to do this- he likes doing it.

That's part of the "who" of Herb Alpert. He tips his hat to the music that made him famous with a medley of TJB music, but that's not the highlight of the show. The Tijuana Brass is who he WAS. Many other artists would capitalize on that old music. Alpert is not interested in that. He wants to entertain with who he IS.

He capitalizes on his skill and the ability to do what he does with style and professionalism. He is not a "screaming" trumpet player. He takes the horn and makes the music that he knows he can make with presence and quality. Within that he uses all the notes of the horn in his solid range. At age 80 he utilizes the wisdom he has acquired over decades of making music to enhance his style and move it forward.

Within the solid range of the trumpet he advances the music as both confident soloist and self-assured leader of the quartet. He plays standards then improvises and innovates. He trades fours with the drummer who moves into an extended solo that Alpert returns to as it falls into place.

That is the "where" of Herb Alpert- the here and now. Someone from the audience asked him who he wished he had played with and he commented that he had the opportunity to play with Miles Davis. But he added that he didn't feel it was right. That wasn't who he was. (I would disagree, but then I am a fan of both of them.)

One can listen to Maynard Ferguson and try to be a "screamer." But without the skill and "chops," doing that will become a disaster. One can try to continually repeat what used to be. That, too, wouldn't work.

Being real- being oneself- is what life is really all about. It shows up on the trumpet, but it also shows up at home in our families and at work with colleagues as well as in whatever we try to do on a daily basis. If I try to be someone I cannot be- or someone I once was- it will not be real.

Who am I?

Where am I in my life's growth?

How can I use my here and now skills and resources to keep moving forward into whatever comes next?

Answer those questions- every day. Seek to build on where you were yesterday, moving into where you want to be tomorrow, by doing what you can do today!

I sat in humility watching and listening to Alpert, but he also encouraged me by still doing what he does better than ever.

We do not stop innovating because we have gotten older.  We do not stop improving what we can do because we don't have the same skills as someone else. We can each find our place regardless of age, skill, or time.

If we are young, take heart that you haven't reach the pinnacle of what you can be. Keep at it. What does Herb Alpert do when he is not on a concert tour or on days he performs? He does scales. The simple, basic building blogs of all that we do. Scales. (I am sure he does a lot of other things, too, but he builds that on the basics.)

So, Herb Alpert, thank you for growing and still performing, clearly enjoying life and taking time to greet me and remind me what life is all about.

Feelings and Transitions and What's Important

It has been a tough week or so. I have found myself in a kind of non-specific cloud of sadness and disquiet. I know exactly what is going on- it is life that is hitting me. It is life and transition and uncertainty and trying to stay focused on the important things.

It starts with making a sudden trip to support my wife's 95-year old aunt who needed surgery and a move to a rehab care facility. The questions of "What next?" and self-care and support are rattling around as I look at this very determined little old woman who has been independent and self-caring her entire life. She hasn't lived with anyone else since her father died over 40 years ago. There is a helplessness as I think about what my wife and I can do to help or support her- from 1,200 miles away.

Then there is knowing that while I am out east I can visit my old and most important friend who is facing significant health issues. We have talked and I know what's going on there. To go visit him is essential and heart-wrenching!

The third thing has been hitting a wall in my writing. There is obviously something I am digging toward in the work and I am hesitating in some ways about finding it.

On the lesser side of the issues, yet surprisingly emotional for me, is the series of TV shows as David Letterman ends his incredible career. I have been watching wistfully each night watching him move toward retirement. Having been in the midst of that myself this past year I have a strong sense of what he is going through. Since he is in my age-cohort, I am also watching the end of my generation's work on late-night TV. That, for me, requires a post all its own. Letterman has been a TV guide/guru/friend for well over 30 years and I am saddened as I am reminded of the incredible passage of time.

