Boasting of Weakness
When I went to the Daily Text for yesterday (July 31, 07), this passage is what came up:

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.
2 Corinthians 11:30 (NIV)

Well, I'm here to boast that I have a weakness. I am an older brother. And there sure are times when I like to act like that older brother in what is probably Jesus' second most famous parable- The Prodigal Son (after The Good Samaritan, of course. Hmmm. They both do say the same thing, don't they?)

Anyway, my older brother stuff doesn't come out toward my biologically younger brother. No one has killed a fatted calf for either of us for a long time since our parents died when we were still teenagers. But maybe there's something about being an older brother that makes one behave like one.

Actually, it may very well start because the older brother usually has more difficulty growing up. (No- younger brothers- I will not listen to your side of it. I AM the older brother here. Anyway, it's my blog!) Parents are afraid, over-protective, controlling. The younger brother gets more freedom (or takes it, I'm not sure which) because the parents made all those mistakes of control with the older one. The younger gets away with more things. (No, I don't want to hear about how the younger brother had to put up with that silly, self-righteous whining of the older brother.)

From there it may very well grow into a pattern. Anytime someone else who is seen as less faithful, less committed, less dedicated gets credit for something- well, it is so much easier to sit on the sideline and suck ones thumb and look sour. It makes other people feel so sorry for you. They take pity on you and give you hugs and support. (Usually, if they are older siblings, especially, do they understand. Others just tell you to grow up. Imagine that!)

Remember, I am boasting about this, just as Paul suggested. Look how great I am at being a long-suffering older brother. Look at how my life has been taken advantage of. Look at how others just don't understand. Look- there's the father even trying to make excuses for treating me that way. Life sucks.

Well, maybe that isn't what Paul had in mind.

Yes, life sucks when I get caught in my own pity party- and no one else wants to attend. That's lonely. Life sucks when I fall into my older brother humanity and want it my way- notice me- see me- love and support me.

But you have been loved and supported, is what I hear in return. Why do I waste what I have in order to feel sorry for what has happened and how someone else has gotten what I would have liked? Wait a minute, wastefulness? Isn't that what prodigal really means? I have been so blessed and cared for and even led through my own valleys as dark as the very shadow of death- and I haven't been abandoned.

Perhaps I can only boast that I am nothing more than a prodigal myself. Of course that means that there is also a fatted calf waiting for me- a celebration of my ongoing presence with all that has been given me. All I have to do it get my hands off my eyes, pretending I don't see, and reach out.

All I can boast of is the power and support of God. As for me, well, maybe I can't learn a little better how not to act like an older brother quite so often.

And to stop wasting my life, my time, and God's love on what I don't have.