It is now 5 days since my back surgery. I am slowly but surely on the right road. This is the first time I have felt able to sit at the computer long enough to do some reflecting, so here goes.
- You don't know what you don't know- and one of the things you don't know is how the future will be different from the past. Just because a prior surgery of similar kind went "easy" doesn't mean the next one will. Fortunately it wasn't bad this time around, just a lot more painful than the previous one. I had to be in the hospital two nights this time, but they also did learn from before and I was more comfortable while still in more pain.
- You don't know what you don't know until you know it. Like, while still under the influence of the pain meds you are not aware that anything is different. To you, you seem somewhat okay. Then you are not on so many pain meds and you realize you have no idea what you are talking about.
It happened on the phone earlier today. I was listening then speaking and found myself saying inane things. Brief statements indicating I was listening, but not able to process much more than the basics. I mentioned this to the person I was talking to and his comment was simply, "You should have heard yourself the other day." I didn't even know it.
At least today I am less foggy enough to know I am in the fog still. (Yes, that makes sense to me at the moment.
- You know what you know as soon as you know it. In this case, the first time they got me up to walk I knew that my legs were better. Yes, I was in pain from the incision, but the weakness in my legs was clearly gone. I could feel the strength there- after all I could do a 30-mile bike ride - I must have some leg strength built up.
- You know what you know as soon as you know it. Like when you have been sitting at the computer desk too long and the strength is beginning to fade.
So, for all the prayers and support- thank you. It is still a ways to go before I'm able to feel normal, but it has certainly been a god start.