Perhaps it is not the "lesser side." It touches on my own journey. Like the other three it is what I have often called "intimations of mortality." Change sucks- even planned change- because it means we are getting older. We may not notice that until we do begin to notice that we ARE older. No, I don't believe we Baby-Boomers have invented aging. It may be, though, that we are the first generation to be able to truly experience aging into old age- and experience it with better health than ever before. When people say that 60 is the new 40 it is both a denial of aging as well as a statement about how aging has changed in the past 40 years.

But then the final blow came when I learned of the serious auto accident and eventual death of the 18-year old son of a friend. The young man was about to graduate from high school. He lost control of his car on Sunday and crashed. He was in an induced coma for several days, but was unable to recover. I fond myself prayerfully focused on the family over several days, even coming to tears for them and their personal tragedy.

The helplessness of life is what we most fear. My 95-year old aunt, my friend's health, my own inability to move forward with a personal project. These of mine are brought up short when I ponder the death of an 18-year old who will never get the opportunity to find out the ups and downs of life. I am humbled in pain as I think of parents losing their child so violently and in such a purposeless way.

So I have to put life into perspective. Mine, my friend's, my aunt's. I am sure that Letterman would be the first to agree that his retirement- even his achievements- are nothing- he was only a TV entertainer. To come to grips with loss and change and finally death is the reality of life.

I pray that in the end the quality of life- short or long- may not be dimmed by the pain of losing it. I pray that each day of life may be filled with an awareness of how important each day is and how important it is to live a life that touches others in their hurts as well as our own. To live otherwise is to truly lose sight of the great daily gift we have had.

No, this does not get rid of pain. But perhaps it can give us a perspective that helps us walk through it and be there with others when they need that companionship.

For me to live otherwise would deny everything I profess to believe. It isn't easy- and it is at those moments I can repeat the old but eternally true word: I believe; help my unbelief.

Listen and meditate.
May the soul be cleansed and
held close to the Creator.

Overheard- and not Liked!

Sitting minding my own business and overheard a conversation at the next table- said more loudly than the rest of the conversation so I couldn't miss it.

She's 62 but she's young at heart.

WTH- young punk.

Hasn't he heard that 60 is the new 40?

Next time I will turn off my hearing aids so I don't hear such prejudiced comments.

Aging Does Have Its Impact

(Disclaimer: I know I'm not OLD, old. I'm only 66 and NBC News on Wednesday clearly pointed out that for many reasons 60 IS the new 40. But let me talk about it anyway.)

I did the online Jeopardy! test the other evening. I have probably done it a half-dozen or more times over the years. I have been a fan of Jeopardy! since the original Art Fleming days. I am a fountain of trivial information- and always have been. But as one watches the show it isn't hard to see that there are very, very few older people as contestants. I know that part of the reason is no doubt that older people (in their 60s and up) may have given up on being contestants. The pace of the show, the ability to ring-in quickly enough takes a little more speed than we may have as we get older. There is no doubt, neuroscience tells us, that our reflexes slow down.

And, as I found out the other day, so does our quickness of memory. There were several questions in the online test that I KNEW the answer to. They were, in general for me, very easy questions. In one I could even see the person who was the answer.

But I couldn't bring the answer out in the allotted 15 seconds. The speed (i.e. 15 seconds) wasn't the problem- most of the ones I was sure of the answer I got within the first 3-5 seconds. Typing didn't slow me down- I do a lot of that.

But that razor-sharp memory? Not what it used to be.

Not that it's bad, it is just a little more spotty than it used to be.

Maybe Jeopardy! should bring back the Senior Tournament they used to have! I'll be waiting for the call.

In Honor of 66

To all born in 1948 this the 66th birthday year.

In honor of my year cohort I put together a video for us traveling Route 66. I Googled and surfed and found pictures for every year. I added a few personal pictures for some of them then added titles and music.

Three things struck me when I was done:

• How many years 66 years really is. I really do understand that it IS a lifetime.
• How things that seem like just yesterday were in the FIRST HALF of the video
• The song is already coming to the closing and it was only a few years ago.

For your enjoyment, then, here is my trip along Route 66:



Pictures in chronological order.
Sixty-six years. Wow!

