Nineteen - Already?

Today I stop and give thanks. If on October 29, 1988 you would have told me what was to happen in the next 19 years I would have laughed at you. I was at our church camp in central Wisconsin for a church retreat. I had just finished a 5-day workshop on "Ministry to Alcoholics and Their Families." It turns out that I was the alcoholic who needed ministry.

Surprise, surprise, when denial gets broken, even for a minute.

So, sitting at the retreat, unable to talk to anyone about it since my wife had no idea, I came to the decision that I needed to do something about it. Within a week I was in treatment.

I was one of those who, on the outside, appeared to be a "high-bottom drunk." I had no legal consequences, no visible problems that anyone, least of all me, could link to my drinking. But there it was with its ugly head and devilish grin.

Now I sit here, 19 years- and a universe and a half away. I often tell my clients and others I know in early recovery that the possibilities in recovery are nothing short of miraculous. I have done, and seen, and experienced more in these past 19 years than anyone should expect. Yet, there they are with all the joy and wonder and grace that life can give. Sure, there have been the bad times, the down times, the fearful times. But that's what life is all about. Without chemicals I had to feel them, go through them, and learn from them.

That may be the biggest miracle of all. That life is truly amazing. Each and every day. Like today. Treatment and recovery is not, in the end a loss. It is not in the final word, a punishment or a failing. It is the possibility of life.

From my deepest depths I am truly grateful! Thanks be to God!