Inside Out or Vice Versa
It’s been over 2 ½ years since I left the inside of the church. A number of events in the past several months have raised the thoughts in my head again about what it all means. I spent 30 years serving “inside.” It was nine months shy of the 30th anniversary of my ordination that I left the parish to take “secular” employment as a full-time alcohol and drug counselor. My wife says she can’t believe that I just left and didn’t look back.

Not quite true. In my listening and praying times I spent a lot of time thinking about what it all has meant. I have missed some things- baptisms, serving communion, funerals. I have missed the community that we have had in ministry. I have done lots and lots of journaling and thinking and pondering.

This past week I began to write a little more about it in my journal and came up with the realization that it is an issue of what it means to be “inside” and what it means to be “outside.” I was an “insider.” I enjoyed the planning and committee work that kept the ministries I was involved with working. I was a “pioneer” type who was involved in starting more new (and usually successful) ventures that just keeping the old going. I served as vice-president of our middle-judicatory board. “Inside.”

Now I am “outside.” Outside, in general usage, is a place without walls. It is a place where the boundaries are less clear, a place that when you look back you see that “inside” is often a lot less interesting than you thought it was. Then the Newsboys great song came to mind, Shine, the one with these prophetic lyrics:

Shine
Make ‘em wonder what you’ve got
Make ‘em wish that they were not
On the outside looking bored.

There’s the rub. Who are the ones looking bored? Have you sat in a pew and looked at your fellow worshippers, especially during the sermon? Who stands outside of church what how to get in because it looks so exciting and they’re having all the fun? Who stands blinded by the shine of the faith inside?

No wonder the 12-Step tradition says that their standard is attraction rather than promotion.

Anyway, that was that days thinking. More to come, I am sure.