Babies- 1948
Harry Truman-1948
Brooklyn Dodgers- 1949
Korean War- 1950
Einstein photo- 1951
Marilyn Monroe- 1952
Young Elvis- 1953
Walt and Mickey Mouse- 1954
McDonalds- 1955
Nelson Mandela Trial- 1956
Milwaukee Braves Win- 1957
The Edsel- 1958- We are 10.
Castro- 1959
A Sixth-grade class- 1959
JFK- 1960
Junior High- 1960
Yuri Gagarin- 1961
Pope John XXIII- 1962
I Have a Dream- 1963
Assassination- 1963
Beatles- 1964
WW II Veteran’s grave- 1964
Bob Dylan- 1965
Star Trek- 1966
Super Bowl I- Lombardi- 1967
Seven-day War- 1967
1968- Kennedy and King
Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock- 1969
(We are 21)
Man on the Moon- 1969
College Band- 1969
BMW- 1970
Brandenburg Gate and Wall- 1970
Salzburg- 1970
Nixon and Hoover- 1971
Moravian Star- 1971
Cesar Chavez- 1972
Wedding- 1972
Munich Olympics- 1972
Godfather- 1973
Western Wall Jerusalem- 1973
Church- 1974
Nixon resigns- 1974
Spain Leaves Franco Behind- 1975
Apple Prototype-1976
Star Wars- 1977
Rolling Stones- 1978 (We’re 30)
Iran Occupation- 1979
U2 Cover- 1980
Phillies Win- 1980
Reagan Inauguration- 1981
Letterman- 1982
Mother and Daughter- 1983
Pete Rose- 1983
1984- 1984
Prince- 1985
Jack Nicklaus- 1986
Bill Gates- 1987
AA- 1988 (We’re 40!)
Fall of the Wall- 1989
Nelson Mandela- 1990
Perfect Storm- 1991
Candidates Debate- 1992
First World Trade Center Attack- 1993
OJ- 1994
Tiger Woods- 1995
Derek Jeter- 1996
Packers Win- 1997
Harry Potter- 1998 (We’re 50)
Prince, Party Like It’s- 1999
Y2K- 2000
September 11- 2001
Spiderman- 2002
Fall of Saddam Hussein- 2003
Facebook- 2004
Katrina- 2005
Letterman Show- 2006
Surge in Iraq- 2007
Obama Election- 2008
Bridge- 2008 (Age 60!)
Michael Jackson- 2009
Spain Wins World Cup- 2010
Japan Earthquake and Tsumani- 2011
Lincoln- 2012
Pope Francis I- 2013
All-Star Game- 2014
To Infinity and Beyond…..

Unsurprising Surprises

Like most everything else in the world, we should not necessarily be surprised by what happens when change begins. Just because we plan on the change, try to think through it, even believe we are ready for it, when it comes right down to it, we are clueless about how we will respond.

Or at least we need to be open to be surprised, shocked, enlightened and expecting the black swans we didn't know would happen to us. Last week the black swans came out of their hiding place and I was surprised that I was just like everyone else.

"This is what happens when you move into retirement," my wife said as I couldn't figure out why I was feeling like I was. "It can take months to be ready for this."

"But I was so ready," I wanted to say. "Why is this happening to me?" Yep, that good old fashioned expression of terminal uniqueness. Yep- I'm unique just like everyone else. That means when, even with a year of planning and processing, as the events truly do unfold, you begin to realize that this is really happening.

The times aren't changing- they have changed! It is a whole new world. All the things that move along with this change of movement toward retirement is one of those major life-events that bring to the front all the feelings of loss and grief. It is a time, again, when the passage of time becomes more than real- it is right there in your face. "Look at me! See me! This is real!"

It is as much a step into the unknown as the graduations from high school or college, the new career or new job. Even looking at this move as a "third career" for myself insulates me from some of the underlying issues of mortality, physical ability, health and change.

