Overheard in Recovery: Anger

They didn't mean it as a take-off on an old line about Jesus and life, but I heard it that way:

Know anger, no happiness
No anger, know happiness.

One of those truisms heard around 12-Step meeting tables is that for those in recovery issues of anger are downright poisonous. They will, without question, build in dangerous thoughts and finally into a relapse. It comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous where Bill W. and friends said:

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.[Emphasis added.]

Anger is a barrier, a block that keeps what Bill W. called the "sunlight of the Spirit." I believe from what I have seen over the years that this is not even a "dubious luxury of normal men." The pain that anger engenders is devastating. It tears people, families, communities and nations apart. Anger undermines any possibility for hope.

Anger is often appropriate when someone hurts you, of course. But what do you do with it? How does it eat away at you as you seek revenge or retribution? That is the point where anger moves from a human emotion to a primal or primitive survival reaction.

Underneath anger is often a secondary emotion. It is a response to hurt, fear, embarrassment, sadness. When one is anger we feel as if we can at least do something. Strike back! In reality whether the anger is directed outward and hurts other or turns inward and hurts ourselves (our self) it can destroy more than it can build.

Righteous anger can even be worse. Righteousness is always a difficult foundation on which to build anger. It justifies and gives permission to do something that can hurt others. It is far better to take that energy of anger and turn it somewhere helpful, positive and hopeful. It is better to build with it rather than tear down.

As the anonymous quote at the top said, the result will be happiness.

Happiness Money CAN Buy

From US News and World Report Alpha Consumer:

By comparing consumption data from the national Health and Retirement Study, Thomas DeLeire of the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Ariel Kalil of the University of Chicago found that spending money on leisure activities, which include vacations, movie theater tickets, and hobbies, improve happiness levels. (Happiness was measured by asking respondents to describe how they felt about their lives.)

Expenditures on durable goods such as refrigerators, clothes, personal items, cars, and housing, on the other hand, did not have an effect on happiness.

Yes, that does make sense. It is not the material things, the study says, but the less tangible but deeply enriching things that can be "bought." I know that in my life. But then I am over 50 which leads to...

One caution, says the article:

The study is based on data from older Americans over the age of 50, so it might not apply to everyone. It’s possible, for example, that younger Americans get more of a happiness surge from keeping up with the latest clothing trends, and older folks get more pleasure from leisure.

Interesting. But I have a hunch that on many levels the information applies to people younger than 50 as well.

Sad - or Happy

Be happy some people say. I have so many good memories.

Yes, memories are good, but without today and the hope for making more good memories tomorrow, ah, how poor life would be, even with all the best memories in the world.

That came to mind today and then I found this quote from one of my all times favorite religious poets.

By Hafiz

What
Do sad people have in
Common?

It seems
They have all built a shrine
To the past

And often go there
And do a strange wail and
Worship.

What is the beginning of
Happiness?

It is to stop being
So religious

Like

That.

--Source: The Gift