The Fourth Decade: 1978 - 1988

(Fourth in a series of life-reflections in the week before my 60th birthday.)

Joy and terror, hope and fear mark this decade. Perhaps that is how one prepares for mid-life. At least that's the way I did.

It began with

• Self-confidence and feeling of competence in ministry as we settle into a fine ministry in York. I found my preaching voice thanks to the remarkable Fred Craddock. I fell in love with ministry.
  


• We buy our cabin along Pine Creek back in my hometown area. My aunt used to tell me, "Once you get your feet wet in Pine Creek you will always come back."
  


• Our daughter, Betsy, is born. At nearly nine years married, along came Betsy. Val had some problems in her early months but they settled down at about the fifth month. So began what today is over 2 1/2 decades (so far) of wonder and joy and hope and fear- parenthood.
  

Ministry becomes even more woven into our life together

• We move to my 3rd pastorate in Watertown, WI, the beginning of a wonderful ministry, even though I was "never going to leave Pennsylvania". It was difficult and traumatic. Now we were really leaving everything we had ever known behind. You must finally do that in your 30s or you will never really do it, I feel. Fortunately God kicked us and we went. Reluctantly, but we went. The first four years, the last four of the decade, were a mix of good and bad, great and awful. Things seem great, but under it all is a restless uncertainty fed by a demon that would get exposed at the start of the next decade. (See below.)
  


• Val hears the call to ministry and starts seminary. Excitement and fear for me on this one. She started seminary the same day our daughter started kindergarten. As this decade ended she had one year left.
  

But, alas,

• AIDS was discovered- and an old friend has it. He was gay and had been living in New York City since the earl days of gay liberation and the Stonewall riots. He lived as if life would go on forever. He felt he had jumped off the wave before it crashed. He was wrong. I visited him a number of times at the ed of this decade. He prepared for death as he had lived- wide open.
  


• The demon. My alcoholism began to eat into my life and soul- and I didn't even know it- and neither did anyone else, including Val. It had begun to work while we were still in York. I would go to our cabin and drink. I was an episodic drinker. I could go months without a drink. And then, with Val away- or me at a conference on my own- I would drink. With so much under it and feeding it it was a well hidden secret that was about to destroy absolutely everything. The episodes were getting closer and closer together.I had begun to think about finding ways to drink even with Val at home. It was not pretty, but I was completely oblivious.
  

It ended with my 40th birthday on which

• I played my first ever trumpet solo with the community band at our weekly concert in the Park.
  


• Val and the congregation held a surprise 40th birthday party in the park right after the concert.

Life looked great. I joked- finally- after 40 years in the wilderness I would enter the Promised Land.

Yes, but...

More on that tomorrow.