Then word came that a colleague had died suddenly. He went for a bike ride and collapsed. He is just ahead of me by five years. He is the first of my cohort to die in our older years. Several have died of cancer, AIDS and premature heart attacks. This one is that reminder of reality.

So I have been unfocused, distracted, angry, sad, working harder at staying healthy (bargaining?), depressed and just generally denying things.

I wasn't supposed to do these things. I was supposed to have worked hard so they didn't happen and I could just slide into this whole retirement with no repercussions. In short, I wanted to do it without the pain and the fear, the uncertainty and concerns that always happen.

But here I am anyway. Just like you or anyone else. So w hat do I do about it?

The same thing I have learned how to do over the past 25 years- accept it and move through it. Make the most of what I can do and let life happen. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind, of course:

God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.

But that is only the beginning. It is a deep sense of acceptance that must also be rediscovered anew each day. In order for that we all need to learn to look inside ourselves and be honest about what is happening- and then talk about it. Other people are essential to that process. They call us to be aware- mindful- of who we are and what is happening. Denial is not a healthy place to stay. It gets us stuck in what was instead of what can be.

So for myself, this (re)newed awareness empowers me by pulling me out of where I was into where I can go. That's all I have. That's all any of us has. So take that energy and channel it into hopeful and productive actions.

Let's see how that works.

Living in Denial

I realized one morning last week that I am living in denial, in this case about my aging and retirement. As many of you may remember, I went on "semi-retirement" last December. I was on this plan for three months, one of which we spent in Alabama practicing for full retirement. When we returned from our trip (can't call it vacation if one isn't really working a full-time job) I went back to work full-time covering an extended leave. It has been going on now for 11 weeks.

The end is nearing. Probably at the end of 13 weeks, a quarter of the year, I will be back to my semi-retirement and back to some of the things I had started in December. Over these past 11 weeks I have often seen my life as having a job and a half- the full-time work at the clinic and the part-time work of writing and researching. I didn't get much of the sorting and straightening, scanning and posting that I wanted to with the reduced time for the second job (or Career Three as I named it.) It has been fun. It's good to be back at work in a job I love and which i seem to have some skill at. It is good to be around my colleagues day after day.

But I am living in the dream world that I am not going to retire. Maybe if I don't I won't continue to grow older; maybe I can stay young; perhaps I can go on forever.

I know I am exaggerating, but not by much. I have a lot of things I still want to get done in Career Three, places I want to explore this summer and fall, articles and books and music I want to read, write, compose and play. I want to enjoy games at Target Field- including the All-Star Game in July. I am looking forward to a trip to the headwaters of the Mississippi with my wife in August.

Life is good. So it is important that I don't let denial keep me from enjoying it. I thought of trying to extend the full-time gig for more weeks. But that isn't going to happen. I have seen the light of my denial. It's time to get back to what I was planning for a year ago. It's time to keep moving into this new life. I will keep connections and part-time at work. But the pace will change.

It has been a great ride- unexpected back in December, but one that has reaffirmed much about my career choices and my next stages. So once again I am a short-timer at work. It will be hard moving on- again- but it will also renew the excitement.

Now I Wait

Yesterday was a tense day. It was my day to take the workshop/tests for certification as a Group Fitness Instructor with the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America (AFAA). It was a short story with a long prelude.

Back around a year ago when I was beginning to head toward my semi-retirement I came across a story in a local paper about a fitness instructor at a local center. He was in his early 80s, taught water aerobics (among others) and started in the fitness field when he was in his early 60s.

Over the past 8 years I have slowly but surely worked toward a broader and deeper understanding of fitness. It began when I wanted to do 60 miles of biking for my 60th birthday. For an uncounted time I joined a health club. I was periodic in attendance, but I did keep going. I then moved and joined the healthy living center at my new residence.

That has continued for most of the past 5 years through three surgeries and a few other physical concerns cropping up. As I got into biking and I even commuted to work on my bike. When I read the article on the fitness instructor in town it was like an "Aha!" moment. I have something new to offer, even as I have (now) passed age 65.

