How Time Flies

It has now been 15 years. On this date in 1988 I went to a Church retreat and admitted to myself and God that I was an alcoholic. My life has never been the same since.

Thank God.

I had just finished a weeklong seminar on "Ministry to Alcoholics and Their Families" run by the Milwaukee Episcopal's diocesan committee on alcohol and drub abuse. I went because a local pastor had spoken well of it and he felt that the more pastors in our community were aware of the depth of alcoholism the more effective we could be in our ministries. Coming from a family where alcoholism seemed to be a problem, I decided it might be a good idea.

Between Monday evening and Thursday afternoon I had heard more than I ever thought possible about the problems connected with alcohol abuse and addiction. I learned how the family is affected. I learned about the symptoms. I learned about denial and he games alcoholics play to maintain their addiction. I sat through an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I heard about God doing for the alcoholic what they could not do for themselves.

No, I wasn't uncomfortable. I didn't even see through any denial up to that point. It was interesting and I could certainly see how I could use this in my ministry.

It never dawned on me that this might be about me. Denial is incredible at protecting the alcoholic from their disease and keeping the disease active…
    -- I didn't think about it when I said to a recovering alcoholic in the group- "I sometimes drink more than I should, but I'm not an alcoholic." [What normal drinker says that?]
    – I didn't think about it when one of the speakers mentioned that every alcoholic eventually gets to vodka due to the mistaken thought that you can't smell it- and I said to myself – "Now there's an idea I hadn't thought of."
    – I didn't think about it when I had to drive home to put together a packet for mailing and, as I drove by the liquor store, I thought- "Maybe I should stop in a get something and show them I can drink."
    – I didn't think about it when I heard someone say that they didn't understand normal drinkers who stopped after one. Why would anyone want only one drink, they said, and I thought- "Yes, that's true."
    – I didn't think about it when I looked at a self-assessment form that I had already seen 4 or 5 times that week and decided to fill it out "Just for the hell of it."
    – I didn't think about it when I answered only 11 of the 26 questions thinking – "That's less than half!"

I did think about it- hard and heavy like a train running over me- when I saw at the bottom of the assessment- If you said yes to any one of these you might have a problem with alcohol. If you said yes to three or more you are probably an alcoholic.

One week to the day later I was in treatment at the McBride Center for the Impaired Professional in Milwaukee and my life was about to be turned forever around.

In between those Thursdays was Saturday, October 29. I admitted in my prayers that day that I was an alcoholic and my life was unmanageable. I wrote it down in my journal. I had taken the First Step of the 12-steps of AA. I had much to do before treatment- like telling my closest friends in the church, my family, and my church board. I sat and cried for hours. The pain of life that I had been hiding for years was finally coming out. I had no idea what life was about to give me. I did not expect to remain married. I did not expect to remain in the church. I didn't know what to expect.

Again- Thank God- He did. After 15 years I am still married to the same wonderful person. I stayed in the same congregation for another 11 years after sobriety and am still in parish ministry. God has done for me what I could not do for myself. I have made incredible friends and sponsors, too numerous to mention, that have helped me stay sober- and just as importantly- happy, joyous and free even when things are tough.

In the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous there are a series of promises. They are real! I have experienced them- and continue to experience them each and every day. Let me close this post with deep gratitude for my life today and the ongoing hope of these promises:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self - seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Alcoholics Anonymous, AA World Services, pp. 83-84

Real Business of Clergy

From The Dying Church- a quote worth holding up to every preacher and seminarian and church member:

If all you desire in a pastor is someone who entertains and provides people with good, happy, relaxed, cheerful feelings, then what you want is someone who's been out in the world and who knows how to provide customers with what they ask for.

But the real business of clergy is to train people in worship and service of God, and we must learn that from the Scriptures. We need more than tips and techniques, which is our modern way. We need Bible study, and real learning of God's truth. -J.I. Packer, from an interview with Peter Moore in Seed and Harvest.