So I began to pursue that angle. I took a couple online courses from AFAA on getting ready to be a group fitness instructor and a personal fitness instructor. Yesterday I did the day-long certification workshop ending in the four-part examination. Three of those are "practical," something that AFAA is known for and, I think, is an essential part of becoming a fitness instructor. In this part of the day we had to demonstrate that

1) we knew two strength and one stretching action for each of 10 muscle groups;
2) could do a 3-minute warm-up and five-minute cardio routine; and
3) lead the group in one activity showing beginning, intermediate and advanced options.

There is then a written exam with 100 matching or multiple choice questions. Perhaps the largest single group of questions dealt with the different muscles and muscle groups along with their locations and actions.

I won't know for 4 - 6 weeks how I did. Since no job is hinging on passing the test and getting the certification I am not in any hurry, other than to know.

What will I do with this? At this point I don't know. I would like to be able to help others my age- or approaching my age- to know that age doesn't have to be a reason to get out of shape or even to get back into shape.

I have also discovered Yoga and Tai Chi as important mental supports and mindfulness practices. I don't think I will get special certifications in either of those areas, but you never know how I can use those experiences as well.

In addition all this has a big part to play in addiction/alcoholism recovery. Specialized groups in fitness centers or community programs for recovering people to help their sobriety would be a good move. But at this point, I am not trying to shoehorn this into something. Rather I am trying to be open to whatever directions come.

By the way, the experience yesterday at the workshop was wonderful. I learned a lot and was directed well by the instructor. The field of fitness and exercise is changing rapidly and there are obvious needs for good instructors and trained leaders.

But for now, I wait. Since I am also back to work full-time for a while, it will give me time to think through how this can fit into my semi-retired life.

Taking a Break...

... from semi-retirement.

Well, after three months of the much sought-after and ballyhooed move into semi-retirement back on December 4, I am filling in full-time back at work.

That was short-lived.

Three months of semi-retirement, including the month in Alabama moved back to the old 8 to 5 routine this past Tuesday. Thanks to a need at work they called me and wondered if I could come in and sub for a while.

Sure. Why not?

After all it's still cold outside and it could snow some more and I'm just a good guy willing to help out.

So now, after three days back at work (in a job I truly love, by the way!) it has gone well. I have agreed on 6 - 8 weeks, if needed, which would take me to Easter or the first week of May. We will look at the needs after that, if I am still needed in the full-time position.

But, it's interesting to reflect on it. I am enjoying it since I enjoy the job. That gives me a moment's pause of how I responded to a previous generation who I saw as being unwilling to retire.

I don't think that's what I'm doing. The difference is in many aspects I have a control over my time, now, that I never had at any time in my adult working career of over 40 years. It is by choice that I am doing what I am doing- and caring for the work that is being done.

Yes, it is curtailing some of my new or renewed activities for the moment, but they haven't disappeared.

And, I have a perspective on how good I feel after these past 3 months. The "taking care of myself" without some of the stress and tension that work can bring is refreshing. As I sat in the office yesterday thinking about how lucky I am, I was humbled.

It is good to have a skill that can be used and that I can still use. It is good to be able to share with my co-workers. Finally, it is doing something I like.

Sure, it's nice to have the extra money and stretch what I have until I turn 66 and can take full Social Security. I can put some more aside for some trips and "toys."

But that isn't worth it if I am unhappy. Life's too short.

How blessed am I!

A day of gratitude without any doubt.

And I can always go back to semi-retirement hours at any time.

Taking a Risk

Came across an article from U S News and World Report on Yahoo News. (Link.) It headlined:

Retire At Your Own Risk.

It goes on to point out the roll of the dice that one makes when one decides voluntarily to retire. The biggest risk is, of course the financial concerns that could arise when you don't have the same regular pay check month in and month out. These days a person retiring in their early- to mid-60s could very easily live 20 years in retirement. That's half a work career. The uncertainties of the next 20 years could easily be greater than the last 20. Who knows?! So that's the biggest roll of the dice.

Potentially as big a risk is:

What in the world are you going to do with all that time?

The article points out the increased freedom and opportunities to do things. But how do you handle an unscheduled schedule? How do you do when you have to be a self-starter? It would be a shame, as the article points out, to have gotten this far only to find that you're bored, feeling useless, or unable to keep interested.

As I read the article I gave thanks that I was put in touch with a "wellness" or "life" coach earlier last year. I spent 4 months working with him. I let him ask me questions about myself and what I want out of life. No, not what I want out of retirement, rather what I want out of LIFE! We explored what makes me tick and what have been the things in my past 40 years that have helped make me who I am today- AND how that impacts what the next time of life will include.

Early in the process I came to calling this my "Third Career." Career One was ordained church ministry. That was 30 years. Overlapping that for the last 10 years of my church ministry was Career Two as I became a licensed counselor. That continued for 10 years beyond the church years. So Career Two was 20 years worth of work and life. I continue that into this year (and maybe longer) on a part-time basis while Career Three grows and matures.

Already in six weeks of the semi-retirement I am very grateful for the coaching. I knew the things I absolutely had to keep in front of me. I knew the things I really wanted to work on developing. And I knew some of the things that will hang around the edge of my new way of seeing the world and my place in it. It is still not easy to wrap my mind around the different structure that I'm attempting to build. I am more aware of our cash-flow of income and expense than I have ever been. I find myself motivated differently than I have ever been before.

I still go in to work. Those keep me connected with the people who have been so much a part of my life over the past few years. While I am building the new structure, the old gives me some familiar places to hang out and see how am changing. It is quite intriguing, I have to admit. It is a little uncertain- and the finances are- and probably will remain at the top of that list.

But if I have learned anything over the years it is that with the right mix of planning and flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants what is important will settle out. The coaching was a huge help. I would highly recommend anyone to find a coach, counselor, adviser, or spiritual guide to help you move into any such change.

One Week Completed

Hey, this semi-retirement gig is feeling good so far. Not that I didn't expect it to, of course. Several interesting things have happened. Again, not unexpected, but still interesting.

First, the sense of freedom I have felt. Not that I felt "unfree" working. No, not at all. But there is always a sense of being on someone else's clock. Which is natural. But the sense of making choices based on what one wants to do or needs to do at any given moment is a nice change. Even in the old days when, as a pastor, my schedule was quite flexible most of the time. But there was always the knowledge that certain things like sermons, confirmation class, visits to the sick, board meetings had to get done on time. There was a pattern that I set, sort of, but that was answerable to others. Not a bad thing, but the sense of a schedule built on more freedom with no one really to answer to for the time is different. As a retired friend wrote me: Now it's your own 18-hour work day.

Second, getting into flow. I am looking on like a "job" and not vacation, although that is only intellectual so far. It does feel kind of more like vacation, but I have been trying to maintain a daily flow that includes getting up before the alarm, working out daily, having a list or schedule. Overall allowing it to happen on a more natural flow.

Third, I feel less hurried. I am not working toward the end of the day knowing that I have to get to bed so I get up at an early hour, or whatever. The sense of time is more flow, as I said, than clock-based.

And fourth, there is that odd sense of loss and mortality. Retirement does mean the end of career. It also means the simple fact of getting older. But so far, at least, I don't feel useless and put out to pasture.

Sidenote: Looked up the etymology of "retire" on the Online Etymology Dictionary. It looks like it comes from

Middle French retirer "to withdraw (something)," from re- "back" (see re-) + Old French tirer "to draw" (see tirade). Related: Retired; retiring.

Meaning "to withdraw" to some place, especially for the sake of privacy, is recorded from 1530s; sense of "leave an occupation" first attested 1640s (implied in retirement). Meaning "to leave company and go to bed" is from 1660s. Transitive sense is from 1540s, originally "withdraw, lead back" (troops, etc.); meaning "to remove from active service" is from 1680s. Baseball sense of "to put out" is recorded from 1874.